


We Shall Grow Old

by hawkeyematingcall



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU, Companion Piece, M/M, Rickyl, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 14:54:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 58,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2777264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyematingcall/pseuds/hawkeyematingcall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on reedusgif's awesome Rickyl AU gifset. "Rick and Daryl have known each other since they were young, and meet again in the apocalypse."</p><p>This follows the tv series very closely, so if you want to jump in on a particular season, start reading the chapters below:</p><p>Season 1 - Chapter 4: Don't Let The Days Go By<br/>Season 2 - Chapter 8: This Lonely View<br/>Season 3 - Chapter 18: I Will Burn For You</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Hot And Not A Dixon In Sight

 

It was one of those stinking hot afternoons where the air was so thick it made it hard to breathe. The wall fan at the front of the classroom didn't do anything except drown out some of the teacher's speech about The Lord Of The Flies.  
Rick craned his head back and closed his eyes, a sigh escaping his lips; it was too hot to listen and care what Ms Hobbs was saying, nor did it matter- he wasn't going to need to know the plight of the young schoolboys after he graduates. Graduation opened the door for police academy. It was a pleasant surprise for his parents when he first told them he wanted to be a police officer, his father being one and always encouraging his son along the same path. It was a job that was respected, paid well, and (if desired) was able to take you to any area of the United States.  
'I'm sure that Lori girl would find the police uniform very handsome..' his mom would chirp with a hint of a smirk along her lips. He would usually sigh then laugh while his heartbeat would rise for the slightest of moments. Lori was a nice, local girl with a lot of smarts and a natural beauty about her; his type.. but there was someone else.  
Rick looked over at the empty desk two rows back on the left. He knew Daryl wasn't going to be at school today, but it was days Daryl was absent that made Rick count the minutes.

His thoughts were cut short by the blissful sound of the bell. He slid everything from his desk into his bag, slung his bag over his shoulder and navigated his way through his classmates out of the room and down the hall. Fridays were down to a fine art ; beeline down one side of lockers, out the main doors, around to the left side where his car was, shove all of his shit on the backseat and bail out to get home where he would see mom, spend time with her, take the trash out, listen to music in his room before his dad got home and they had dinner altogether before he left to meet Daryl in their spot.

Their spot was almost ten minutes out of town on an abandoned property that was sometimes used for raves, Halloween parties or a 'lover's lane' of sorts. The half-dilapidated house in the middle of the property was where they first actually talked the ten months prior; Rick had come out with a six pack of crappy beer and a baseball bat to try and get the startling and embarrassing thoughts of the other teenager out of his mind. The last person he wanted to see that night was the youngest Dixon coming around the side of the house aiming a crossbow at him, eyes hidden behind the weapon with messy, dark-blonde hair highlighted in the moonlight.  
"What are you doin' out here.." he murmured cautiously.  
Rick stared at him for a few moments. "I thought I was alone, wanted to be myself and hit the shit out of some empty bottles.." he motioned to Daryl's crossbow. "You?"  
Daryl shifted in place before he slowly lowered his weapon, his eyes looking over Rick. 'Shootin' the shit out of this crappy house.'  
The two watched out each for a few seconds, not sure what to say to the other. Daryl frowned and shifted again. "What the hell you lookin' at?"  
Rick shook his head and lifted his hands in defence. "Just.. haven't really heard you talk, that's all. Hell, I think this is the first time we've even had a conversation."  
He took a few steps back, finishing his beer before placing it on a post and offered the bat to Daryl. The other teen looked at it like he'd never seen a bat before, then eyed Rick suspiciously, the other teen taking cautious steps towards Daryl.  
"Hey man, I'm not going to hurt you.." Rick reassured him.  
Daryl looked at the bat again then slowly reached out and took it, moving past Rick to place his crossbow against the post, always keeping Rick in his line of sight. He took a step back, nibbling on his thumb as he calculated where he wanted to hit the bottle before he took a swing, making the bottle fly several feet before falling and rolling along the ground.  
Rick didn't take his eyes off Daryl. He admired how Daryl suddenly went into a batting stance and concentrated with pure confidence in his eye; a completely different Daryl from seconds earlier.  
"You wanna take a picture, it lasts longer."  
Rick shook off his thoughts and looked at the suddenly defensive teenager.  
"I'm not tryna start anything, man." He said with a smile. For a fleeting moment he wondered if this is what half of his career would be; gaining the trust of people, possibly the Dixon family most of that time. Probably dealing with the Dixon family most of the time.  
"You keep looking at me." Daryl frowned, pointing the bat at Rick's face before slowly encircled him. "I see you in class." Rick suddenly looked at him, eyes wider. "Yeah, that's right, I see you lookin' at me then you look away 'n shit. What's you're deal, huh? Scoutin' me for your daddy? Tryna see if I do the shit my brother and dad do?"  
Rick turned to face him and raised his hands again, taking a step back. "Nothin' like that, I swear."  
Daryl was suddenly right in front of him, face close enough to Rick's that he could smell the beer on his breath.  
"You're lyin'..."  
It was a look. Just a fleeting one that Rick noticed that made him change his tactic. Daryl had been staring at him, eyes burning into his with a masked insecurity before he glanced, only for half a second, down at Rick's lips then looking back up into his eyes. It might not have been anything, it might have been just absolutely nothing, but his strange thoughts about the quiet Dixon and the alcohol made him only come to one conclusion. Rick leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on Daryl's lower lip before leaning back again. Daryl stood perplexed for a moment before confusion and his quick temper took over. He shoved Rick hard enough to fall onto the ground with a thud, the air being pushed out of his chest. Daryl was on top of him, hands bunched around his collar and pulling him up.  
"You think I'm queer, huh?!"  
Daryl shook Rick a few times as he laid there silent. "Huh!"  
Rick kept his hands on either side of his head. "If you wanna beat me up, do it." He panted and gazed up at Daryl as he kept his voice even and calm. "I'm sorry, Daryl.. I won't tell anyone who did it, I won't tell anyone about this. I wasn't thinking.."  
Daryl glared at him, face screwed up in it's usual mask of confusion and anger. Rick's actions had been submissive, slow, calm... untrustworthy his dad would say. Daryl felt there was a lot of truth in that; he didn't trust anyone, not even his own father, let alone the son of a cop. However Rick had never done anything to him, and to think about it, Rick was always the one to break up fights, whether Daryl was involved in them or not. Just as Rick could read Daryl's face, Daryl could read his, and in that moment Rick looked nervous and as confused as he felt.  
Daryl let go of Rick's shirt and stood slowly, shaking his head.

"Nah.. I ain't like that."

Daryl kept his eyes on Rick as he backed up to the post and grabbed his crossbow, slinging it slowly over his shoulder before retreating back to the abandoned house.

Rick laid there for a while, staring up at the sky, tose last few minutes bombarding his thoughts. He didn't know what to make of it, and his actions - kissing Daryl - confused him and embarrassed him. He knew Daryl wasn't like his brother or dad, but watching him choose to walk away said a lot about his character.

After that night, Rick went back every night to the same spot. He would bring his bat and different things each time to hit; baseballs, small figurines he could bring from the dollar store, cans. Trying to talk Daryl at school was pointless. Every time he would make his way anywhere near the other teenager he would disappear or just skip classes entirely. Rick thought coming back to the property might make Daryl reappear - but why would he even do that? They had nothing in common, they didn't talk, they didn't even go to the same parties or hangouts. Yet Rick thought he might as well try to get to know him.

 

A had week passed until Daryl came back to the property. He even approached Rick, shooting a can off the post from behind him.  
Over a few weeks they started to talk, just a few words here and there, then Daryl closed the distance between them as they looked over the field and drank.

"So why didja do that.." he trailed off, his voice soft but low. "That first night.."  
Rick had been grappling with his actions that night as well and he knew since that night Daryl would bring it up at some point. He came to the conclusion that he still loved girls, and he still fancied Lori, he wasn't attracted to any guys.. except the one he was drinking with, and it gnawed at his mind constantly. He didn't think being gay, bi, whatever, was shameful, he didn't hate anyone's lifestyle, but when it came to him, Daryl Dixon.. it really confused him.  
"I.. don't know.."  
Daryl raised his brow. "You don't know? What.. you go around kissing guys or-"  
"Look I just-" Rick's voice was stern. He frowned, staring hard into the distance before sighing. "I just.. don't know."  
The air was silent and tense for a moment as Rick tried to figure out the words.  
"I like girls, Daryl. I do. I've had girlfriends and whatever but.." He shrugged and cleared his throat. "I don't know.. I don't know with you. You just make what I thought about myself.. everything different.."

What Rick didn't know at the time was Daryl felt the same towards him. Daryl, however, had never been with anyone. He felt an attraction towards girls, yet no-one except for the odd drugged-up girlfriend of Merle's wanted him. There were guys too; ones that would bargain with his dad or brother that maybe a few minutes with Daryl would be payment for drugs. It was never his thing, never something he was interested in. He just wanted to get out of town, do his own thing, get away from his family and their shit and just be himself.  
Then Rick Grimes came onto his radar. He felt disgusted for a long time, broken and twisted, ashamed and embarrassed over some of the things he would suddenly think about; the strange things his body would do if he'd see Rick off with his friends, speaking to someone at the gas station and laughing, even him frantically writing all over a test. Daryl would try to keep away from Rick on purpose, then one night as he was blowing off steam with his crossbow, he heard someone smashing up something. He went around the corner and boom! The last person he planned on seeing. Rick Grimes.

A few months after that was when they kissed. They met up at the property a few nights a week, usually hitting and shooting various items they brought and drinking silently, saying the odd thing every now and then. This night though, Rick couldn't stop looking at Daryl and the new shiner he sported around his right eye.  
"Why don't ya take a picture, Grimes, last longer." Daryl murmured as he took aim.  
Rick huffed a laugh and smiled. Bringing up the bruise would just end in an argument with no answers, so he kept with conversation light.  
"You look cute like that."  
Daryl's aim went completely off as he shot the arrow and it whizzed off over the can and into the field. Rick didn't mean for that to come out and he couldn't swallow the words, it was out in the air after that. He dropped his drink before Daryl turned around and took a swing at him.  
Instead, Daryl spun around with an alarmed look on his face, staring at Rick.  
"I ain't no girl! And you just made me waste an arrow!"  
Rick sighed in relief and laughed. "That was the idea!" He grinned and made his way over, trying to take the crossbow from Daryl but they became stuck in an awkward stance in front of the other, with Rick hands on top of Daryl's. They both stood there staring at each other before Daryl tried to shy away from Rick's gaze. Rick watched Daryl then ducked his head and pressed his lips against Daryl's. The other teenager didn't reciprocate at first, his was body rigid, he didn't even breathe, then he slowly started kissing Rick back. They stood there, slowly kissing each other, Daryl gripping his crossbow with Rick gripping onto his hands, the weapon being the only thing separating them. Rick didn't smoke, in fact he hated cigarettes, but the hint of smoke upon Daryl's lips turned him on and spurred him to deepen the kiss. He kissed and lightly sucked on Daryl's lower lip, hearing a barely audible noise erupt from Daryl's throat. The sound made Daryl's cheeks burn up - and Rick's full lips pressed against his back didn't help him either, the whole thing made him feel a little lightheaded. His thighs felt hot and there was something stirring inside of him, scaring him. He pushed Rick back with his crossbow, panting like the teenager in front of him. Daryl stumbled back towards the house and in his usual fashion, disappeared without any clue to where he went. Rick called out to him for half an hour, and he stayed a half hour after that, but Daryl wasn't coming back that night.

Now they are secretly together. They say a few quick words at school but leave their time together for when they come here. Rick could never bring Daryl back to his, not even under the guise of a friend, and Daryl sure as hell couldn't bring Rick back to his house. At the property they could just .. be.  
Rick was laying on the hood of his car listening to the radio and staring up at the sky when he heard Daryl's footsteps. He smirked when Daryl grumbled.  
"They're playin' Bonnie-goddamnTyler again?" He placed his crossbow down and slid onto the hood, laying next to Rick.  
"Bet you Wham's on next." Rick grinned as Daryl huffed at the prediction, tilting his head to look at Daryl.  
"Take a picture, it-"  
"Oh shut up."  
Rick rolled over and placed a kiss on Daryl's lips to silence him. It always conveniently silenced Daryl. Daryl gripped onto Rick's arm before sliding his hand around the back of Rick's neck, proud of himself when hears a soft moan escape Rick's lips.  
"I missed you at school today.." Rick murmured. "Even talked about Lord of the Flies 'n everything."  
Daryl looked up at Rick through his lashes. "Already finished readin' it, and can you not talk about school in between makin' out with me."  
Rick laughed. "Okay, let me put this past you. My family are going to Atlanta for the weekend, won't be back until Sunday night, you should come over.."  
Rick studied Daryl's face, feeling his body tense underneath him. "No one will see us, we'll be alone. No one will come blasting through a cop's home.." He said reassuringly, making sure he chooses the right words as gently nudging Daryl to the idea.  
Daryl wanted to actually hang out at Rick's for once but was also unsure, it was a risk, a bit risk. If Merle or his dad see him with Rick he might as well write his own toe-tag. On the other hand they never notice his absence until they need him to hide or transport something, and only if they really need something do they come into town. Nibbling on his lip and furrowing his brows, he caves to the idea and nods, looking up at Rick when a smile spreads across his face. It makes Daryl almost smile as well before Rick's lips are on him again.


	2. Relax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Rick have a weekend to themselves to relax.. and other things.

[](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2777264/chapters/6297620)   


 

Rick waved his parents farewell before going down to the store and grabbing some snacks for the weekend. He was on his way out when he bumped into Lori and her mum.

"Hey, Rick." Lori smiled at him then looked at her mom as the married woman started gushing at Rick. "Ma, could you please give Rick and me a second?"   
Rick smiled at her mother before looking at Lori and laughing softly, gently rubbing the back of his neck. "She's a good mom."  
"And a terrible flirt when she's around you." Lori smirked before glancing down at Rick's hands. "Got a party?"  
Rick snorted. "Me? Hell no, my dad would arrest me." He smirked back. "Nah, just having a friend over.." he contemplated how much he could say without actually lying, at the same time hoping that Lori didn't want him to invite her over. "My parents are out of town for the weekend and a friend of mine from out of town is coming over.."   
Lori just smiled and nodded. "Well that's good. I better chase my mom down before she buys twenty bags of peanuts again."   
Rick smiled at her before giving her a quick hug then watched her head inside.   
"Hey, Rick! Don't be a stranger, you owe me another date, remember?"  
They exchanged smiles before Rick continued back to his car. He threw the bags on the passenger side seat and sighed. He didn't think his social life would get this.. interesting.  
He really liked Lori. He liked her since the year before last when she moved from further south. He had approached her after she was arguing with another girl in the library about one of the books they were reading. They went on a couple of dates, his parents loved her and vice-versa and he could easily imagine marrying her.

   
What he had with Daryl was the opposite. They were each other's secret and it didn't worry either of them if no one knew, it was actually something that turned him on. They had moments, just little slices of time that was just their own, where they could talk about whatever or do absolutely nothing, To Rick, Daryl was just someone delicate wrapped in an enigma. He hung on every word Daryl said and every little action he made; he was a tough one to crack, but damn, he was  _fascinating_.

 

He quickly got home and put the food on the counter, suddenly caught off-guard by a knock at the back door. He slipped over over to the door and opened it slowly, quirking his brow at Daryl.   
"Back door?"  
"It's still really bright. Also you forgot to grab mail." He slinked past Rick and put the mail on the dinner table, slowly looking around. Rick shook his head and smiled before closing and locking the door, walking slowly behind Daryl.  
"A cop's house is nice." He stops at a collage of family photos before snorting quietly at a photo of a young Rick sporting a bowl cut. "Nice look."  
"Hey." He spun Daryl around and purred. "Not my fault you don't know fashion."   
Daryl cheeks flushed pink, eyes suddenly playful. "Whatever you think, Officer _Grimes_."  
Rick grinned as he leaned in and kissed his neck. "Shut up.."  
Daryl closed is eyes and moaned softly. "I needa shower, Rick.."  
Rick mumbled against his neck. "Thought I was Officer Grimes?" He brushed his fingers over the front of Daryl's dirty jeans, hearing a soft noise escape his lips.  
"Rick, please.." Daryl whined quietly as he tilted his hips towards Rick's warm hand. "Don't wanna fuck me in your family kitchen, do you?"  
Rick gave him a quick kiss. "I am going to have your ass in every room of this house before the weekend is done."  
Daryl panted through parted lips as he watched Rick, his words wringing in his ears. He reached down and grabbed Rick's hand.  
"Better get me clean, then."

Rick led Daryl upstairs and into the bathroom by his room, turning on the shower before moving up behind Daryl and lightly kissing his neck, nibbling gently soft skin.  
"Nn.. Rick.." Daryl moaned before turning around and kissing him hard, sliding his hands underneath Rick's shirt to caress his abdomen and hips, fingers teasing at the waistband of his jeans. Rick's hands were already on Daryl's ass, dipping his fingers into the back pockets and squeezing.  
"Stop teasin', Dixon." Rick growled, nipping Daryl's lip when he huffs a laugh. He stepped back and pulled his shirt off before helping Daryl with his when he hesitates. "Hey.." He holds Daryl's head in his heads, waiting for averted eyes to look at him. "It's me. I've seen them before, remember?"  
Daryl gazes at him, lips twitching into a small smile as he leans forward and kisses Rick, firmly and more desperately. They hurriedly got out of their jeans and stumble into shower, snickering in between kisses and gentle neck bites. Daryl pushed Rick against the wall, pressing his hands against Rick's chest, lightly scratching the skin until red welts appear.  
Rick watches Daryl's eyes as he slowly looks down their bodies then up into his eyes again, wrapping his fingers around Rick's hardening length. He holds onto Daryl's shoulders as he stares down, watching and moaning softly as Daryl's hand slowly stroke his cock while his other hand caresses and gently squeezes his balls.  
"Fuck.." He whispers, closing his eyes and listening to Daryl pant softly against his lips. He slides a hand down in between their bodies and wraps his own hand around Daryl's cock, stroking in time with the other teen.  
"Rick.." Daryl ducked his head into Rick's neck, nipping and sucking hard at the skin under his jaw, hearing the moans rumbling from Rick's neck.  
"Daryl.. bedroom.. now." He laughs softly when he hears Daryl huff but lean back, caught off-guard by how gorgeous he looks with his dark blonde hair messy and stuck against his face, looking back at him through his lashes. Rick shuts the shower off and grabs Daryl's arm pulling him out of the shower and grabbing a towel before hauling him off to his bedroom.  
"If only the kids at school could see you now.." Daryl smirked as Rick quickly pats their bodies dry. "All red-lipped and hard."  
Rick throws the towel on Daryl's head and quickly dries his hair. "Shut up." He throws the towel away and kisses Daryl before he has a chance to talk again, guiding him towards the bed and pushing him onto it.

"Mm.. now, turn around."

Daryl stares at Rick, hesitating.  
"Hey.." Rick smiles slightly, brushing his fingers over Daryl's lips. "It will feel better, like last time."  
Still gazing up at Rick, Daryl nods obediently before slowly rolling onto his back, listening to the sound of Rick moving onto the bed and hearing what must be Rick getting prepared. He's nervous to look back as it's still bright and that Rick might be staring at his scars, maybe even debating to go further.  
Suddenly he feels Rick lean over and kiss his shoulder. "You're tense, what's wrong?"  
"Nothin'."  
"..You want me to do something else?"  
"No-" He turns his head slightly to look up at Rick, appreciating his concerned look. "I'm fine." He presses his ass back into Rick's cock. "Fuck me already."  
With a laugh Rick teases his slick fingers at Daryl's entrance, watching as Daryl turns his head into the blanket and moan, spreading his thighs further apart. Rick eases a finger in and works it slowly, adding another once Daryl's relaxed enough. He kisses the scars on Daryl's shoulder blades, listening to Daryl's muffled moans as he strokes himself.  
"Rick, fuck me, damnit!"  
He looks at Daryl, face already flushed with his head turned to the side, lips parted and wet. He removes his fingers and positions himself, easing himself in, gripping onto Daryl's waist and his shoulder, listening to Daryl whimper as he presses back onto him. Rick swears under his breath, looking over the length of Daryl's back as he keeps his body still for a few moments before rocking his hips slowly.  
"Nnn.. fuck.." Rick tilts his head back and closing his eyes, his movements steady and slow.  
Daryl lulls his head to the side, panting softly. "Faster." He starts moving his hips back against Rick's, letting out a choked cry as Rick picks up the pace, steeling his hand down to wrap it around Daryl's cock, teasing the head with his fingers. He turns his face back into the blankets as Rick's hips start thrusting hard against him, the sounds of skin against skin, making something inside of him growing, having to bite the blanket to keep quiet so he can listen Rick's grunting as he grips the blankets above him to try and keep himself in place, making him cry out with every thrust.   
Rick leans over and starting to grind against Daryl, panting hard as he gets close, suddenly gripping Daryl's hips as he bucks his hips wildly, hearing Daryl cries turn into moans and sobs and muffled words, ducking his head as Daryl tenses around him, digging his nails into soft flesh as he comes, grinding his cock into Daryl's ass.  
Rick flops on top of Daryl, panting and moaning softly as he continues moving his hips slightly before stilling, listening to Daryl roll his head to face him, panting as well.  
"God..gonna be feelin' that.."  
Rick smoothes his hand over Daryl's back, staring at him through his lashes. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"   
"Nah.." He stares back at Rick, grinning slowly. "Well not the bad kind."  
Rick propped himself up, smiling slowly. "Good."  
Daryl sat up and kissed Rick, brushing his tongue lightly over his lower lip.  
"Mmm.. now I definitely need a shower."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. First Time, The Last Time We Ever Met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In The Air Tonight

 

Rick loved listening to In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins as he laid on his bed in complete darkness. The moon was full tonight, streaming light through his room, making him wish Daryl was here.

Their weekend together had just past but Rick would give anything to do it all over again. He made Daryl relax enough to smile and laugh, the first time he saw Daryl show how he really felt in almost the year they had been seeing each other. Sometimes Rick was still really confused about his sexuality, but the weekend had cemented his feelings about Daryl. Yes, he still loved girls, but Daryl was his exception, and Rick was Daryl’s.

He stretched out on his bed and smiled to himself as he thought about the day before when they laid bed, staring up at the ceiling, the room silent like it was now, Rick playing with Daryl’s hair. Daryl was the first to break the silence.  
"Let’s go." He almost whispered.  
Rick lips curled into a smile as he looked at him. “Go where?”  
Daryl shrugged, still staring at the ceiling. “Anywhere that ain’t here.”   
A few moments past. “I hear Maryland is nice.”  
Rick shifted onto his side, facing Daryl. “And what would we do there?”  
Daryl shrugged again. “Anything. You can still be a cop ‘n stuff. Close to D.C. .. I can hunt, repair bikes or cars. Weather will probably be nicer.”  
Rick studied him, laughing softly. “Serious?”  
Daryl quickly looked at him. “You damn right I’m serious.” Daryl had a way of saying the most serious things in the softest tone. It made Rick smile.  
"Maryland, huh?"  
Daryl gazed back at him and nodded.   
Rick leaned down and slowly kissed Daryl’s lips, his fingers brushing over Daryl’s jaw as fingers tangled in his hair.   
Rick would do it. Why not? They were young, smart, and willing to work hard. Not a lot of kids left Georgia, hell, not a lot ever left the town itself except to go to Atlanta for a long weekend party. He wanted more, and Daryl needed more. He’s sure his parents wouldn’t really mind; they would be confused about the whole thing for a little while but he could manage that. His friends would understand. Lori would understand.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by someone calling his name outside. Rick slowly sat up, listening again. It sounded desperate. It sounded like Daryl.   
He went over to the window and tried focussing his eyes. It was Daryl. His head whipping wildly from side-to-side, looking paranoid that someone might see him.  
"Daryl? Wait there, I’ll come down."  
He flew down the stairs, making sure he didn’t distract his mom from her little bookclub meeting in the living room. He slipped out the backdoor, Daryl's arms almost immediately wrapped around him, with his head buried into Rick's neck.  
"Hey.." Rick said softly as he wrapped his arms around Daryl. He could hear him panting heavily, his hair was damp with sweat like his back. Rick tried to pull himself away enough to look at him but Daryl wouldn’t let him move.  
"Hey, what’s wrong?"  
"Is your dad workin?" Daryl’s voice was strained.  
Rick nodded. “Yeah.. yeah he is..” He tried stepping away from Daryl again, feeling Daryl loosen his grip a little. Rick stared at Daryl’s face. Daryl’s hair was soaked with not only sweat, but blood. His own.   
"God, Daryl! What happened?" Rick reached up to touch Daryl’s cheek but Daryl grabbed his hand tightly.  
"Let’s go." Daryl’s eyes were full of fear and on the verge of tears.  
Rick shook his head in confusion. “I don’t-“  
"Somethin’ went bad, my dad and Merle did some deal or somethin’ and guys came and started going nuts and-" He was almost out of breath from speaking. "Rick let’s go. Grab some things and let’s go!"

  
Rick was frozen in place. Daryl was serious about the whole idea of Maryland and was ready to go with him. Right now.  
"Daryl, I can’t."  
Daryl was now the one confused. “What? Why?”  
"My dad got a call from Forsyth this morning. They’ve accepted my application to start next year.." Rick stared at Daryl whose brows slowly frowned. He smiled softly, touching Daryl's cheek. "Come with me. I will need to live in quarters but you can still come with me. You won’t be with your dad or your brother."  
Daryl shook his head, his eyes never leaving Rick’s. “It’s not far enough. Merle knows people from there..”  
"They won’t get you-"  
"If they saw me even near you and know you’re training to  _be_  a cop they’ll beat my ass!”   
"I won’t let that happen to you, Daryl!"  
"Transfer somewhere else!"  
Rick closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “I can’t do that.”

  
There was silence, not even a breeze going past. It hung in the air, thick and heavy.

Rick opened his eyes and was met with that threatened Daryl Dixon look that first night he saw Daryl on the property.  
"You can’t, or you  _won’t_?”  
Rick’s throat had suddenly become tight and hard to swallow. He swore he could hear his heart beating out of his chest.  
"Both."  
Rick’s heart sank as he watched Daryl face changed to one betrayal, the answer he didn't want to hear sending him a few steps back.

"You asshole." Daryl whispered, his face screwing up in an attempt to conceal any tears, or any emotion. " _You lying asshole_.”  
"Daryl, I-"  
"Don’t talk to me!" Daryl barked, his body rigid as his eyes burned into Rick’s. "Go wherever, fuck who you want, do whatever you want, have a sunshine and rainbows life, _Rick Grimes_!” His voice had broken as he said Rick’s name. His resolve faltering. It was humiliating.  
Rick tried to grab for him but Daryl jerked his arm back as he continued moving away.   
"I regret ever uttering a damn word to you." He managed to push out of his throat as he watched Rick stand there, silent. 

  
"God damn you, Rick Grimes."

  
Rick tried to run after him, but tripped through over the hose. Once he got his footing though, Daryl had slipped through bushes and disappeared. Rick stood in his yard, replaying what just happened over, and over, and over.

  
After a while he didn’t feel the cold. It wasn’t until his mom had come out and asked what he was doing did he move. He feigned some excuse, not feeling well, then dragged his heavy body back to his room.   
He closed his door and slipped under the covers, smelling Daryl’s scent on the pillows.  
The weekend was perfect, and something he wanted to do again. It wouldn’t happen now.

  
 _God damn you, Rick Grimes_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays to all! Thank you SO much for all of your love, I hope to have the next chapter up in the next few days.


	4. Don't Let The Days Go By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atlanta

 

Rick never stopped looking for Daryl.   
He heard about an incident at the Dixon home when he was at police academy. Daryl’s father had been badly injured and ended with a dozen arrests- including Merle. There was no information on Daryl though. Rick had come to the conclusion Daryl wasn’t home or had slipped away, without a trace.

 

Rick had married Lori after graduating from the academy. Upon returning back home he had driven past Daryl’s old home, which had burnt down a year before. He kept checking records, always helping out with neighbouring counties when serious criminals were involved, yet it was never Daryl.  
Rick would sit Carl on his knee, wondering why a teenage romance plagued him into adult life; why a young teenager’s shocked, betrayed face was burned into his mind, why it still left him with a sick feeling inside. He was married, he had a child and his life was quiet and good..  _great_  even, yet it always felt like a piece was missing. He thought he would feel at peace if he knew where Daryl was, that he was okay; maybe that he was free from his family and doing well. Daryl may have had his own family.

Then Rick got shot.

Then the world changed.

For a while, Rick Grimes had lost everything.

He had gone to Atlanta, fought for his life, then was saved by a group.. a group Merle, or ‘a’ Merle was with. It kept him on edge until he and the group of survivors were on the way back to the camp.

Then ‘his’ name was uttered.

'His' name was wringing in Rick's ears. He was sure he heard it clearly. If it wasn't for his training he was sure he would have accidentally rolled the truck off the road.  
It took the world going to hell to get word of Daryl. The feeling intensified once he stepped out and saw Carl and Lori, held them, clutched onto them for dear life. His best friend was there too, Shane’s humble smile welcomed him. 

Yes the world had gone to shit; but the ones he cherished above everyone else’s were, coincidentally, altogether.

"Given any thought to Daryl Dixon?" The older man named Dale had asked Shane.  
Everyone in this group seemed hesitant to tell Daryl the news about his brother. It seemed natural, Rick thought. Even if it was Merle Dixon, it would make sense that news of his brother being absent would make him upset.  
Rick thought it was best to put the blame on himself. It seemed logical to him. He kept his actions calm and collected, and it appeared to be working well, yet every fiber of him wanted to go searching for Daryl.  
He would just have to wait for him to return.

The next day they had found a walker close to their camp. It took a few of them to put it down, the bloody, decaying being no longer human.  
Their own panting and sighing the only sounds around them again.  
  
Rustling.   
Twigs snapping.

Shane was ready to kill the next walker, then.. there he was.

  
Daryl.  
Daryl Dixon.  _His_  Daryl Dixon.

  
Seeing him made Rick’s body suddenly feel heavy. Daryl was older now; dark blonde hair now stained brown and slick against his forehead, his face slightly dirty and etched with fine lines that matched Rick’s. His eyes though, they have changed. The glint of hope seemed obscured by anger and bitterness. There was so much Rick wanted to tell him over the years, now that he is in front of him, it all disappeared as he watched this shadow of someone he used to know. Daryl seemed like a younger Merle, the suspicion becoming true as he watched Daryl swear and kick the now slain walker.   
This wasn’t the Daryl he remembered. This wasn’t the Daryl he was ready to leave his life in Georgia for. Even as he walked around, insulting Dale then wondering if his gnawed-on game was still good to cook, Rick felt sick right to his bones. Would Daryl even notice he was there? Would he even realise who  _he_  is?

They were walking back to the camp and there it was. It was fleeting but Rick was sure it happened; Daryl had glanced at him, only for a second, but to Rick it felt like a minute. His eyes were full of anger, bitterness, but what cinched it was they were full of indifference.   
He recognised Rick, and he didn’t care.

Back at the camp, Shane tried to tell Daryl what happened to Merle. Rick watched as Daryl started pacing like a caged animal, with all eyes on him.  
"Is he dead?"  
Shane tried watching Daryl through the sun in his eyes. “..Not sure”  
"Well, he either is or he ain’t!"  
Rick decided to step in. “There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it.”  
Daryl threw him a glare, his face in a permanent scowl.   
"Who are you?"  
Rick averted his eyes for a moment. He would have to play this like Daryl was another stranger, although he wouldn’t have to pretend much now.  
"Rick Grimes."  
"Well,  _Rick Grimes_..” Daryl growled at him. “Got somethin’ you wanna tell me?”  
"Your brother was a danger to us all. So I handcuffed him on a roof to a piece of metal, he’s still there."  
  
He saw it again, the pure betrayal and anger in his Daryl’s eyes. He watched as turned away from him and started pacing again.

"Let me process this. You say you handcuffed my  _brother_  to a  _roof_ , and you left him there!”  
Daryl stare mirrored the one from that night. So when he said yes and confirmed to Daryl that Merle was alive but locked up on top of a roof surrounded by walkers, he knew Daryl would lash out. He could never physically hurt Daryl, even as he came towards him with a knife. Rick knew reasoning with the younger Dixon might mean threatening him to keep him in line, but even after everything he still could never hurt Daryl.

When Daryl said he was going to get Merle, Rick made it clear he was going too. He couldn’t explain it to Lori, Carl or Shane. He just had to. His conscience wouldn’t let him sleep easy knowing someone was dying on his watch, even if it was  _Merle Dixon_ , and he couldn’t do that to Daryl as well.

As they separated to get ready for the trek back in to Atlanta, Rick managed to find Daryl alone near the killed walker. He needed to at least try to talk to him and have some sort of civilised conversation.

  
"I know you’re there, you’re so damn loud."

  
Rick watched him as he counted his arrows, stepping slowly towards him.   
"I’m glad you’re alive, Daryl."  
Daryl scoffed in reply. Rick frowned and approached him in two quick steps, moving around Daryl until he was standing right in front of him. “I looked for you  _everywhere_. Your house was gone, Merle was always in locked away. You were  _gone_.” He swallowed hard, staring at Daryl. “I  _tried_. I tried so damn hard, then I thought maybe,  _just maybe_  you were gone, living happy, away from all that shit.”  
Daryl finally looked up at him, the bitterness radiating off of him. “You know  _what_  happened to me?” He growled. “I was nearly killed -  _twice_! I had nearly every bone in my body broken and cut up and broken again.” His face to close to Rick’s, his eyes burning with pain and suffering. Rick could see everything Daryl was saying was true. He was broken, lost, a ghost of his former self.  
“I had  _nothin_ ’! I had no-one. I had nothin’ then and I have nothin’ except my crossbow now.”  
Rick gazed at him. “You have me..”  
Daryl stared back at him before laughing incredulously. “Nah.. you’re just someone I  _kinda_  know. The cop’s kid that grew up to be a cop, got married and had a kid. Livin’ the American Dream. You’re  _nothin_ ' to me,  _Rick Grimes_.” He growled.  
Rick ducked his head and nodded slightly. “Well.. you’re still something to me.”  
Daryl stared at Rick as he walked away. He stood there in silence, listening to feet retreating.   
The world had gone to shit, and Daryl still had nothing.


	5. I'm Not The One You Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl Dixon's mind is a battlefield.

 

Rick sensed early on that he would have to aim his gun at Daryl just to get him to back away from any source of conflict. So far it only happened once but Rick would have to get in the middle of him and someone else - usually Shane- on a daily basis as they drove to the CDC. They were both equally glad they never had to travel together in the same vehicle, their contact staying to a group setting. While Daryl would hunt for food alone, Rick would stay with the rest of the group and look after Lori and Carl. Slowly though, Rick would leave for a few minutes to follow Daryl, just to make sure he would be okay.

To Rick though, Daryl acted like a child that always threw a tantrum. To Daryl, Rick was some mightier-than-thou jerk that popped up and started telling him what to do.

Yes, he had to yank back the man that was his lover, but he always had his back.  
Daryl wasn't oblivious to Rick stalking him, but he never mentioned it. He didn't want to start any conversations other than talks about where they were going or where to look for Merle.  
Wondering where Merle was always ate at Daryl's thoughts. It had bored into his mind and sat there, festering, like any walker they passed, sitting in the hot Georgian sun. When there was no trace of Merle at the camp, he felt relief and guilt; the relief that Merle wasn't there to hurt anyone, but it was washed away with the guilt that grew with every minute they all drove away from the site.  
He still wasn't sure if he would see his brother again. He wasn't sure how he felt about that realisation either.

 

Every day they neared the CDC, the less that guilt made itself known to Daryl. It was always there, reminding him, and he thought that maybe it'll always be there, but he would distract himself enough to continue surviving. Every time he could be useful to the group, he would leap on the chance - and if he could do something by himself, even better.   
Yet Rick was making that happen less and less. Daryl would grumble, growl and bark at him to leave him alone, and sometimes Rick would argue or defend his actions. Sometimes he would just nod and walk away.  
Daryl heard Lori mention Rick's actions once, when they were beside the fire, not hearing Daryl's approaching footsteps.  
"Why are you so worried about Daryl? I'm sure he can look after himself, he knows how to look after himself."  
"We all need to keep an eye on each other, Lori."  
"I get that, Rick, I really do." She sighed and shook her head, looking out into the darkness. "Just.. you don't even know him. What happens if you go following him and he lures you into a trap, or you just startle him when he's getting food and -"  
Rick cuts her off by leaning closer to her and speaking softly. "You're describing Merle. Daryl doesn't have family with him now, and he's just fighting to survive like the rest of us. You're right, I don't know Daryl, but he doesn't seem like the kind of person that would do any of those things, don't you think?"  
Rick watched Lori as she looked up then away again.  
"Besides.. I know better than to walk into a hunter's line of fire." He smirked.

  
Daryl slept closer to the group that night.

 

He woke up early the next morning and started his hunt. Most early morning hunts were alone as Rick would be huddled with his family, but this time he was already awake to follow Daryl.   
Every step Daryl made was intentional, his footing was quiet and his movements small and fluid. After an hour, he had enough squirrels to feed everyone and so started on his trek back when Rick emerged. He had slept in all of his clothes, including jacket and shoes, and bits of his hair stood on end.

  
"It's too early for a bodyguard."  
"Teach me how to skin one of them." Rick motioned to his catch.  
Daryl tried to gauge any hidden motives written on Rick's face. "For real."  
Rick nodded. "If this is how we have to live even for a little bit longer, then I should know how to do it."  
Daryl continued watching him before motioning with his head for Rick to move closer. He crouched silently next to Daryl and watched what he did, asking a few questions about how to cook it, what bits to leave.  It was a bit of a relief that Rick didn't try to bring anything deep and meaningful to the conversation, or even hint at the past. For Daryl it was still an exposed nerve that could set him off. Sometimes Rick looking at him would make him annoyed, but mostly it was uncomfortable. He hated people looking at him, he would rather be invisible; work in the dark.

 

The air was tense when they arrived back. Carl latched onto Rick and stayed there even while Shane and Lori berated him on how they were worried where he was. Daryl kept his distance; keeping himself occupied by skinning and cleaning the squirrels for cooking. It wasn't his issue. If Rick was trying to be an Almighty Leader then Shane half the time was trying to be judge and jury. He wasn't surprised when he found out the two were friends; but their differences were great. For all that it was worth, Rick used words and pleaded everyone's case, Shane made his opinion and thoughts known without much holding him back. Daryl had seen Shane use his fists or any force necessary.   
He wasn't even surprised to find out Shane and Lori were having an affair. The way they looked at each other - before Rick came along and afterwards - said it all. Guilt. Shame. Still, it wasn't Daryl's place to say anything, not even to Rick, it wasn't his business and they were adults that can sort it out themselves.

Within an hour they were back on the road. Daryl followed Dale's van while Shane was behind him in his ar. Before they left Shane had thrown Daryl a glance -  Daryl was sure it was meant to be threatening in some way - but it amused him to get under Shane's skin. He had a feeling it was a warning to stay away from Rick, like a jock telling someone to stay away from his cheerleader girlfriend.  
' _That's a thought_ ', he mused. He pondered with the idea that maybe Rick and Shane might of had a 'thing' before this started, but Shane gave the impression of a females-only, alpha male.

  
Daryl flung his cigarette out the window as they took the turnoff close to the CDC. His eyes were fixed straight ahead at the van in front of him that carried the former police officer. He had to admit to himself - how small it might be - that he was curious as to how Rick survived, seeing as Lori and Shane told the group that he was in a coma. How the hell did he survive  _in a coma_  while the camp had people like Amy and Jim, people who were awake and moving around suddenly get bitten and die?   
"Lucky son of a bitch." Daryl murmured to himself.

When the outbreak spread, Merle was in jail. Daryl had saved him from the rooftop, where Merle had gone delirious from sunstroke and alcohol. They spent a while with their uncle and father, something he still tried not to think about, before ending up with the people from Atlanta. It was Merle's idea to stay with the group, mainly for the reason they can steal supplies and 'strength in numbers' until they can flee.  
Daryl was surprised to see a face he knew. Lori's. What didn't surprised him though was that she didn't recognise him. That was good news to him though; he didn't want anyone from the past recognising him.  
He knew Lori married Rick, and they had a kid. Still, the first night him and Merle joined the group was awkward. Daryl wanted to ask where Rick was, if he still likes fucking in cars, shit like that just for the fun of it. Naturally, his conscious barred him from that.

"So, it's just you and your kid?" He asked that night while chewing at a piece of jerky, feigning interest in the fire in front of him.  
He looked at Lori when the silence stretched out. Her eyes were glassy as she looked over at Shane, who had ducked his head.  
He felt ashamed that his stomach dropped at that moment.  
Lori swallowed hard at the lump in her throat before speaking, her voice barely audible. "He was already in a coma and.." she trailed off.

Lori left for her tent shortly after that.

Then the weeks rolled on, everything kind of the same. Barely sleeping, barely eating, hunting, sleeping, come back to camp, eating, sleeping. People whining, people sobbing, people not lifting their weight. He wanted to leave, but Merle insisted on staying for a bit longer until they have more supplies.

He didn't realise that would be the last time he would see Merle.

  
The day started like all of the other mundane days that had passed. He was already out camping when he saw the deer. It could easily feed them for a few days. His aim was calculated and perfectly executed. He slowly moved back down the hill towards his game when he heard yelling and loud discussions. He peered through the bushes, scanning the group when his eyes stopped on a stranger with a white shirt, short hair..

No..  _not_  that stranger.. that wasn't a stranger.

Blood drained from Daryl's face and arms. His body suddenly doubled it's weight as his stomach contorted into knots.

He didn't realise the stranger's name slipped out of his mouth.

His moment of shock was suddenly washed away and replaced with a distant feeling; one he hadn't felt in a long time. It could have been anger, resentment, fear, betrayal.. it could have been all of those, everything hit him at once.  
In that moment, Daryl didn't hate Rick, he just .. didn't feel anything for him. It annoyed him how he couldn't just hate his former lover, it pissed him off more than walkers.

  
Even now there were so many questions he wants answered but doesn't want to ask. Would Rick even give him answers to his questions? Questions would mean he cares, and Daryl Dixon doesn't care.

  
His thoughts were interrupted by the van slowing down as it approached a large, unique building, with 'CENTERS OF DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION' emblazoned at the entrance.

Hopefully the last stop he ever has to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said on Tumblr, I have a playlist that includes songs that have been referenced already, songs that will be and ones just for mood right now. It will be added and changed as we go along! It's right here 8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old


	6. Love Action [Flashback]

 

"We should go to Atlanta."  
".. Why do we need to go to Atlanta?"  
"No real reason. Just heard this guy - you know Nate Burrows?"  
".. The idiot with the red car?"  
"Yeah that idiot. Anyway he just came back, spent a few nights with his girlfriend there. We should go up."  
Daryl slowly raised his brow as he looked at Rick stretched out over the back seat. "The hell would we do in  _Atlanta_? Hold hands and  _not_  get our asses beat?  
Rick laughed. "Since when do we hold hands?" He stared at Daryl then smiled slowly. "Come on, it'll be fun. I hear Springsteen is playing a show up there."  
"I'd rather see Motley Crue."  
"I thought you liked The Boss?"  
"I do, but I'd rather see Motley Crue."  
"Okay, we'll see Motley Crue."  
Daryl's lips twitched into a smile. "We're going to need money."  
"Don't worry about that."  
"..What are you going to tell your parents?"  
Rick scooted closer, brushing his lips against Daryl's. "I'll think of somethin'."  
Daryl gazed back at Rick through his lashes but didn't move to kiss Rick. "You always got a plan?"  
"Uh huh."  
"Mm."  
"Gonna kiss me yet?"  
Daryl rolled his eyes before kissing his favourite idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babies! I'll be doing a few of these mini flashback chapters in between heavy or not-as-centric Rickyl chapters, as well as in between episodes when they air :)


	7. No Comfort In The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The CDC seems like Rick and Daryl's group to thrive..

 

 

Daryl had never eaten Italian food before, aside from a tin of mushed spaghetti. The feast their host, Dr. Edwin Jenner, had put on for them was something different. Spaghetti, lasagne, garlic bread, wine.. it was a feast for the gods. The group lapped it all up, Daryl especially, choosing to opt out of the wine and instead go for some fine whiskey, making sure Glenn downed half of it by himself.  
For the first time the atmosphere was light and fun; full of laughter and playful banter. It was almost as if the outside world was far away.

Soon afterwards though Shane changed the mood, asking Jenner why The Center of Disease Control And Prevention was occupied by one lone person.  
Rick's jaw clenched at Shane changing the conversation to serious matters. Glenn dropped his shoulders and Daryl rolled his eyes. He glanced at Rick's face, noting the tension in his jaw. Shane made Rick do that a lot lately, he noticed.

Jenner had told them workers fled, some committed suicide, however he decided to stay and keep working  
"Dude, you are such a buzzkill.." Glenn sighed to Shane.  
There were a few moments of silence before Lori looked around and cleared her throat.  
"I hope you don't mind, but I am kind of tired from .." she laughed. "The day, the week..  is there anywhere we can make a bed?"

Jenner gave them something better.

 

 _Hot running water_.

 

Inside the shower, Rick could die happy. This nightmare they were living was running off his body and down into the drain at his feet. He wrapped his tired arms around Lori and sighed happily.  
This water made everything better.

Daryl was just as satisfied with washing his face and hands, but felt relaxed enough to down a bottle of Johnnie Walker in his new, clean quarters. Dusty, bloody and torn clothes and shoes still on as he flopped onto his crisp bed. His body wasn't used to alcohol as much as it used to be; the half a bottle of whiskey making his limbs a bit heavier and his mind, fortunately, more relaxed.

His body jumped back into alert mode at a knock at his door.  
  
Daryl groaned as he got up. "What?"  
Muttering under his breath he moved over to the door and swung it open, frowning slowly at Rick standing there, wearing clean clothes and damp hair showing the slightest of curls, in his hand a half empty wine bottle.  
"Mind if I come in?"  
Daryl  _did_  mind, but Rick would find a way in no matter what he said. Daryl shuffled back to his bed, waving his hand in the air before flopping back down on the mattress. Rick thanked him as he slipped inside and closed the door behind him.  
"Your boyfriend has his grumpy pants on or somethin'" Daryl murmured.  
Rick pulled a chair over near the bed and slowly sat down. "I don't know what's with Shane these days.. can't really blame him for wanting answers though." Rick took a swig of his wine as he sat back in the chair.  
"Yeah, well, he ain't invited to the next party." Daryl shifted to get comfortable.  
Rick smiled slightly as he watched Daryl.  
"Remember that time we were laying out in the field and we got bit by those damn fire ants?"  
Daryl took a long sip of whiskey, thinking. Are they really going to do this? Go back to 'the good ole days' like nothing happened?  
"Yeah I remember. My ass looked like a teenager's pimpled face"  
Rick chuckled and took another sip of wine. "Mm."  
  
A smile stayed lingering on his lips while they sat silently, drinking. Daryl was staring at the ceiling, but he could see Rick glancing at him every few seconds out of the corner of his eye. When Rick looked at him again Daryl stared straight back at him. The two men stayed like that, neither breaking eye contact.  
"Why you keep looking at me." Daryl didn't ask it as a question.  
Rick hesitantly took another sip of wine, his gaze unfaltering. "What happened, Daryl? After that night.. what happened?"  
"Why do you care?"  
"Why don't you want to tell me?"  
Daryl shot up and swung his legs over the bed, standing up and almost looming over Rick.   
"You wanna know what happened to me?" Daryl stared at him, his tone immediately defensive. "Well lemme see.. my dad was in hospital for a month, my brother was sent away, I couldn't stay in my house because it was a crime scene so I stayed in my uncle's shitty trailer until my dad was outta hospital." Daryl leaned closer to Rick. "And you know what he did then? He aimed a gun at my damn head and told me I was a pussy for bailin'!" He was breathing heavily and his chest felt tight, especially with Rick staring at him like a wounded dog. "He was too weak to beat me or throw shit at me. Then, yeah, for a bit shit was fine because I lived in some abandoned place by myself in the woods, then Merle came home, my dad thought I was okay to be around then, but  _that_  house got burnt down and we lived with my uncle in his crappy-ass trailer where I got beat up some more."

Rick slowly stood up and reached out for Daryl's shoulder but Daryl smacked it away.  
"Don't you dare touch me! You don't have the right too." Daryl growled.  
Rick raised his hands in defence. "I wasn't going to hurt you or anything, Daryl, I'm sorry.." He stared at Daryl as he went back into his defensive stance, like he was ready to deflect anything that was going to hit him.   
"'Won't hurt you or anything', he says.." Daryl frowned. "You thick or somethin'? You already  _did_   _that_!"  
Rick stared at him, feeling like the wind was kicked out of him. "Daryl, I-"  
"Whatever, I don't wanna hear it." Daryl moved away before stopping and turning around to glare at Rick. With three steps he was suddenly in front of Rick again. "You know, I went through some shit, but you were just as bad as Merle, my mom, my dad, and you wanna know why  _Rick Grimes_? You really wanna know?" He sneered. "Because you gave me happiness and hope and shit, then you ripped it away from me!" The words tasted foreign and strange in Daryl's mouth, but they dripped with venom, he was hoping at least.  
  
He wasn't ready for Rick to bark back.   
  
"I was  _scared_ , okay!" Rick felt his heart thumping inside his chest. He stared at Daryl whose eyes grew wide. "I was scared. I was a scared kid that never had a full plan that was my own. I was confused about what I was, that I had no plan for my future.. I wasn't like you, Daryl, I was  _scared_  to do  _anything_  on a whim. I was even scared to look up your damned name in case I saw you had  _died_."   
Rick smoothed his hair off his forehead and sighed. He looked around the room they were in, the world they were now confined too.  
He took a deep breath in before continuing. "Daryl.. I didn't lie. I never lied about how I felt about you and wanting the best for you.." He looked at Daryl when the other man shifted in place. "If I could go back and do it differently, believe me, I would, I regret so much of what I did, but I can't regret some of the things I did. If.. If I regret marrying Lori it means I regret having my son and I  _can't do that_." His voice was soft again, but he hoped every word got into Daryl's head.  
Daryl's nostrils flared and his lip twitched, but he kept his voice low and even. "So.. what? We best friends now?"  
Rick stepped closer to Daryl, his voice just as low. "If we are to survive this thing, we need to work together. If this is where we live now then we need to wipe the slate clean and start again if we have any chance of living around each other peacefully."  
They stared at each other for a while, not uttering a word. Daryl noticed Rick's eyes were alive, focussed, clear.  _Like a leader_. He huffed at that.  
"Fine,  _Officer_. If we're wipin' the slate clean.. I don't trust you, I think if your best friend Shane whispered in your ear to leave you'll run with your little family at any chance you get. But hey, if you are as upstanding as your uniform says you are, you might actually stick around and try to look after all these sorry sons 'a bitches. And like I said at the camp - I don't care for you, you are nothin' to me, just someone else that's not a walker'."  
Rick nodded. "Fine. I take full responsibility for my actions in the past and from this day on, but if we're doing this then I need to let you know how it's going to be. We are going to live here and be civilised. I will help you look for Merle any chance we get and I will help you with any supply or food runs we need to do in the future, but I need you to stop acting like a child. I need you  _with_  me and not against me and everyone else. Do I make myself clear?"  
The small distance between them was thick with tension. Quiet. Almost ready to ignite.  
Daryl slowly nodded and stepped back towards his bed. " _Fine_."  
Rick eyed him before lowering his gaze and heading to the door, slowly opening it before looking at Daryl. "Just so you know, I'm not running anyway. You ain't getting rid of me that easily."

With that, Rick left, closing the door silently behind him.

Daryl laid in bed for what seemed like hours, maybe days, downing the last of his whiskey and opening another.  
He really wished he could hate Rick Grimes.

 

 

Hunger.

 

 

Daryl's eyes snapped open at the sudden feeling of hunger. He looked around his quarters and rubbed his eyes. He had no idea how long he'd been asleep for but the only thing that was on his mind was food.  
He padded to the kitchen area where everyone was quiet, cutlery against plates filling the room - and it was too loud for his brain right now. He managed to grab a piece of toast and sprinkle it with scrambled egg before everyone got up and followed Jenner.   
Usually Daryl wouldn't follow a group and leave precious food behind, but the atmosphere compelled him to follow.

The group followed Jenner to the command center; a clean station area that closely resembled a NASA command center Rick had seen on tv and in movies. He exchanged glances with Daryl before looking up at the large screen. It showed something resembling a live x-ray of a brain. A human brain.   
They listened as Jenner informed them about the brain; the synapses firing, everything that made a person unique and individual. Memories, experiences. Everything. 'From the moment of birth to the moment of death'.  
The person they were looking at had been bitten and volunteered to be studied. Rick looks at Lori then back at the screen as the first event plays; the test subjects brain shutting down followed by the body failing, the person ultimately dying. Jenner then shows them the second event, a reanimation of the brain that occurrs in different patients upwards to a couple of hours. This one took a few hours. A gun is lowered into view and shoots a bullet into the brain, killing the patient.  
Daryl stares at the screen before Jenner powers it down and the group start asking Jenner if he knows what this sickness.. illness.. whatever, if it's just here or everywhere. Every answer isn't enough for everyone to be satisfied. Daryl glances over at Rick when he confronts Jenner about how him and scientists like him around the world not knowing more. Daryl thinks that if he were high this whole situation would just make him laugh. He also thought that if Merle were here, he'd be beating better answers out of the scientist.  
  
Dale brings attention to a digital clock counting down. Everyone eagerly awaits an answer from Jenner about it.  
He hesitates before looking at Dale. "The basement generators, they.. run out of fuel."  
Rick stares at him, brows furrowing. "And then?"  
Jenner walks past Jacqui and Lori silently.  
Rick's heart starts thrumming in his chest. He decides to ask V.I., who informs them that a two-part facility decontamination will occur at the end of the countdown.  
In less than an hour.

Rick decides to go with Shane, T-Dog and Glenn to check the generators while Daryl heads back with the others to their individual quarters. He has no idea what this 'decontamination' is, but it calls for more alcohol. Grabbing his fresh bottle of whiskey he starts taking gulps until a familiar numbness washes over him.

So, this is the world now. Walkers and the lucky ones that are alive. This is it.

 _Fan-fucking-tastic_.

Daryl snaps out of his thoughts at the sound of the air conditioning and lights shutting off. A few minutes later he can hear commotion outside his door and with two steps he's over to open it.  
"Hey what's goin' on? Why'd everything turn off?  
Jenner whisks past, grabbing his bottle and taking a gulp as everyone starts following him.  
Daryl  _hates_  vague answers.  
He follows Jenner as he dismisses everything shutting down as 'energy being prioritised'. Daryl asks him what it means and the scientist doesn't budge. Annoyed, Daryl and the others follow him to the control center, where they meet up with Rick, Shane, Glenn and T-Dog.  
  
Rick walks straight up to Jenner then starts walking next to him, asking for an answer and getting a similar response to Daryl's, Jenner only saying that the system will keep the bare minimum - mainly the computers - running until the 30 minute mark of the countdown.

Rick looks at the red numbers. 00:31:28.  
  
Thirty-one minutes.

What exactly was going to happen in thirty-one minutes?

Rick suddenly goes into protection mode and orders everyone to grab their things. They will be leaving their temporary paradise.

 

Then, sirens.

 

V.I.'s screen lights up and announces the thirty minute mark.

Shane repeats Rick's order just as Jenner shuts the doors.  
Glenn steps back in shock.  
"Did he just lock us in? Did he just lock us in!?"  
A wave washes over Daryl as he looks around, his eyes locking on Jenner. He runs over to him with the intention of beating the scientist to death- or close to it. Before he knows it Shane is pulling him off with T-Dog helping.  
Rick is tempted to let Daryl do what he wants.  _No_. If people treat him like a leader then he has to act like one and be the example. He moves quickly to Jenner while Daryl is restrained for the time being.  
"Jenner, open that door  _now_."  
Jenner adjusts himself on the seat. "There is no point.. the emergency exits are sealed."  
"Well open the damn thing!" Dale shouts.  
"That's not something I can control, the computers do." He looks at Rick. "I told you; once that front door closes they wouldn't open again. You heard me say that."  
  
An eerie silence falls over the group.   
  
Jenner stares empathetically at Rick. "It's better this way."  
Rick throws him a look. "What is?" He looks over at the glaring red clock. "What happens in twenty-eight minutes?"  
Jenner goes silent again.   
Rick looks at Shane as he kicks Jenner's chair, his nostrils flared. This time, Rick yells his question at Jenner.  
" _Do you know what this place is!_ " Jenner fires back. "We protected the public against  _very nasty stuff_! Weaponised smallpox! Ebola strains that could wipe out  _half the country_ ; stuff you don't want  _getting out_.  _Ever_!"  
Rick couldn't take his eyes off Jenner, even when he calmed himself and sat back down again.  
The scientist finally told them what would happen in less than thirty minutes. A high-impulse thermal explosive would be activated, igniting the oxygen around them that propels an explosion.

 

This is where they will die.

 

 

No.  
 _No_.   
'I am not dying like this', Daryl swears to himself, staring at Rick as a daze sets on the former officer's face. He looks at Lori and Carl before looking at Rick again, whose eyes are already on him.  
"Bull _shit_."  
Daryl marches over to the entrance and tries to find a crack, a hidden button,  _anything_. Rick joins him and tries prying the doors apart, all efforts in vain, but they have to try.  
Daryl throws his alcohol at the door. "Open the damn door!"  
Shane runs up the ramp with an axe and hits the door. T-Dog throws Daryl the other axe as they try to break it down, the sound echoing through the command center.  
Daryl never gave up when his face was being pulverised, when his bones were broken, his skin blooming with different colours as fresh bruises replaced two-old ones.  
Fuck this scientist.  _Fuck everything_.  
He finds himself waltzing over to Jenner, axe in hand, ready to take his head off. Rick and the other men restrain him again before Rick gently pushes him away, and for once Daryl doesn't fight it. He paces back and forth as Jenner repeats something Rick confided to him about the night before.  
"It was a matter of time before everyone you love was dead.."  
Rick's eyes went over to Lori as he face showed all of her shock. She looked down, clutching Carl tighter.  
No.  _No_. This place wasn't their answer, Rick believed that.  
  
Daryl had run out of ideas, his only urge was to break everything-including Jenner. His thoughts were stifled when Shane almost jumps the scientist, aiming his rifle at Jenner's head. Daryl watches as Rick pleads with Shane to halt, not even sure _how_ Rick could stay so calm - or at least feign it - even when their inevitable end was only minutes away. Shane, however, let his anger and frustration out by firing at nearby computers before Rick is able to grab onto the weapon and rip it from his hands, using the butt of the gun to drop Shane to the floor.  
The smirk didn't appear on Daryl's face, but he was feeling it before their current predicament hit him again.  
Rick's eyes travelled around the room before they locked eyes again.  
They get to die together.  
 _What a fairytale_.  
  
While Rick believed there was still hope and a chance for life to go back to normal, Daryl dismissed the idea that he was dying in this room after everything life threw at him. Not if _he_ had a say in it. He gripped the handle of the axe tightly as he moved back to the door and started hitting it. He kept his arms moving, the axe hitting the door over and over.

 

  
Suddenly, the doors opened.  
The doors  _opened_.

  
  
Daryl yelled at the group to hurry. He runs up the narrow stairs and continues running until he finds himself at the foyer, hearing the others following. Shane and him take their axes to the windows, their attempts fruitless as Daryl quickly realises that their strikes have made no impact on the windows. Shane starts firing shots at the glass. Nothing.   
Then Rick yells at them to move as he steps forward to the glass, holding a grenade. Daryl steps back quickly and hides behind the corner as Rick places the device down before running back for cover as the grenade explodes, sending him flying beside Daryl.   
Rick hits the floor with a loud thud. His ears ring loudly as someone helps him up to his feet. He stumbles slightly as he shakes the sound from his ears, quickly coming to and running with everyone out of the gaping hole in the glass. Daryl runs for his pickup while Rick, Glenn, Lori and Carl pile into Dale's van. Rick slips into the drivers seat and is about to start the van when Dale and Andrea emerged from the CDC.

  
Rick checks his watch. Time is about up.

  
He punches the horn and waves his hands at Andrea and Dale, telling them to take cover before ordering everyone to the back of the van as a roar builds in the air.  
A thundering boom floods their ears as the ground shakes. Even inside the van the air is hot, the shaking becoming more violent as Rick realises the building is imploding in on itself.

  
Then, silence.

 

Daryl slowly sits up and looks at where the CDC once stood. He doesn't realise his hands are shaking even as he gripped the steering wheel.

 

He made it. Daryl Dixon  _made it_.

 

The silence turns deafening after a few seconds before the collective of their cars starting cuts through.  
Dale's van turns out onto the road, T-Dog, Daryl, and Shane following straight behind it.  
  
No one knew where they were heading right now, just that their answers were not in Atlanta anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a pain in the ass to write but I swear from this point on it gets better fsjkdflsdfjkaflkdfdslfkdjf *loves you all so mu-uh-uuuuch*


	8. This Lonely View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the demolishment of the CDC, Rick and Daryl along with the group head to Fort Benning..

 

[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

The road to Fort Benning stretched around the earth for Rick. After a while everything blurred into one another. They had all driven for a few minutes out of Atlanta before they pulled over and collected their thoughts. T-Dog was hit hard by Jacqui's decision to stay with Jenner at the CDC. Andrea for the most part was silent, her mind burning with resentment at Dale for not letting her die with dignity.  
For Rick it was the opposite. It was the choice he wanted for his family, and for Daryl. Daryl didn't deserve a pathetic, roll-over ending. He survived where his family - including Merle - didn't. That meant something, at least to Rick.   
It did mean something to Daryl as well. He did contemplate that he might be the last member of his family alive. Why him though? Merle and his dad were stronger in every way, yet he was the one breathing.  
  
Even though it was Rick's idea to go to the CDC and what might have been their death, he did reason with a suicidal scientist to let them go and have another chance.

Daryl had to admit that counted for something.

The group decides to band closer in terms of transport, with Carol, Sofia, Rick and his family in the car, and Dale, Glenn, Andrea, Shane and T-Dog in the van. Daryl couldn't part with his brother's motorbike, opting to be alone on the road but leading them out in front. 

Rick drives behind the van, with Carl, Sofia and Carol in the backseat and Lori in the front with him. She would reach over and touch his thigh when he become too quiet. After a while he started talking though, laughing even, recalling the time him and Lori went on a vacation to the Grand Canyon.

Before long they found the roads harder to wind through; having to weave through cars and personal belongings. Suddenly the van stops with a loud clunk as smoke emerges from the bonnet, making the group stop in the middle of the littered highway.

"Just great." Daryl murmurs to himself as he gets off the bike, surveying the area. There was one advantage to this mess; they could grab essentials from the vehicles around them. Lori is unnerved by the idea yet Rick favours the idea and everyone starts a hunt for food, water and fuel from the cars to siphon into their own. Daryl manages to get half a can of fuel out before he hears Rick's frantic whispering for everyone to drop under the cars.   
Daryl quickly looks around and saw why. A herd of walkers are making their way through, and they're approaching quickly.  
Rick dives under a car and looks back at Lori and Carol huddled together under a car behind him, Lori covering Carol's mouth to silence or calls for Sophia. The children scurry under separate cars close to Rick.

The slow shuffling of feet across the hot road picks up in sound and seems to go on for hours as they all lay silent; any foreign sound or movement would alert the walkers.

Guttural sounds.

Shuffling.

Low growling.

T-Dog and Daryl are further away from the oncoming walkers but have trouble getting adequate cover. T-Dog manages to find a car to hide into and falls back, slicing his forearm open on the sharp corner of the door. The blood pulsates out violently and rapidly, covering his arm and the ground. Daryl slips in between cars and notices T-Dog's arm. Quietly, he moves over to T-Dog, killing a walker before covering T-Dog with the freshly-slain walker before covering himself with a decayed body from another car. Their scent throws off the oncoming walkers as they limp and shuffle on by.

Then, silence.

Rick looks up at Lori then at Carl who smiles back at him in relief. Daryl lays close to T-Dog until the silence has settled for a good minute until he throws the corpses off of them and pulls T-Dog up. His wound is deep, it needs to be cleaned and patched up. He most likely will need blood too.  
Daryl looks at the other man, not sure if T-Dog was going to survive today.

Before the silence can settle them all, yelling and screaming break out. Daryl pulls T-Dog to his feet and over to the van before running over to the group, watching Lori hold Carol.  
"My baby! Get my baby!" She screams as she clutches onto Lori's arms around her.  
Lori tries calming the mother down to no effect. "Rick will get her, it's okay!"  
Daryl looks out to the woods, unable to see any trace of Rick. He let's out a pressed sigh.

It seems like a while until Rick's back. Daryl notices he's alone. Rick pulls Shane, Glenn and Daryl over.  
"You three, I need you to come with me. Now."  
While the men out, he tells the men he saw her briefly and told her to hide. If it was clear, he advised her to head back to the road with the light over her left shoulder. He pressed to them he told her that.   
Inside, Rick was in still running on adrenaline, but a feeling in his gut was slowly creeping up. Dread. He knew they would find Sophia but it was the idea of a child, alone and scared, that made him feel sick. A child on  _his_  watch.

They arrive where Rick left her, under the root system of a large tree that made like a little cave. Daryl looks in and around him, seeing footprints that lead up to the path.  
"She did what you said, went back to the highway. Let's spread out."  
Daryl follows Sophie's footprints to the clearing nearby before stopping.  
"All she had to do was keep goin'. She veered off that way."  
He points to the thicker part of the woods. Rick sighs before telling Glenn and Shane to head back and keep people calm but focused on other tasks while Daryl and him continue searching. The men part, with Shane and Glenn making sure they stick to their path while Rick follows Daryl in the direction of Sophia.

After a half an hour Rick looks around his feet, not seeing anything. "Track's gone."  
"No.. faint. They ain't gone." Daryl points ahead. "She came through here.."  
Rick stays close behind Daryl. "How can you tell? I don't see anything but dirt and grass."  
"You want a lesson in tracking or you want to find that girl, get our ass up the interstate."  
Rick looks ahead at Daryl, slowly moving up close to his shoulder.  
"Did.. did I do the right thing..? I had no other choice if I were to get rid of those walkers and keep her alive-"  
"You didn't have a choice, Rick.." Daryl interrupts, scanning the dirt. "No one else ran after her."  
  
Continuing on a little longer before a sound jolts them out of their search. They duck down and notice a zombie wandering around nearby. Rick runs ahead to distract it while Daryl moves behind it and shoots an arrow into it's head. The men look at each other before approaching the corpse and Rick notices immediately the fresh blood around it's mouth. He checks for fresh skin under it's nails.   
It has eaten recently.  
Rick grabs his knife out and rips the shirt open, mentally preparing himself for what he's about to do.  
"Here.." Daryl suddenly murmurs. "I'll do it. How many kills have you skinned and gutted in your life anyway." He pulls his knife out. "Mine's sharper."  
Daryl stabs the corpse and drags his knife down the flesh before pulling the knife out, stabbing and drawing the knife down again to get through the organs. Rick turns his head away at the feeling of something rising in his stomach, not having eaten in a while and the corpse reeks. Daryl sends his knife down into the body again and they share a glance; Daryl's of indifference and Rick's of gratitude that Daryl offered to do..  _this_. Daryl shoves his hand in and searches around before finding the stomach, pulling it out with a quick yank. He puts it down and cuts it open, the smell engulfing the both of them. Rick covers his nose, thinking he'll be sick any minute now.  
Other than the remnants of a woodchuck, they find nothing human.  
No Sophia.  
Daryl doesn't have to look at Rick's face to know what he's feeling.  
"It's gonna get dark soon.."  
Rick nods slightly as he stares at the corpse before standing with Daryl.

They take their time walking back, neither man saying a word for most of it. Daryl listens to the twigs snapping under their feet before turning his head to look at Rick through his lashes. The other man's eyes are downcast and looked in a daze.  
"We'll find her. Tomorrow.."   
Rick's head tilted up to look at the path ahead of them before nodding. "Yeah.." He sighs before looking back at Daryl. "You're good at this, better than good. I'd feel much better if you looked after the finer details." Daryl eyes met his again. "Could you.. oversee this..? Anything you say goes.."  
Daryl nods slowly before looking ahead at the path.

 

"You didn't find her?" Carol whimpers, barely containing herself.  
"The trail went cold. We'll pick it up again first light."  
Carol shook her head. "You can't leave my daughter out there on her own and spend a night in the woods!  
Daryl intervened "Huntin' in the dark is no good. We'll just be trippin' over ourselves. More people'll get lost-"  
"But she's only twelve!" Carol pleads with them, staring at Daryl. "She can't be out there on her own. You didn't find anything?"  
Rick tries to calm her. "I know it's hard but I'm asking you not to panic. We know she's out there."  
Daryl confirms what Rick's saying, trying to sound as positive as Rick. "We tracked her for a while."   
Rick turns to look at the group. "We have to make this an organised effort. Daryl knows the woods better than anybody, I've asked him to oversee this."  
Carol, breathing heavily, looks at Daryl. She spots something on his pants.  
"Is.. is that blood?"  
Daryl shifts uncomfortably in place as Rick tells her it's only walker blood. He can see the despair written on her face, and he's certain he can feel it.  
"There was no sign it was anywhere near Sophia." He tries to keep her calm, even when she looks like she will faint into Lori's arms.  
Andrea softly interrupts. "How can you be so sure..?"  
Rick and Daryl exchange glances.  
"We cut the son of'a bitch open."  
Carol braces herself against the road barricade, Lori sitting down next to her. She's almost panting before she looks up at Rick, her face turning into a sneer.   
"How.. how could you just leave her out there to begin with?"  
Rick swallows hard and takes a step back.   
"How could you just leave her?"  
"Two walkers were on us, " He bent down to try to come eye level with her. "I-I had to draw them off, it was her best chance."  
Shane moves to Rick's side. "He didn't have a choice, Carol."  
She stares at Shane then turns to Rick, her face pleading again. "How is she supposed to find her way back on her own?" Her soft voice breaks. "She's just a child.."  
Rick ducks his head. The knotted feeling in his stomach shot through his heart, cementing itself in his throat. He looks up at the desperate, anguished mother in front of him, his own eyes now pleading with her.  
"It was the only option, the only choice I could make.."  
"'m sure nobody doubts that.." Shane murmured, but loud enough for Carol to hear. She looks over at him before her red, tear-filled eyes pierce Rick's.

"My little girl's left in the woods?" Her voice was shattered.

Rick eyes linger on hers before he bows his head. He's sure he might be sick soon. Between Carol's whimpers and the feeling inside of him he can't look at Carol anymore. He gets to his feet, glancing at Lori before looking at the group and stepping away. He had to get away, he had to.. get away from this.  
Daryl follows Rick for a few steps to see which direction he heads. He watches as the former officer walked away, feet landing heavily on the ground, his body showing all signs of fatigue. Daryl might not think highly of Rick or feel certain of his choices sometimes, but he knew the man felt guilty and responsible for a girl left stranded in the woods, and that every look and every word Carol said was now embedded into his brain. More importantly, he knew Rick wouldn't abandon a search unless he absolutely had to. To Daryl, Rick did the right thing.

Despite Lori and Shane's efforts to get Rick to sleep with everyone in the van, he opted for a sheltered pick-up.  
Daryl slipped into the truck next to the car, keeping watch of him.

The next day brought an air of uncertainty. No one slept nor barely ate, but Rick greets the group with a new-found focus on finding Sophia.  _Today_.  
Rick pulls out knives and tells everyone to take one while Shane informs them Rick and him will have guns, much to Andrea's chagrin.   
Daryl briefs the group on their search path to the creek as it'll be her only landmark.   
Before long the group move into the woods, staying in a single line behind Daryl.

Other than a lone tent with a severely decayed body, there is no trace of Sophia. Daryl looks over at Rick as he tries to comfort Carol while pushing away his own feelings of defeat.  
In the distance they here a sound.

Church bells.  
Church bells ringing clearly.  
  
The group sprint in the direction with the new hope of finding Sophia there. Rick's heart thumps in his chest as they make it to a clearing with a small, white chapel in the middle of the open space. They run up the stairs and slowly open the doors, finding three figures sitting in the pews. They slowly turn around.   
Just walkers.  
Shane, Rick and Daryl take out one each before the rest of the group file in and look around. They call out, yell out Sophia's name.  
Shane slowly frowns, looking at Rick. "This church.. there's no steeple."  
The bells ring again and everyone runs out and looks around the church before Glenn and Daryl find the source; a lone speaker. Glenn turns it the timed recording off.  
  
No Sophia. Again.

Everyone takes the time to recollect their thoughts. Carol goes inside to pray while Lori follows her. Daryl goes to scope the perimeter of the clearing. Shane watches Rick as he stands frozen in place, his face painted with confusion.  
Rick hears Shane's advice that they have to move on as nighttime approaches soon. But he can't stop. He  _can't_  stop. Not yet.

Daryl looks over at the men as he slowly moves back over to the group. He can tell that Rick is silently disagreeing with whatever Shane is saying. He has a feeling Shane thinks this is fruitless, and maybe with each passing minute it is, but there's still hope of her not being far from them. Daryl lasted in the woods for over a week around her age, but that wasn't even with walkers trying to kill him.  
Maybe Rick is rubbing off on him.  
  
Shane pats Rick's arm before approaching the group, informing them that Rick and him are staying back for a little while and that Daryl can lead the rest back to the road.  
Daryl doesn't like the idea, but doesn't argue. "Splittin' us up." He looks at Rick. "You sure?"  
The men nod. "Yeah, we'll catch up to you." Shane says softly.  
Carl stares up at Lori then Rick. "I want to stay too. She was my friend.."  
Rick and Lori look at each other while Daryl's lip twitches. 'Just like his father.'  
Lori decides to let Carl stay with Shane and Rick. Daryl nibbles on the tip of his thumb as he watches Lori and Rick share a quick kiss and embrace before Rick offers her his pistol.  
Lori smirks slightly. "Nuh uh, not leaving you unarmed."  
Daryl moves intervenes, holding out a gun. "Here, got a spare. Take it."  
Lori takes the handgun from him and Rick looks at him, giving each other a nod before they go their separate ways.

 

Rick asks Shane to give him a second.

  
He goes into the church, staring at the wooden statue of Jesus on the cross.  
"I don't know if you're looking at me with what... sadness? Scorn? Pity? Love..? Maybe it's just indifference." He pulls his hat off and looks down at it with tired eyes, sighing softly. "I guess you already know I'm not much of a believer. I Guess I just put my faith elsewhere.. my family mostly.. my friends... my job.. the thing is we.." pause. "I could use a little something to help keep us goin'. Some kinda.. acknowledgment .. indication I'm doing the right thing." He whispers. "Do you know how hard that is to know?" He focuses on the blood suspended in time over Jesus' face. "Well maybe you do." He smiles weakly before taking two deep breathes and putting his hat on. He starts walking away before spinning around and moving back up to the statue. "Hey look I don't need to hold all the answers, just a little nudge - a  _sign_  - " He pauses again, trying to find the right words.

"any sign'll do."

 

Rick, Shane and Carl head back into the woods, careful to not make any sudden and loud sounds. Carl glances at his dad and smiles at him, making Rick smile genuinely for the first time in what feels like forever. Even though he questions all of his own decisions right now, he knows with all of his heart that Carl was the best decision he has made in his life. He wishes his son could have a normal upbringing though; Rick would give anything for Carl to get grumpy at his homework, play baseball with him in the yard, tell him all about girls- and boys. Carl always saw about the positives in people, and that made Rick wonder what Carl thought of Daryl. Did he find him intimidating? Scary, even? Maybe even a lone wolf? Would he trust Daryl with his life if it came to that?

Suddenly there was a sound up ahead and the trio stills. They peer through the brush and saw a stag, oblivious to them, strolling onto the path. Rick smiles, admiring the beautiful creature. Was this his sign from above? Was this the sign that everything will be okay? Even if the world doesn't return to what it was, does this mean that they can find safety? Find Sophia? Survive?  _Live_?  
Rick watches Carl slowly approach the animal. The sight makes his heart swell. He can give Carl this moment at least. Carl looks back at Rick and Shane, his face beaming with happiness. He turns back to continue moving closer, stepping on a twig and hearing the loud snap. The stag turns and looks at Carl in the eye, but makes no move to run.

 

A shot rings out.

 

The deer falls and Carl is propelled backwards, dropping to the ground.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to put this up yesterday however some personal things happened so it's up now and even though I don't like it I felt like I had to add info because there's some readers who are watching TWD for the FIRST time because of this story! I can't believe that, holy crap!
> 
> Anyway because I don't like this chapter I actually am going to edit the next one and have that up tomorrow when I wake up.
> 
> Also like on the Tumblr chapter posts I'm adding the pics because they've been a reader fav, and I like the ~imagery.
> 
> XXXX


	9. And Now It's Raining

[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

Lori stops and looks back towards the sound of the gunshot.  
"You still worrying about it?" Andrea asks, waiting for her.  
"Yeah, it was a gunshot."  
"We all heard it." Daryl nonchalantly replies.  
She looks back at Daryl. "Why one? Why just  _one_  gunshot?"  
Daryl shrugs. "Maybe they took down a walker."  
"Oh please don't patronise me." Lori states. "You know Rick wouldn't risk one gunshot to put down one walker - or Shane - they'd do it quietly."  
Carol quietly utters. "Shouldn't they have caught up to us by now?"  
Daryl knows that what Lori is saying is true; neither Shane or Rick would waste a bullet unless it was an emergency or they were in mortal danger, and yes, they should be close to them by now at least.  
Yet he tries to keep the little band of worried humans as positive as he can.. in his own way.  
"There's nothing we can do about it anyway. Be walking around these woods chasin' echos."   
"So what'll we do?"  
"Same as we've been. Beat the bush for Sophia and work our way back up to the highway."  
Andrea looks at Lori. "Sure they'll hook up with us back up at the R.V.."  
Lori hesitates as she looks at the ground before slowly glancing behind her.  
  
Daryl is sure that Rick and Shane would be fine, even if something inside of him continues niggling at his instincts. Nonetheless, they have to keep going to get Sophia especially if the other men don't find her.  
He looks back when he hears Andrea talking to Carol and empathising with her situation. Carol turns to look at Glenn, Lori and Daryl.  
"The thought of her out here, by herself.. it's killing me. I just keep hopin' and prayin' she doesn't wind up like Amy.. "  
Daryl stares at the two women as Carol realises what she just said. Andrea tries her best to dismiss Carol's words even though the pain is obvious on her face, especially in her eyes.   
"We're all hoping and praying for you, for all that it's worth." Andrea manages to say evenly.  
Hoping? Praying? Daryl knows that neither do anything.  
"I'll tell you what it's worth.." He interrupts the women, moving closer to them. "Not a damn thing. It's a waste of time all this hopin' and prayin'." He looks in between the two confused women. He stares at Carol. "We're gonna locate that little girl, she's gonna be just  _fine_."   
Daryl steps back, glancing at the two women. "Am I the only one zen around here? Good Lord." He turns back to continue on the path.   
Daryl's unconventional optimism in finding Sophia puts a smile on Lori's face.  
  
As the group slowly moves back to the highway and abandon their search for Sophia today, Lori's words start bouncing around in Daryl's brain. It did come from the direction they had parted with Rick. Even if he went searching right now, the others wouldn't be able to find their way back, and they're split enough as it is.   
If he were the hoping kind, he would hope Rick and Carl..  _maybe_  Shane too, were fine.

His thoughts are cut short by a blood-curdling scream.  
  
He looks back and notices Andrea's gone. They all start calling her name before Daryl starts running towards the screams. Daryl thinks he can see Andrea through the trees.

As they runs towards Andrea they hear a horse galloping, the sound like roaring thunder. A young female rider hits the walker as she goes past Andrea.  
"Lori? Lori Grimes?" She asks Andrea.  
The group run over to Andrea, Lori staring at the unknown woman.  
"I'm Lori."  
"Rick sent me. You gotta come now."  
Lori stares at the young woman with confusion.  
"..What?"  
"There's been an accident, Carl's been shot."  
Breathing heavily, Daryl stares at the woman, a twinge growing in his chest. 

The gunshot. It was Carl. It was Carl being shot.

"Rick needs you, just come!"  
Lori doesn't anymore waste time and takes her bag off, while Daryl tries to block her.  
"Woah, woah woah! We don't know this girl! You can't get on that horse!"  
His words fall on deaf ears as the woman helps Lori on before looking at Daryl.  
"Rick said you had others on the highway? That big traffic snarl? "Backtrack to Fairburn Road. Two miles down is our farm. You'll see the mailbox. The name is Greene."  
With that the woman and Lori were galloping back into the woods,  
Daryl watching the horse until it disappears into the trees. What just happened?  
Suddenly the walker sits up.  
"Shut up." With that Daryl shoots the walker dead.  
  


The walk back to the highway becomes more desperate. Everyone stays silent and walks closer to Daryl in an encouragement to quickly get back. Daryl doesn't like these little groups they have and now they have one child missing and the other possibly dying.  
He knows from experience how both children feel, the only difference is that Carl and Sophia have people who care.  
  
When they arrive back at the road they tell a worried Dale and try to figure out the best way to look for Sophia, keep Carol calm as well as get T-Dog some help and reunite with everyone again. To Daryl it seems better to leave supplies for Sophia along with a message while they go to a more secure location and meet up with Rick.

  
Somewhere in his mind he wonders how Rick is coping right now.

  
As Dale tells them about T-Dog's declining health; a worsening blood infection, Daryl remembers something. He turns and goes to the bike, pulling out a full bag of medications.  
"Why'd wait until now to say anything? My brother's stash.." He searches through the illegal drugs before finding what he was looking for. "Some kickass painkillers." He throws them to Glenn. "Doxycycline, not the generic stuff neither, it's first class." He throws them to Dale. "Merle got the clap on occasion."  
Dale smiles in relief, while Carol gives a look of horror at the information she would have better been off not hearing.

  
The group are quiet for the better part of the evening, having decided to stay the night in the R.V. before meeting up with Rick and Lori. Daryl lays on the floor, his mind full of thoughts about Carl and Sophia before his attention turns to the sounds around him; Andrea tending to the guns, Carol on the bed, looking out the small window and weeping.

He slowly stands and slings his crossbow over his body, looking at Andrea in the dark.  
"I need my clip now."  
She looks up at him and hands Daryl the clip.  
"I'm gonna walk the road now.. for the girl."  
Daryl looks over his shoulder at Carol, who turns and wipes her eye, her tears subsiding. He gives her a curt nod before leaving.  
  
He steps outside and turns on his flashlight, the moon being the only other source of light as it bounces off the sea of cars around him.  
"I'm coming too."  
He turns slightly and sees Andrea, gun in hand, following after him.

Their trek back into the woods is a silent one. Neither have really talked to the other, and the only thing they have in common is that they've both most likely lost their sibling. Daryl would rather be alone doing this, but he knows that feeling like a sitting duck starts driving you mad.  
"Do you really think we're going to find Sophia?"   
Daryl flashes his light at her face.  
"You got the same look on your face as everyone else." His voice is husky compared to her soft tone. "The hell's wrong with you people? We've just started looking-"  
"Do you?" She interrupts, now staring at him.  
"It's not the mountains of Tibet; it's Georgia. She's probably holed up in a farmhouse somewhere. People get lost 'n survive, happens all the time."  
"She's only twelve."  
"Hell, I was younger than her when I got lost. Nine days in the woods eatin' berries and wipin' my ass with poison oak."   
Andrea stares at him. "They found you?"   
"My old man was off on a bender with some waitress, Merle was doing another stint in juvie, didn't even know I was gone." Daryl looks back at her. "I made my way back though; straight into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. No worse for wear, 'cept my ass itched something awful.."  
Andrea snorts, looking at the set of eyes staring back at her.  
"Sorry.. I'm sorry that's a terrible story." She laughs. A smile creeps onto his face and he ducks his head, finding the amusement in the story a bit now as well.  
"The difference is Sophia's got people lookin' for her, I call that an advantage."  
  
They spend an hour out in the woods before heading back. No Sophia. Again.  
The floor of the R.V. isn't the worst place Daryl has had to sleep, but the disappointment in not finding Sophia, the uncertainty of Carl and unable to do anything about both of those things made Daryl sleepless more than usual. They weren't far from Rick and his family, yet they had to wait for sunlight to start moving again. It was eating at him, feeding on all the aches and pains he felt that seem to hurt more than usual right now.  
He stares at the dark ceiling above him, subconsciously chewing on his lip until he tastes blood.  
Would a good man dismiss Rick's actions in the past for what he's going through now? For the man he seems to be now?  
All the questions in his head did sickening things to his stomach. He didn't know whether to trust it or his head.  
No, he couldn't hold Carl's position over the man's head, Daryl was stubborn but not an asshole. Maybe they still had things to work out or mend but it isn't the kid's fault.

 

 

Daryl wasn't getting any sleep tonight.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeees, back in better Rickyl territory ;) Can't you just FEEL the love that Daryl has for Shane?


	10. Where Oh Where Have You Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group reunite at Hershel Greene's farm..

[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

 

"They're here."  
Rick looks up from his chair beside Carl, listening to the continuous revving of a motorbike before it comes to a stop. He stands up quickly and Lori takes his hand, stepping out and onto the front porch.

His eyes immediately landed on Daryl as the man steps off the bike. He takes in a deep breath and sighed. This reunion is much better than their last one.   
Lori and Rick move down the stairs, Rick scanning to make sure everyone was accounted for - and everyone is - except for Sophia. Nonetheless he felt good; better than he has in days, maybe even weeks.  
He's happy to tell them Carl's pulling through thanks to Hershel and his family, as well as Shane for venturing out to get supplies. Sadly though, the mission took Otis, the man who accidentally shot Carl.

 

After the small reunion everyone walks inside while Rick decides to stay behind as Daryl takes some of his supplies off the bike. He moves over, staring over at the window to the room Carl was in.  
"I'm sorry I wasn't there to help with more of the search."  
Daryl looks up briefly, squinting through the sunshine. "Don't be. Your son just got shot, there's no where else you needed to be." He pulled his bag off then straightened, analysing Rick's face.  
"You look like shit."  
He felt like it too. Rick let out a small laugh. "Thanks."  
"They feedin' ya or somethin' here? They got cattle and shit."  
It took Rick a moment to realise he most likely looks pale still, dark circles have settled under his eyes. "Carl needed my blood, quite a bit of it too. Still tryin' to get some of the energy back."  
Daryl stares at Rick before nodding slightly. "Good to know he's doin' okay."  
Rick smiles slightly. "Thank you." He looks at Daryl's bag. "Leave that for now. Come in and meet everyone, get somethin' to drink and eat."

  
After a feed followed by a small memorial for Otis, some of the group - with the help of Hershel and his daughter, the mysterious horse-rider named Maggie- start their search for Sophie. With a detailed map of the area they're almost ready for today's search, however Hershel informs them that with Rick still being weak and Shane's injured ankle from the medical supply run that it might not be best. Rick decides that they will wait another day to do a proper, better-manned search.  
Hershel also advises them about their weapons, telling them more than asking them that he would rather they not be on his property. However they come to a deal that one gun will be kept within the group for target practice to keep everyone sharp.  
The conversation turns to one that no one has brought up and doesn't want to; if they find Sophia and she's bitten what the course of action is.  
Even though Rick doesn't want to say it, he must.  
"You do what has to be done."  
They all silently hope it doesn't come to that.  
  
The day goes on, the sun setting low above the trees in the distance, casting an amber glow over the field and barn. To Rick the view looks eerily similar to the property him and Daryl would meet up in when they were younger. He didn't know how to feel at that. It seems like only yesterday, yet somehow a hundred years ago at the same time.  
His eyes drop to his police hat in his hands, eyeing all the little scratches on the badge, the dirt and blood lightly stained in the material.   
He was unsure if things had changed for the better.  
The sound of stones crunching underneath boots pulled Rick out of his thoughts and over to the source of the sound. Daryl, with his crossbow slung over his shoulder, was walking out to start the search for Sophia.  
  
"Daryl.." Rick stands up, taking a few steps over. "You okay on your own?"  
"Better on my own. " The man starts walking off again. "Don't worry I'll be back before dark."  
"Hey!" Rick yells out at him, and Daryl turns around with his usual intensity burning in light-blue eyes. Rick takes a few more steps in his direction.  
"We got a base.. we can get this searched properly organised now."  
Daryl searches Rick's face, taking a step towards him. "You gotta  _point,_ or just chattin _'._ "  
"My point .. it let's you off the hook.." Rick hopes he won't go. If something happens to him while he's alone out there..  
"You don't owe us anything.."  
Daryl turns and starts walking again. "Well, my other plans fell through."

 

What Rick didn't know was the Greene's property was reminding Daryl of the past too.  
 

Night falls over the farm and the group start a fire near Dale's van. Although silent discord still hangs in the air between the Greene family and the group with each staying in their own areas, Rick manages to get Hershel to consider his offer of staying on their farm. He knows it's a big ask of the family that have stayed to themselves while all of this has happened, but his people - Carl the most important of all - need something stable, something quiet.   
Rick stays at Carl's bedside as familiar footsteps walk up the front steps of the house and scuff inside. Rick looks up to the door and sees Daryl leaning heavily on the doorframe. He doesn't have to ask the other man if Sophia has been found, Daryl's face says it all.

Daryl peers over at the young boy whose eyes are closed, his face peaceful.  
"How's he goin'."  
Rick nods, reaching over to gently stroke Carl's arm. "Every hour he's looking better and better." He manages a small smile as he leans over and plants a small kiss on Carl's head before slowly standing, quietly moving over to Daryl.  
Both men were dirty and weary, their bodies nothing like they were when they were teenagers. The smart and observational misfit worn down by his past experiences but was now thriving. The 'Golden Boy', though, he felt like he was always one second away from drowning.  
They both stood silently, sharing similar thoughts before Daryl shifted, bringing them both back to the present.  
"I asked Hershel if we could all stay here.."  
"Yeah?" Daryl folded his arms in front of him.   
"He's thinking about it." Rick quickly looks over at Carl, missing Daryl's brows furrowing.  
"'Thinkin'' about what? He can't just turn us-"  
"It's still his land, his rules." Rick turns his head to gaze at Daryl again. "If he doesn't trust all of us and if we don't abide by his rules, he has every reason to throw us out."  
 _All_  of us. Daryl pursed his lips. Deep down he knew that was fair enough, that he would want the same if this were his land.  
The men looked up as Shane walked past, both him and Rick sharing a nod as he walks out to join the group out in the yard.  
Daryl glares at the front door before looking at Rick. For the first time since he saw Rick through those bushes outside their former camp, Daryl isn't sure how he should tell Rick his suspicions about Shane, if he should tell him  _anything_. Daryl knows Shane killed Otis, and he certainly knows him and Lori were sleeping together, but all his 'knowing' won't mean anything without proof, not to Rick.   
"This world ain't the same, we've all changed." Daryl waits for Rick to look at him before continuing. "You keep both eyes on Shane."  
Rick frowns as he watches Daryl head for the front door before stopping and looking at him over his shoulder. "Hunting intuition."

  
  
Rick watches as Daryl leaves to head to the van, something foreign now stirring in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello bbs! YES THE FUN SHALL BEGIIIIIN! This chapter was so late and short because of the thunderstorms and pissing down rain here, so I'm using the shoddy internet connection to post longer chapters and I wanted to get this one out before I lost power again.
> 
> Also because of my computer/connection, I haven't been able to make some cover art for the 'soundtrack' on 8tracks, so if you would like to make one for me, I would love you! Of course you will get credit everywhere it's up, the only guideline is that 8tracks need cover art to be at least 500px square.
> 
> Other than that the next few chapters might take a bit but I hope to have something great now that we're heading into.. well if you've watched the show, you know where we're going, for the ones that are using this as a companion piece as they watch TWD for the first time, have fun ;)


	11. Falling Down The Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise, tensions subside.

[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

Thump. Thump.

 

 

The next day starts with focus and action. The members of the group that are able to search are allocated an area; with Rick and Shane together looking in a flat area of the woods, T-Dog and Andrea taking one of Hershel's indirect family, Jimmy, with them while Daryl decides to take a horse and head to the higher land in the woods.   
Rick is used to using his gut instinct when he was a cop since that's all he had in some circumstances - not something he used that much anymore - but something isn't sitting right with him. He silently mulled over what it could be as he ventured into the woods with Shane, wondering if it was because Daryl didn't have backup, or that he was leaving Carl and Lori, or perhaps it was what Daryl had said to him the night before.  
' _You keep both eyes on Shane_..' 

Shane was unlike himself most days, but neither was Rick. A healthy disagreement wasn't foreign between the two men - hell, they were work partners - yet they seemed to be at odds with every important decision, even down to their opinions of Daryl.  
It didn't change how Rick felt about Shane though. He could trust him with his and his family's life like he had countless times, he was still Rick's brother and loved him dearly.

Yet Daryl's words still rang in his ears.

Rick searched around as Shane hammers pieces of red cloth into the trees every few meters, neither man talk until Rick realises he will have to pull a conversation out of him. He keeps it light with ask him about his high school 'conquests', and for a while Shane plays along. The men laugh as they continue trekking through the thick brush, even as they talk about Rick's own very short love life compared to Shane's.   
There was a time when they were teenagers that Rick was going to confess to Shane why he suddenly wasn't around and why his interest in Lori or any of the girls had waned. There was always that dream that maybe everyone would get along fine, but it wasn't just him he had to think about. Daryl liked his privacy, even before Rick came along. If Merle or his father had found out he was spending his time with Rick, let alone romantically together with the cop's kid then he might as well be dead.  
Keeping their relationship a secret did make some things tricky, but in hindsight Rick was glad their relationship was only theirs to know. He wasn't even sure Shane would have let Daryl stay with the group in Atlanta if Shane knew of Daryl.

Their lighthearted conversation tapered of, and Rick knew something was on Shane's mind.  
"We shouldn't be talkin' about this stuff." He says as he moves up to Rick's side. "That life, it's gone.. everyone in it. It's like we're old folk, people in our stories are all dead."  
Rick watches Shane. "We can't just forget them."  
He scoffs. "Yeah we can."  
Rick slows down as Shane moves ahead a few paces.   
"I tell you what it is; a nostalgia. It's like a drug, keeps you from seein' things the way they are. It's a danger, you got people dependin' on you-"  
"You don't think I know that?" Rick frowns. His words make Shane turn around.  
"I don't know." Shane shrugs. "What are we doin'? Got every able body out scouring these woods for a little girl we both know is most likely dead."  
To hear Shane's cut-throat words shock Rick. "You think we should abandon the search?"  
Shane shakes his head before looking around. "That's not my call now, is it."  
Rick watches Shane walk off again. "I'm asking." Shane doesn't respond, so he presses again.  
"Survival, Rick. It means makin' hard decisions; you got this knack, man, you spread us thinner and thinner! Tryin' to save lives here and your out saving cats in trees."  
Rick eyes Shane, suddenly moving in front of him. "Is that what you think Sophia is? A cat in a tree?"  
Shane shakes his head as he looks at Rick. "Don't do that, man, don't twist my words."  
Rick stares at Shane incredulously as the man reminds him of how long a missing child search was when they were officers compared to the world they now live in.  
"I mean, you honestly think we're just going to find Sophia  _alive_?"  
"Are you that sure that we won't?"  
Shane pauses as he looks at his friend. "What, being completely honest?"  
"Yeah I'm counting on you to be." Rick insisted.  
Shane sighs and glances around before looking at Rick again. "It's mad, man. Alive or not, she only matters to the degree in which she don't drag the rest of us down."  
Rick can only stare at the man, the..  _stranger_  in front of him.  
"Thought you wanted honesty."  
Rick studies Shane as he takes a few steps forward before stopping, still reeling from Shane's words.  
Shane begins breathing heavily, hitting a dead branch. "If we just moved on, man, we would have been halfway to Fort Benning right now. Carl wouldn't have got shot! And you said so yourself 'when we're out here, we're riskin' lives'! Your own son almost died, man! Otis he paid that- what the hell we still doin-"  
Rick quick moves towards Shane. "I had her in my hands, Shane! She looked in my eyes and trusted me, I- I failed her. If I hadn't she wouldn't be out here!" He suddenly retorts. " _I_  think she's still alive and I'm not gonna write her off."  
Rick glares at the other man as he wipes the sweat from his lip and looks around. Shane let's out a half-hearted laugh as he stares at a tree nearby. Rick follows his gaze and sees a blue cloth nailed to it.  
"Blue. Andrea and T-Dog. Looks like we've wandered into their grid." Shane eyes turn to Rick's before he continues walking. Rick looking back over to the cloth and sighs.  
  


 

Thump. Thump. Thump.

 

 

The men are silent and tense for the rest of the search and on their way back to their campout. With Shane's words still fresh in his mind Rick confides in Lori.   
"What if it was Carl? Would you want us to keep looking?"  
"If it was Carl, yes, I'd want to know one way or another." Lori immediately replies without a second thought.  
"Shane says my good intentions are making us  _weaker_.." Why is he holding onto the old way of doing things and the old way of thinking? Is he too soft for this? Will this 'softness' get them all killed?  
Lori grabs his face, her soft hands a comfort against his dirty, hot cheeks. He stares into her eyes as her encouraging words help settle his mind.  
"None of us were prepared to live our lives this way. You are making the best decisions you can with the information you have, I don't see soft in that."  
He gazes at her before noticing Hershel's youngest, Beth. Hershel wants to talk with him.  
"This day couldn't have anymore surprises", he murmurs.

 

 

Thump. Thump.

 

 

"Walker! Walker!"

Everyone hears Andrea's alarm calls from atop of the van. Rick rushes over, looking out to the field to where Andrea's eyes are fixed. He can't see anything from where they are, so Andrea looks through her binoculars. Only the one. She grabs the rifle.  
"I bet I can nail it from here."  
Rick pleads with her to not do anything and to put the gun down while the other men grab for weapons and start heading out, the pack lead by Shane.  
"You best let us handle this." He commands Andrea.  
Rick tries to halt him. "Shane, no! Hershel wants to deal with walkers."  
"What for, man? We got it covered."   
Rick curses and grabs his gun before heading out onto the field with them.   
The walker is limping slowly, even as they get closer to it. Rick outruns Shane and Glenn then stops a few feet from it. 

The walker stops too, and Rick's legs almost give way. He knows that dirty, bloody face.

It's Daryl.

Rick has his gun aimed at Daryl's head but his hand is trembling, his stomach in his throat.

 _No_.  _Please_.

Glenn asks if the walker is Daryl but Rick can't hear if there's a reply, his legs are heavy and hard to keep straight.

 

"Third time you've pointed that thing at my head." Daryl growls.

 

Rick sucks in a breath then sighs in relief. He drops his gun and smiles slightly.  
 _He's alive_. Daryl is fucking  _alive_.

 

A shot rings out, and Daryl collapses.

 

" _NO_!"

Rick screams and runs to Daryl, dropping to his side and grabbing at Daryl's arms. He doesn't see a wound on him but spots a fresh, hot graze above his temple. Rick makes to examine it as Daryl touches it before flopping his hand down to his side. With Shane's help Rick pulls Daryl to his feet.

"I was kidding." Daryl mumbles before falling unconscious.

The rest of the group and Hershel's family wait at the farm as Dale runs out to the men with a hysterical Andrea.  
"Oh my God!" Oh my God, is he dead?!" She yells to them.  
Rick pants as him and Shane drag Daryl back to the farm. He looks up at Andrea, seeing the guilt in her eyes.  
"Unconscious. You just grazed him."  
"Look at him! What the hell happened!" Glenn exclaims, pointing to Daryl's chest. "Look - he's wearing ears!"  
They look down and see the four, zombified ears on a cord around his neck. Rick is looking ahead and spots Hershel waiting for them back at the farm. He rips the necklace off and quickly shoves it in his shirt pocket.  
"Let's keep that to ourselves."  
"Guys.." T-Dog calls out behind them. "Isn't this Sophia's?"  
The man holds up a dirty, raggedy doll.

Sophia's.

 

There is a clamouring for Hershel's medical supplies and clean water once they get back to the farm. They lay Daryl down in one of the spare rooms and Hershel's family get straight to cleaning him up and tending to a serious wound to his side. Rick tries to stay and help but is forced out by Lori and Shane.  
He stays at the door silently, waiting for any news. Seconds feel like minutes. Minutes feel like hours.

  
He's glancing at his hands when Hershel finally opens the door and let's Rick know he's okay. Rick pleads to see Daryl for a moment and Hershel hesitantly grants it, motioning for his family leave while he finishes stitching Daryl's side.

With his heart thumping wildly in his chest, Rick enters the room, his eyes falling onto Daryl as he lays on his side, holding a gauze to his head. Slowly moving around the bed and sitting down on a chair, Rick's eyes trace Daryl's face. The man was still dirty and bloody, his eyes tired. Hershel excuses himself to get a better needle, leaving the two men alone.  
"You tough son of a.." Rick's voice trails off. He sighs softly but manages a small smile.  
"You damn right." He croaks, slowly looking up at Rick.  
"Did Hershel tell you what happened?" Daryl nods in reply. "Do you remember what happened out there? How you got.." He looks down at the wound Hershel is currently tending to.  
Daryl thinks silently for a few moments. "Mm.. accident.. with my own damn crossbow. After fallin' off the horse. Then I was crawling up this rockface and kept goddamn fallin' again.. but I finally made it." He sighs tiredly.  
"Sorry, didn't wanna ask so many questions.." Rick gazes at him. "You should rest."  
"Nah, might as well remember shit while it's fresh in my head.."  
Hershel comes back in, with Shane following. Daryl catches the tense stare Rick gives Shane as the other man sits down.  
Daryl tells them to pull out maps and shows them where he was when he found Sophia's doll, which cuts their searching grid in half. Despite whatever Shane might be thinking, Rick is happy at the news and leaves the talk of searching at that for now. The men let Hershel finish with Daryl and leave the room. Lori is there waiting in the hallway for news about Daryl.  
"He's okay." Rick gives her a kiss on the cheek.  
"I hate to say it but I agree with Hershel on this one; can't keep goin' out there, not after this." Shane says once he closes the door behind him. Rick turns and frowns, taking a few steps over to him to keep his voice low.  
"You'd quit now? Daryl just risked his  _life_  to bring back the first hard evidence we have."  
Shane looks away, his lips slightly curled upwards. "That's one way of lookin' at it. The way I see it is Daryl nearly died today for a  _doll_."  
"Yeah, I know how you see it." Rick tries not to sneer but it still comes out. He walks off, leaving Lori and Shane in the hallway.

 

Forks and knives clanging loudly against plates are the only sounds in the full dining room, the utensils could easily slice the tension. Rick and Shane eye each other every few moments but say nothing to each other. Glenn tries to lighten the mood with the suggestion of some music with a guitar Daryl had found once, but the atmosphere falls flat again at the mention of how Otis was a great guitar player.

 

Rick waits for Lori to settle in with Carl before going and seeing Daryl again. He sits in the quiet room as the other man sleeps, the bedside light showing the freshly tended-to wounds as well as old, deep and angry scars.

What kind of dreams does such a man have? Does his mind picture gentle trees swaying and a cool breeze hitting his face? Does it imagine smiling faces? Or does it only know pain and suffering?  
Rick suddenly remembers what Daryl had said to him at the CDC. He told Rick about how he had given him hope before ripping it away. The echo of those words hurt more than ever as he looked at the exhausted body at his side.  
This man almost died trying to find a little girl he barely knew while his best friend thought it was a lost cause that only slowed them down.  
' _This world ain't the same, we've all changed. You keep both eyes on Shane._ '  
  
It made sense now why Daryl had said that.

Rick's eyes flick up as Daryl twitches slightly as he sleeps. Temptation to cover Daryl's exposed arm and back washes over Rick, and he considers it for a moment, but he decides against it. He smiles though; Daryl seemed to have not slept in days, and his diagonal use of the bed with his legs spread out reminded Rick of the annoying way the same man slept as a teenager.  
Without much thought, Rick reached out and gently brushed hair away from the bandage over Daryl's forehead, making sure the gesture didn't startle the man awake. For the first time, Rick could see that Daryl - laying in this bed with head almost buried in the blanket - hadn't aged a day. He was still Daryl; stubborn, uniquely rebellious, beautiful Daryl.  
Rick smiled, ghosting his thumb over the damp skin above Daryl's brow before pulling his hand away and resting back in the chair.   
  
Rick woke himself up a little while later, his eyes trying to focus on the moving figure in front of him.  
"How long you been there?"  
Rick rubs his eyes and refocuses them, smiling slowly as Daryl squinted at him. Rick glances out the window. It's still dark.  
"Don't know.. must of fallen 'sleep."  
"Was almost tempted to throw a pillow at you, you were snoring your ass off."  
Rick chuckles at that as he stretches his neck. "Sorry.."  
"Nah.." Daryl watches Rick, only looking away when Rick looks up at him.  
"I should have been there for you.." Rick sighs, making Daryl look back over at him. ".. with you.."  
Daryl didn't have a reply. He wasn't sure if it's because of exhaustion or injury, but he didn't have a retort or anything to snap back at Rick.  
  


The room was quiet for long enough that when Rick glances over Daryl is asleep again. Rick's mind starts to wander to thoughts of their younger selves. Where they would have gone and where they would have been now, but he snuffs them out as quickly as he thinks about them.  
He stands and slowly adjusts the blanket over Daryl's shoulders, his hand staying there for a moment. Rick's eyes travel over Daryl's face as he tentatively leans down and closes his eyes.  
No.  
 _No_.  
He sighs quietly before brushing the stubborn hair off of Daryl's brow and straightening his body. He ducks his head as he moves around to the door, taking care to open it quietly with one hand and turning off the lamp with the other before leaving.

Daryl hears the door click shut and footsteps retreating before opening his eyes.


	12. All Lovers On The Dark Side

  


 

 

[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

Getting Daryl to rest is one of the hardest tasks Rick has ever had to do. Keeping Shane in line, pleading with Hershel over the group staying and trying to find Sophia seem like a breeze compared to almost restraining Daryl to the bed. It isn't a nightmare, though. For Rick it's the only place he'd rather be now that Carl is up and walking around. 

He didn't tell Daryl about the tensions rising in the group. Daryl didn't have to be around the group to sense what was happening though, but he never pressed for answers. 

That afternoon Daryl dragged himself out of the bed and went to their camp in front of Hershel's house. He was taken back by the small smiles and words of encouragement most of the group gave him - even Carl. Rick was less than enthused about seeing him up and moving, but with the help of T-Dog and Carol, they fixed him up a bed and brought over a pile of books to keep him occupied.

It was two days after Daryl's accident when Rick confided in him about Lori and Shane. After finding morning-after pills in the tent, Rick had found her out in the field. She had thrown them up, but it still upset him that she didn't tell him. They had fought over whether it was a good idea to bring a child into this unforgiving world; Rick wanting the child to have a chance while Lori was mortified by the idea of a child having to survive what they have to from it's very birth.  
Then she had confessed to sleeping with Shane, when they both thought he was dead and gone. As Rick told him this in an eerily calm tone, Daryl's heart started beating wildly in his chest as a strange feeling washed over his body.   
Guilt.  
"I sensed somethin' was goin' on.." He blurted out, making Rick look back over at him. "I didn't know for sure, so that's why I didn't say nothin."  
Rick gazed at him before nodding. "It's okay.." He smirks suddenly. "We weren't on the best of terms back at Atlanta anyway."  
Daryl scoffed before wincing, touching his side. Rick leaned over and pulled his hand away. Daryl watched Rick's eyes as the man double-checked the gauze.  
"It's fine, Rick.." He mumbled softly. Rick met his eyes before slowly leaning back. "'Member? Tough son of a bitch."  
  
By midday he forced himself to walk around, deciding to eat outside with the rest of the group. Scanning each of the members; how they looked at each other, how they ate their food, Daryl could see how every person felt. Carl was looking better and happily stayed closed to Rick and Lori, Carol looked calm but kept her eyes out to the nearby woods, Shane.. Shane was always standing, always close, his eyes burning into Lori's before he looked at Rick then Carl.

"Hey, guys..?"

Daryl glanced up at Glenn as the man stood in the middle of their camp, his hands fidgeting in his pockets.  
"So.. the barn's full of walkers."  
The group fell silent. It wasn't not far from Hershel's or indeed, their camp. Everyone put their plates down and scrambles over to the barn, Rick making sure Lori and Carl stay behind him while also keeping an eye on Daryl. They listen for any sounds as Shane steps closer to peek through the timber planks.  
They don't know how many are in there, but Rick hears the recognisable sound of shuffling and the sickening audible throaty gurgling of the animated beings inside. He looks over at Daryl who stares back at him, but is unable to read his eyes.  
Shane turns away from the barn and marches past Rick.  
"Don't tell me you're alright with this."  
"No I'm  _not_." He presses before speaking louder. "But we're guests here, this isn't our land-"  
Shane barks. "This is our lives, man!"  
"Lower your voices!" Glenn pleads softly.  
"We can't just sweep this under the rug." Andrea states.  
Rick stares at the doorway to the barn as Shane paces around. "We gotta go in there, we're gonna make things right, or we just gotta go." Shane looks at Rick. "We've been talking about Fort Benning for a long ti-"  
Rick growls at him. "We can't go?"  
"Why, Rick. Why?"  
"'Cause my daughter is still out there.." Carol speaks up behind Rick, staring at Shane.   
He shakes his head and huffs, taking a breath as he tries to prepare what he's going to say.   
"I think it's time we all start to just.. consider the other possibilities-"  
"Shane!" Rick interrupts him. "We're not leaving Sophia behind."  
Daryl steps in, walking up next to Rick. "We're close to finding this girl - I just found her damn doll a few days ago!"  
Shane suddenly laughs. "You found her doll, Daryl - that's what you did - you found a  _doll_."  
Daryl can't control his anger towards Shane any longer. "You don't know what the  _hell you're talkin' about_!"  
"I'm just sayin' what needs to be said!" Shane says in defence before his eyes narrow in on Daryl. "Let me tell you somethin' else, man! If she was alive out there and saw you comin', all meth'd out with your buck knife and ears 'round your neck, she run in the other direction!"  
A fight erupts between both men and Rick tries to keep space in between them with his own body, or at least with his arms. Lori, Glenn and Andrea try to pull either man away from each other as they fling fiery words back and forth. It isn't until Lori pulls Shane further enough away that they calm down.  
"Keep your hands off of me." Shane orders Lori before he starts walking off.  
"Just let me talk to Hershel! Let me figure it out."  
Shane whips his head around at Rick and he marches back over to his friend. " _What are you going to figure out_!"  
Lori leaps in front of Shane and holds him off. As Rick explains that if they have to kill the walkers in the barn he has to get Hershel to agree, Dale slowly moves up to Rick, his voice loud enough for everyone to hear.  
"Hershel sees those things in there as people. Sick  _people_! His wife, his step-son."  
Rick stares at Dale. "You knew?"  
"Found out yesterday, I talked to Hershel."  
Shane growls. "And you waited the night?  
"I thought we could survive one more night. We  _did_. I was waiting until this morning to say something but Glenn wanted to be the one."  
"The man's crazy, Rick!" Shane's voice booming. "If Hershel thinks those things are alive-"  
As the men raise their voices again the heavy wooden door to the barn starts moving back-and-forth, the walkers behind it attempting to break free.

 

Rick knew from Daryl's body language that he wanted to be left alone, so he decides to see Hershel. He finds the old man eating breakfast and reading Psalms quietly in the dining room.  
Rick tries, but the man's decisions don't sway; he is adamant about the group leaving. Rick tells him how different the world is beyond the farm, more than what was shown on TV. He pleads with Hershel to let them stay, that they could help secure the farm and thrive together, even going as far to tell him about Lori being pregnant, yet his pleas fall on deaf ears.   
As Rick leaves, Hershel's eyes fall on the figure staring at him from the other room. Maggie stares horrified at her father before turning and leaving.

 

Outside the barn, Shane is leaning against a rusted tractor. As Rick approaches him, he notices his friend's eyes are fixed on the now-quiet barn. He isn't sure how Shane will react to the news of their host's demand, seeing how riled up he's been for a while now.  
Rick leans against the tractor with him, sensing Shane's eyes on him.  
"What's it gonna be, man?" He asks softly. "Which way does this thing go?"  
Rick shakes his head. "I don't know yet."   
"What'd he say?"  
Rick glances at him. "We're negotiating."  
Shane chuckles under his breath. "Clock's tickin', Rick."  
"No, no, no it isn't, Shane. The barn's secure, we didn't even know about it 'til this morning."   
"Well, we know about it now. Right? We know that there's over a dozen walkers in there. We know they're a stones throw from our camp, Rick. Where we sleep! So.."  
Rick looks at Shane again as the man sighs and looks over his shoulder to their camp. "Look if we're not gonna go in there and clear it out -"  
"We're not gonna go and clear it out, and we're not going to go." Rick presses.  
"We just need our guns, man-"  
"We can't have them! Not here."  
Shane opens his mouth to say something but stops and smiles, shaking his head.   
"Why you wanna stay here, Rick?"  
The men go back and forth, Shane getting irritated until Rick snaps, confessing that Lori is pregnant. Shane stares at him before looking away, his mouth open slightly.  
Rick moves closer to him, his voice low. "We need to  _stay_."   
His eyes are hard on Shane's. He is sure they will work this situation out.  
Rick slowly walks away, turning his head to the side to look back at Shane.   
"You good?"  
Shane rubs his cheek, looking around. "Yeah." Suddenly the man's eyes soften and his lips curl into a slight smile. "Lori's having a baby, man." His smile disappears as quickly as it appeared. "Congratulations."  
Rick nods and starts walking away again.  
"Thank you."

 

As he heads back to the house, Hershel asks Rick to come with himself and Jimmy into the forest. As they make their way out, Hershel tells Rick about his former neighbours. The trek out starts making sense to Rick as they approach two walkers stuck in the swamp.   
"How many have you killed?" Hershel asks as they follow Jimmy closer to the walkers.  
"Too many to count."  
Hershel turns around and looks at him dead in the eye. "Can you stop?"  
Rick looks at the snarling walkers then back at Hershel. It only makes sense now how right Dale was that morning. Hershel sees the people they were, but not what they are now.  
Hershel points to the walkers. "They're people out there who haven't been in their right minds. People who, I believe, can be restored."   
Jimmy him a rod, loosening the catching noose on the end.  
Rick frowns slightly. "You're not talking about the walkers, are you?"  
Hershel looks at him. "It doesn't matter if you see them as human beings anymore, but if you and your people are going to stay here that's how you're going to have to treat them."  
Rick doesn't see that boding over so well with the group, especially with Shane.  
"My farm, my barn, my say."  
Rick stares at the rod Hershel offers him, and he hesitantly accepts.

Neither man talk as they head back to the barn, only Jimmy the front in front of them to keep the walkers focussed on going towards him, their guttural snarls and putrid-smelling bodies still wrapped in the last clothes they wore as humans. Rick did understand how someone as sheltered from the world as Hershel could see them as merely 'sick' - and he himself could live with walkers close by and locked in - but he knows no one else will be with him on that. Not even Daryl. 

 

They come out of the clearing and he grips onto the rod to steady the walker forward, not far from the barn now. He glances towards Hershel's house as he hears yelling.   
Shane.   
They have been seen.  
The entire group, including Hershel's family, are running towards them, with Shane barking at them and Daryl and T-Dog followed closely behind. All the men are holding their guns.  
" _What the hell did you do?!_ " Shane screams at him.  
"Shane, just back off!" He yells back.  
Hershel, gripping the rod holding the other walker, looks around at the group. "We do your people have guns?"  
Shane circles around them, pointing to the walkers. "Are you kidding me!" His doesn't waver as he continues growing with barely controlled anger. "You see? You see what you're holding onto?"  
"I see  _who_  I'm holding onto!" Hershel bites back.  
"No you don't, man!"  
"Let me do this so we can talk!" Rick commands as Shane passes behind him.  
"What you wanna talk about Rick?" Shane eyes Hershel. "These things ain't sick! They're not people! _They're dead_! They ain't got to feel nothin' because all they do?  _THEY KILL_!" He looks at the others, pointing to the walkers as he passes them. "These things, right here! They're the things that killed Amy! They killed Otis! They're gonna kill all of us if we do nothin'!  
" _Shane, stop!_ " Rick yells at him.  
For a moment Rick thinks Shane might calm down, and he does. He paces around and lowers his voice to a speaking tone.   
"Hey, Hershel, man.. lemme as you somethin'. Would a living, breathing person, do they walk away from this."  
He pulls his gun out and shoots at the walker Hershel is restraining, putting three bullets into it's chest. Hershel stares at the former woman, blood draining from his face as his grip falters slightly.  
Rick yells at Shane to stop but he isn't listening.  
"For someone who's alive, could they just take that? Why is it still comin'!"  
He continues shooting the walker in the chest  
" _Shane, enough_!"  
"Yeah, you're right, man.." Shane marches up to the walker. "That is enough." He shoots it in the head as he walks past. Rick stares at Hershel as he falls to the ground, the other man's eyes welling with tears as they stay fixed on the dead body in front of him.

" _Enough_. Riskin' our lives for a little girl who's  _gone_!  _Enough_! Living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us -  _enough_! Rick, it ain't like it was before! If you wanna live - if you wanna survive - you gotta fight for it! I mean fight!  _Right here_! Right now.."

 

He runs up to the barn doors. Rick calls out to Hershel and begs for him to take the rod but the man is in a daze and doesn't reply. He yells, but nothing. He screams. Nothing. Some of the group call out to Shane, Lori yells for Rick. Shane starts attacking the locks on the door with a pickaxe and the sound of the walkers inside start growing louder. Rick screams for Shane to stop.  
Shane steps back towards the group and aims his gun as the walkers break through.   
As they pour out of the barn, he starts shooting them one-by-one. Andrea, T-Dog, Daryl and Glenn walk up to form a line protecting everyone and start shooting. Lori pulls Carl behind her while Maggie holds onto her weeping father. Shane turns around and stares at Rick. His eyes are different. Rick doesn't know those eyes staring back at him. Shane aims his gun and shoots the walker Rick is still holding onto.  
The bodies fall a few steps from the barn entrance, none getting too close to the group. Rick steps back close to his family as the sounds of bullets ripping through the the gun barrels deafens him, while the growling starts pattering off until there's silence. Rick can only hear the ringing in his ears.  
This wasn't the right way of doing this. To Rick, this shouldn't have gone down this way. When Shane looks back to him, his eyes are so dark they rattle Rick to his core.  
Suddenly he hears a sound.  _Snarling_. He looks up at the barn doors as he listens to the small movement of feet. A little, dirty figure stumbles out, raising it's head to look at the strangers in front of it. Rick's knees almost give way.

 

 

It's Sophia.

 

  
  
The face of the young girl is now ashen, eyes sunken in and colourless. A deep wound covers almost all of her shoulder as her shirt collar hangs off of it; the bright blue, rainbow-emblazoned shirt now splattered with blood.

Carol runs towards her but Daryl grabs her and pulls her down. She tries to crawl out of his arms but he holds onto her tightly.  
  
Little girl stumbles over the bodies to the group. No one moves, not even to raise their gun. She's baring her teeth and growling at them, but still, no one moves. Rick's breath is shaky, his body trembling as his stomach twists around into knots. Carl sobs as Lori tells him to close his eyes.   
Rick realises he has to do this. It's his fault and he has to finish this. He starts moving forward, his feet heavy. He stands in front of the group and pulls his gun out, aiming it at the figure moving closer towards him. Even though his arm feels full of weight he keeps it raised, his gun aiming at Sophia's head as his mind flashes the little girl she was, then back to the walker in front of him now.  
  
He takes in a deep breath before squeezing the trigger. Her little body falls to the ground as her mother's cries echo out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes S2 is coming to an end so I can focus on man loveeeeee! I hope the next half of this season has loads of Rickyl s2g


	13. Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell

  
[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

 

An eerie silence settles over the farm as Carol runs off towards the house, Daryl following her.

Maggie's step-sister, Beth, sobs as she nears one of the walkers; a female. As she turns her over the walker opens it's eyes and grabs at her, it's foul teeth snapping at her as it hungers for her flesh. The teenager screams as the others try to pry them apart, with T-Dog stomping on the walker to no avail. Andrea grabs a long-rodded sickle and swings it down, spearing it through the head and killing it.

  
Hershel holds his daughter as his family and him start heading back to the house, leaving the group with the corpses.  
Rick - still dazed from Shane's cutthroat decisions and the discovery of Sophia in the barn - quietly follows the family. Shane doesn't waste any time hounding the shaken family about their knowledge of Sophia.   
"You knew, and you kept it from us." Shane insists.  
"I didn't know!" The old man laments, informing them that it was Otis who usually put the walkers in the barn.  
"You expect me to believe that?"  
"I don't care what you believe!" Hershel retorts.  
Rick asks the men to calm down but Hershel yells at Shane to leave his land. As Shane moves closer to Hershel, Maggie steps in front of her father and slaps Shane.  
"Don't you dare touch him!" She glares at Shane as the man steps back. "Haven't you done enough?"  
The family retreat into the house. Hershel turns back and looks at Shane and Rick.  
"I mean it. Off my land."  
  
The men are left outside by themselves. As Rick looks at his friend, he isn't sure how to feel towards him. Embarrassed sounds too light, ashamed doesn't sound right either.  
"What are you doing?"  
Shane turns towards Rick, his voice low. "Daryl almost died lookin' for her, Rick. Any one of us could have, and let me tell you right now, that son of a bitch.. he knew."  
Rick frowns and shakes his head, surprised Shane believes that Hershel is that cruel. "No, he's not like that! He opened his home to us!"  
"He put us all in danger, he kept a barn full of walkers!"  
"So you just start in that direction, hand out guns and massacre his family?"  
"His family's  _dead_ , Rick."  
"Well he doesn't believe that. He believes you just murdered them in cold blood-"   
"I don't care what he thinks!"   
They start raising their voices over each other.  
"You had us, out in those woods, lookin' for a little girl that every single one of us knew was dead! That's what  _you_  did. You're just as delusional as that guy.."

Daryl stays close to the tree next to the van. He watches the men as they argue, his heartbeat growing louder in his chest that he can hear the blood pumping in his ears. His glare is straight at Shane. If there's a bigger threat to Rick than walkers, it's his..  _friend_.  
If looks could kill, Daryl wishes he could set Shane alight.  
Daryl was never good with words, or expressing himself in the right way, so when Shane walks off and leaves Rick standing there he disappears behind the tree and goes into the van to watch over Carol.  
The woman, too numb and believing that Sophia died a long time back, doesn't come to the service they hold for Sophia and Hershel's family. They burn the other bodies, only burying their loved ones. Rick holds hands with Carl and Lori as he stares at the ground that now holds Sophia. He glances over at Daryl every few moments, but the other man just stares ahead, his eyes fixed on the fresh graves.   
As the memorial finishes they all disband and Rick tries to move towards Daryl but Carl is clutching his hand, and the other man is gone before he realises it.  
  
Rick stays with Carl. He has never taken what he had for granted, and now with Sophia gone it seems so much stronger. Yet every day they live he feels his son growing older long before he should, and he swears he can see it in his face - much like himself. Before Sophia, the closest Carl had come to death of a loved ones were his grandparents, but having his best friend return as a being that isn't her, then his own father having to kill her in front of him, Rick wondered what kind of scar that would leave on Carl's psyche.  
He also wondered if Carl would see that Rick had no other choice.

As he sits with his son, Lori comes and tells him Hershel's missing. Rick leaves Carl in Dale's sight as he heads into the house and looks around. With the help of Maggie they quickly figure out there's only one place he could be, the bar in town.  
With Glenn's help - and a lot of apprehension from Shane and Lori - Rick takes a car and heads into town.

  
  
They realise quickly that Beth is in a catatonic state and Hershel for his daughter. Lori leaves, deciding that the best person to bring them back would be Daryl. She searches the perimeter of the house and barn, then the van. She double-checks everywhere but there's no sign of Daryl, and no one has seen him.  
She ventures a bit further into the field and eventually finds him close to the treeline, sharpening makeshift arrows.  
"Moving out to the suburbs?" She smiles slightly. The man doesn't look up.  
"Look, Beth's in some kind of catatonic shock, we need Hershel."  
He mumbles a 'yeah' underneath his breath as he continues concentrating on his knife.  
"So what?"  
Lori kneels down close to him. "So I need you to run into town real quick to bring him and Rick back."  
Daryl stays silent. He isn't surprised to find out Rick has gone to find Hershel. He feels his lip twitch.  
"Daryl?"  
He looks at Lori. "Your bitch went window shopping. You want him? Fetch him yourself. I got better things to do."  
Lori stares at him, surprised. "What's the matter with you? Why would you be so selfish?"  
" _Selfish_?" He jumps to his feet, narrowing his eyes. "Listen to me, Olive Oyl, I was out there lookin' for that girl  _every single day_! I took a bullet and an arrow in the process - don't you tell me about getting my hands dirty!"  
Lori stares at him, her eyes never faltering.  
"You want those two idiots? Have a nice ride." He frowns as he sits back down. "I'm done lookin' for people."

Darkness creeps over the sky and settles in. Daryl stays outside with his own tent and fire while the others stay inside. He chews on a squirrel and rebuffs Carol not once, but twice, and doesn't want to help anyone anymore. Why should he?  
He looks from the fire up to the sky, his eyes taking a few seconds to adjust before stars start shining through.  
Lori had asked him to retrieve Rick, and he didn't. Now, Lori, Rick, Glenn and Hershel were out there, long after they should be. Carol had asked him why he didn't tell them about Lori, but then he sent her away again.  
Shane didn't ask Daryl for help finding Lori, and Daryl didn't offer. Yet that unwelcome feeling of guilt was sinking back in and crawling under his skin, starting to play with his mind.   
It felt like hours passed until a car came speeding into the farm. It was Shane with Lori.  
Rick didn't come back that night.

 

Daryl slept near the fire, his eyes only starting to close as the fire died out. He woke up with a sore neck a few hours later, with a foul taste in his mouth and his side aching. He cooked another squirrel before going around the side of the house and rinsing his hands and face off. Soon afterwards everyone started waking up and a team came together to go find Rick, Glenn and Hershel. This was the only time Daryl felt like Shane and him could work together, so they kept out of each other's way as they assembled a car and loaded their weapons.  
Just as they were ready to head out they could hear something come up the road. Daryl watches as the truck passes them and parks in front of the house, everyone running towards it. He damns himself for smirking at Rick, the stupid idiot. Of  _course_  he's fine.  _The idiot_.  
Rick looks no worse for wear besides fresh graze marks on his hands and his clothes half drenched in his sweat. Carl immediately wraps his little arms around Rick before Lori does the same. Daryl ducks his head when Rick worriedly asks Lori about the cuts to her face, but Lori's reason is cut short when T-Dog motions to the person in the back of the car.

"It's Randall."  
  
Daryl squints as he peers into the back seat. The young man is blindfolded and unconscious, and as Daryl opens the car door slowly and quietly, he can see why this kid is here.

Rick was ready for a tense discussion, and as everyone crowds into the dining room, he assures them that once the boy is healed, he will be gone.  
"We couldn't just leave him behind. He would have bled out.. if he lived that long."  
"It's kinda bad in town.." Glenn's voice was a barely audible.  
Rick turns as he hears Hershel come out, wiping the blood from his hands.  
"I repaired his calf muscle as best as I can but he'll probably have nerve damage. He won't be on his feet for at least a week."  
When he is, we give him a canteen, take him out to the main road and send him on his way."  
"Isn't that the same as leaving him for the walkers?" Andrea frowns.  
The front door opens and Daryl slips in, giving a small nod to Carol who smiles, pleased that he's deciding to join the group again - especially right now.  
"You just gonna let him go?" Shane eyes Rick. "He knows where we are."  
"He was blindfolded the whole way here, he's not a threat." Rick retorts, staring back at his friend.  
"Not a threat? How many of them were there? You killed three of their men took one of 'em hostage but they just ain't gonna come looking-"  
"They left him for dead, no one is looking!"  
T-Dog intervenes before the debate becomes too heated. "We could still post a guard."  
"He's out cold right now." Hershel informs them. "Will be for hours."  
"You know what? I'm going to get him some flowers and candy." Shane ends the discussion before exiting the room. "Look at this, folks, we're back in fancyland!"  
Hershel moves towards him. "You know, we haven't even dealt with what you did in my barn yet." Shane turns and slowly approaches him. "Let me make this perfectly clear once and for all, this is  _my farm_. I wanted you gone, Rick talked me out of it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So how 'bout you do us both a favour.. keep your mouth  _shut_."  
Shane looks behind Hershel at the group watching the both of them, no one uttering a word. Rick can see that look in Shane's eyes; the look he doesn't recognise. The man takes a few steps back then turns around, stomping out the door.

 

Although he felt better about saving a young man's life, Rick still felt dirty. Lori and him head back out to their tent with a bucket of water and a wash cloth, and as he looks at it, he knows the 'dirty' feeling can't be washed off the body. The couple help each other change out of their bloody and sweaty clothes, both grunting and smiling as they peel off each other's shirts.  
"Like a bunch of old people." Rick smiles.  
Lori smiles slightly before it fades. "We need to talk about Shane."  
Rick sighs. "What's he done now?"  
Lori hesitates, turning her head to the side slightly to gauge Rick's reaction out of the corner of her eye. "He thinks the baby's his.."  
Rick slowly looks up at her.  
"No matter what, it's yours." She stares at Rick with certainty in her eyes.  
Rick stays silent as he takes his shoes off before stopping.  
"He'll accept that."  
"You're gonna have to make him.." Lori turns back around, putting a clean top on. "He won't listen to me. He's delusional, he's dangerous. When I went out lookin' for you? He came after me."  
Rick's lip twitches. "Of course he did."  
"He lied to me to get me back here. Said you were already back." She says matter-of-factly.  
Rick smiles slightly, not really seeing the issue there, but Lori continues.  
"You saw what he did at the barn. He's threatened Dale! And Hershel, he's scarin' people and he's scarin' me."  
As Rick watches her he sees it in her eyes. His wife is scared of his best friend.  
".. And I think he killed Otis.." Lori manages to say, almost shocked at her own words. "I think he left him behind and I think.. I think he did it not just to save Carl because he loves me-"  
"But you don't know that."   
Lori continues, her face turned away from Rick's. "And he thinks that we're supposed to be together, no matter what.."  
Rick sits there, watching Lori before staring outside, his mind for the moment completely empty. He feels like the wind is knocked out of him. He tries to find a reasoning in what Lori just shared with him, he tries so hard to figure it out in his head.  
"Those gunmen left that kid behind today. I killed ..two people myself because of you.. Carl, and the baby.. it was going to be me, or them, no matter what.."  
Lori moves behind Rick, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder for a moment before looking at him.  
"You killed the living to protect what's yours?"  
Rick thinks about that, then nods and looks over his shoulder fleetingly. "That's right."  
"He thinks I'm his." She whispers, her eyes still on him. "He thinks the baby's  _his_."  
Rick swallows at the lump building in his throat, his blood pressure rising.  
"And he says you can't protect us, that you're gonna get us killed."  
His lip twitches, knuckles white.  
"He's dangerous, Rick, and he won't stop."  

  
  
"I killed them.."   
Rick nods as he studies his hands. "He was goin' for his gun and I just drew quicker. Then I turned around and shot his friend in the chest, then the head." His brows furrow, his throat tensing up slowly. He remembered aiming his gun at Daryl back at the camp in Atlanta, he remembers the words he uttered.  
' _We don't kill the living_.'  
"I shouldn't have done what I did."  
"Screw that.."  
Rick looks up at Daryl, perplexed. Daryl fiddles with the arrow in his hand as he raises his eyes to Rick.   
"You did what was right. They would of picked off all three of you. Like you said, he drew too.."  
Rick's eyes softened in the moonlight.  
"You ain't Shane, Rick."  
The sound of Shane's name makes Rick's jaw clench. Something must have changed in his eyes because Daryl did his uncomfortable shifting.  
"He told Lori he thinks I can't protect her or Carl, that I'm gonna get them killed." His nostrils flare, but he tries to keep his voice calm. "He believes the baby is his and will do anything to make my family  _his_.  
Daryl slowly lookes at Rick. The man was teetering somewhere dangerous in his mind; on a thin line believing Shane is who he used to be and what he knows Shane is now. When Rick notices the silence and looks at him, Daryl knows he has to be careful about what he says right now, not for his own safety, but because Rick  _listens_  to him.  
"I know you won't do anything stupid, Rick, but just.. she's right, Rick. Don't trust that son of a bitch. He's dangerous."  
Rick ducks his head and nods. "I .. I don't know anything anymore."  
"Yeah, join the club." Daryl mumbles.  
Rick stares at him for a moment before speaking.  
"Do you trust my judgement, Daryl?"  
Daryl looks at the man. Rick was doing that 'puppy eyes' thing again but now he seems desperate for his answer.  
"Don't question yourself, you're doing what anyone with a right mind would do. You might be more diplomatic than some, but you ain't soft, and you ain't gonna get us killed."  
Rick sighs softly before nodding.  
"Can you promise me one thing, Daryl?" The archer nods.  
"If Shane threatens anyone or tries to.." He trails off. "You let me know."  
Daryl nods again. "Yeah.."  
Rick moves and slowly sits down next to Daryl, wathing the fire burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUGH I AM STILL NOT OVER YESTERDAY'S EPISODE! So to cope with that I'm already writing a few chapters ahead, and hope to have a chapter up every 2/3rd day max *KISSU*


	14. You Turn To Me With A Different Look

  
[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

 

 

The screams from the barn could be heard from their camp. After a half an hour they quietened to yelps and random wails.  
Closer to the barn the sound of pleading could be heard along with bone-to-bone contact, the wet sound of blood, and the angry growls of Daryl Dixon.

Rick didn't ask Daryl to interrogate the young man; Daryl just stomped in, closed the door behind him and started beating him. At first Rick tried to stop him but it was useless. He could only imagine what Daryl felt after seeing Sophia coming out of that barn, so he turned and walked away to let Daryl interrogate Randall.  
Sophia was only the start of the things on Daryl's mind. There was the threat of Shane ruining everything for them they have here, as well as him trying to pin Rick down.  
It all came to a fever pitch when Rick and Shane came back with the young man still in the truck. They - or Rick at least - decided against abandoning the kid out in the middle of no where for now, as he knew Maggie from high school, meaning he knew the location of the farm. If he were to find his group and tell them - willingly or not - about their location, they would all be at risk.  
Daryl understood that, but how Rick came back from his trip with Shane made his blood boil. After Lori prodded the man for answers, he managed to get away to clean up. Daryl found him rinsing blood off his face and wincing every time he put weight on his leg.  
"What happened." Daryl flat out asked.  
Rick wrung the water from his hands and smoothed his hair back, his jaw tensing quickly.  
"Shane and I had.. a disagreement."  
"Yeah, no shit."  
Rick lips twitched before he looked at Daryl. "I told him how it's gonna be, that my family is mine and he is to follow  _my_  rules, and between all of that we had a discussion about Randall, then some walkers."  
Daryl narrowed his eyes and Rick smiled slightly. "Don't worry, he can't kill me that easily."  
Daryl could feel his fist throbbing as he remembered what Rick had said, suddenly punching the kid until he is teetering on consciousness.

 

"Boy there's got a gang. Thirty men. They got heavy artillery and aren't lookin' to make friends. If they roll through here, our boys are dead. Our women.. they're gonna wish they were."  
Rick and Daryl give each other a look as the rest of the group let's the information settle in. Carol is more concerned right now about Daryl's bleeding knuckles.  
"What did you do?"  
He looks over at her before glancing at his knuckles.  
"We had a little chat."  
Rick let's out a pressed sigh. "No one goes near this guy.."  
"Rick, what are you going to do?" Lori speaks softly.  
"We have no choice - he's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat."  
Dale steps forward, horrified. "You're just gonna  _kill him_?"  
"It's settled." Rick orders. "We'll do it today."  
  
As Rick retreats, Dale follows him hurriedly. Even though the older man could give a piercing look and a rifle was always slung over his shoulder, he was one of the more compassionate people in the group who always reminded them of their humanity. As Shane slipped into more animalistic instincts, Dale became the moral man that Rick could lend his ear too; one of the reasons why Dale and Shane continuously clash, with the latter threatening to even kill the other.  
"You can't do this." Dale walks next to Rick, searching his face. "You don't  _want_  to do this, I know you don't!  
"I thought about it all night. From what we know now I don't see a way out-"  
"But you can't just decide on your own to take someone's life!"  
"The group seems to support it."  
"What? Because they didn't speak back? You didn't let them!"  
Rick stops and thinks about that.  
"There's.. gotta be a process."  
Rick looks at the man. "And what would that be? We can't call witnesses, go before a judge-"  
"So he's automatically guilty by association and sentenced to death? He's  _just a kid_!"  
Rick looks away from the pleading eyes in front of him.  
"Give me some time to talk to everyone-"  
"No-no! We can't drag this out! People are scared!"  
"Which is why they need time to discuss this!"  
"No, they need to be  _safe_. I owe them that."  
"You think about your son!"  
The words nearly bowl Rick over.  
"The message that you're giving him! Shoot first, think later? I'm asking for one day to talk to everyone, you can give me that? Think about Carl-"  
" _I am_." He looks away for a moment to think before turning back to Dale. "We reconvene at sunset and whatever happens,  _happens_."

 

Dale starts talking with everyone, trying to remind them of how inhumane it would be to kill Randall, and the scars this could leave on all of them. He thought that if some of the more influential people spoke up, the rest might reconsider.  
He ventures out into the field, finding Daryl beside his fire-pit measuring his handmade arrows.  
"The whole point of me comin' up here is to get away from you people."  
"It's gonna take more than that." Dale watches him, propping his foot on a log.  
"Carol sent you?"  
"Carol's not the only one concerned about you, you're.. new role in the group."  
"I'm 'a need my head strong. This group's broken, I'm better off fending for myself."  
"You act like you don't care.."  
"Yeah, it's 'cause I don't."  
Dale studies Daryl as the man puts on his vest. "So live or die, you don't care what happens to Randall?"  
Daryl looks at him. "Nope."  
"Then why not stand with me and try to save the kid's life if it doesn't really matter one way or the other."  
"I didn't peg you for a desperate son of a bitch.." Daryl says casually.  
Your opinion makes a difference."  
"Man, ain't nobody lookin' at me for nothin'." He slings his crossbow over his shoulder and starts to walk off.  
"Carol is! And I am, right now. And obviously you have Rick's ear."  
"Rick looks to  _Shane_." He spits, not realising how the words came out. "Let him."  
Daryl starts walking off again but Dale won't have it.  
"You cared about what happened to Sophia!" Dale pauses as Daryl stops and turns back to face him. "Cared what it meant to the group. Torturing people? That isn't you! You're a decent man! So is Rick." He takes a breath. "Shane.. is different."  
Daryl watches him. "Why's that? Because he killed Otis?"  
The look on Dale's face changes as he steps closer to Daryl, his voice lowering slightly.  
"Did he tell you that?"  
"Tells some story how Otis covered him to save his ass." Dale nods in reply, listening to Daryl's every word. "He showed up with a dead guy's gun." Daryl shakes his head. "Rick ain't stupid. If he didn't figure it out it's 'cause he didn't wanna."  
"Like I said, group's broken." He walks away, leaving Dale on his own.  
  


 

The amber sunset doesn't have the same calming and serene feel to it this early evening. As Rick walks into the front room of Hershel's house with Lori, he looks around to the people in the room, the people that look to him for what they should do. The  _right_  thing to do. The right thing to keep them safe.  Daryl stands behind him in the entryway to the adjacent room with Carl peeking in behind him. Andrea, T-Dog and Shane are standing on the either side of the room watching him, while the other's are sitting down, looking off somewhere else. Rick turns and regards Daryl before noticing Carl there and silently motioning him to leave the room.  
Glenn looks around before breaking the suffocating silence. "So how do we do this, just.. take a vote..?"  
"Does it have to be unanimous?" Andrea asks as she looks at Rick.  
"Let's just see where everybody stands then we can talk through the options."  
Shane cocks his head to the side. "Well the way I see it, there's only one way of moving forward."  
"Killing him."  
All eyes turn to Dale. The man looks around the group, defeated. "Right? I mean why bother taking a vote, it's clear which way the wind's blowing."  
"If people believe we should spare him, I want to know." Rick affirms, glancing over at Dale.  
"I tell ya it's a small group." A glaze covers Dale's eyes. "Maybe just.. me and Glenn."  
Glenn slowly looks up at Dale and the older man's face falls even more.  
"Look I.." Glenn falters. "I think you're pretty much right about everything all the time.. but this.."  
"They've got you scared!" Dale exclaims.  
"He's not one of us! And.. we've lost too many people already.."  
Rick looks away as Dale glances around the room.  
"How 'bout you?" He asks Maggie as she stands. "Do you agree with this?"  
Maggie is reluctant to answer at first, but turns to Rick. "Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?"  
"Just another mouth to feed.." Daryl answers softly.  
"It may be a lean winter." Hershel adds.  
"We could ration better."  
"Well, he could be an  _asset_." Dale's eyes scan the room. "Give him a chance to prove himself."  
Glenn looks over at Rick. "Put him to work?"  
Rick shakes his head. "We're not letting him walk around."  
"We could put an escort on him." Maggie suggests.  
Shane frowns at that. "Who wants to volunteer for that duty?"  
"I will." Dale declares.  
"I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy." Rick says  
"He's right. I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up." Lori looks at Rick.  
Andrea folds her arms "We can't exactly put chains around his ankles, sentence him to hard labor."  
Shane sighs, resting back on the fireplace. "Look, say we let him join us, right? Maybe he's helpful, maybe he's..  _nice_. We let our guard down and maybe he runs off, brings back his 30 men."  
"So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he may  _never even attempt?_ " Dale punctuates the conclusion the group are coming to. "If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead. There is no civilisation." The man's eyes well up with every word as he fears this is the case, even among the reasonable people within the group.  
"Could you drive him further out? Leave him like you planned?"  
"You barely came back this time." Lori shakes her head as she watches Rick. "There are walkers. You could break down. You could get lost."  
"Or get ambushed." Daryl adds.  
"We should not put our own people at risk." Glenn agrees.  
"If you go through with it, how would you do it? Would he suffer?"  
Shane looks at Rick, his eyes unusually soft given the conversation. "We could hang him, right? Just snap his neck."  
Rick frowns as he looks out the window. "I thought about that. Shooting may be more humane."  
"And what about the body?" T-Dog chimes in. "Do we bury him-"  
" _Woah, woah woah_!" Dale bursts back in with the conversation, motioning with his hands. "Hold on, hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided!"  
"Been talking all day, going around in circles." Daryl stares at him. "You just wanna go around in circles again?"  
"This is a young man's  _life_! And it is worth more than a  _five-minute conversation_! Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide  _what else_  to do with him?" Dale turns to Rick. "You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed! How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?"  
Dale's words hang in the air, the realisation showing on some people's faces, including Rick's.   
"We all know what needs to be done." Shane affirms.  
Rick shakes his head. "No, Dale is right. We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility-"  
 "So what's the other solution?" Andrea eyes Rick. "We haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could!"  
"So let's work on it!" Dale yells.  
"Stop it.." Carol speaks up, her voice still soft. " _Just stop it_. I'm  _sick_  of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this." She looks at Dale. "You can't ask us to decide something like this. Please decide either of you, both of you - but leave me out."  
"All right, that's  _enough_." Rick interrupts and everyone stops. "Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance."  
Maggie and Otis' girlfriend, Patricia, sit down, while Hershel ducks his head.  
Dale looks around the room, twisting his hat in his hands. Burning overcomes his eyes as he silently pleads, but no one looks at him. He stares at Rick.  
"You once said that we don't kill the living."  
"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us."  
"But don't you see? If we do this, the  _people_  that we were - the world that we knew is dead! And this new world is ugly. It's harsh. I-It's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in, and I don't, and I don't believe that any of you do! _I can't."_  Dale stares around the room as his eyes start betraying him. Daryl watches as the man wells up with tears, the emotions stuck in his throat as he pleads to them.   
"Let's just do what's right." The room falls into silence again. "Isn't there anybody else who's gonna stand with me?"   
Andrea stares at him as the others keep their eyes averted. "He's right." Dale eyes are immediately on hers, a glimmer of hope in them as she speaks. "We should try to find another way."  
Rick nods slowly. "Anybody else?"  
Everyone stays silent. He looks to Daryl who only stares at him. Some give their own silent answer like Daryl, others keep their eyes away. Finally Rick looks at Dale and shrugs slightly, his heart heavy as the older man does his best to fight back tears.  
"Are y'all gonna watch, too? No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. I won't be a party to it."  
He slowly walks out of the room and puts his hand on Daryl's shoulder as they stare each other in the eye.   
"This group is broken."  
Rick listens to his retreating steps as he goes back outside. He doesn't stop him, he doesn't object to the group. It makes him feel sick.  
The only thing he's glad about right now is that Shane hasn't uttered a word.

 

  
The moon is full and high in the sky, shining a beautiful light over the farm and the field, the air is cool as Shane, Rick and Daryl lead Randall into the barn. The young man at first believing another 'chat' with Daryl is behind those heavy, wooden doors. He tries to plea with them as Rick tells Daryl where to sit him, placing a gas lamp on the ground.  
Shane moves behind Randall, blindfolding him. "It's all gonna be over soon."  
"What? What's gonna be over soon?" The young man asks worriedly.  
"Relax."  
He suddenly realises what's about to happen and yells out to them, pleading and starting to cry. Shane tries to calm him down while Rick stands a few feet in front of Randall, loading his bullets into his gun. The sight of the small, young man - barely able to stand upright, terrified and pleading - makes bile rise up in Rick's throat. He tries to block it, trying to see Randall as a future threat that must be taken out.  _Now_.  
"Would you like to stand or kneel?"  
"Oh, no! Please!"  
Daryl pushes Randall onto his knees and grabs his hair, indicating to keep his head up. Shane looks at Rick and nods before looking away, while Daryl keeps his eyes on Rick, waiting for anything else he might need.   
"Do you have any final words."  
The young boy rocks slightly, sobbing loudly. "No,  _please_! Please don't...  _don't_..."  
Rick raises his gun and cocks it, the sound alerting Randall and he starts breathing fast and whimpering. Rick knows his hesitating, he knows he has to do it, he has to wear this on his head.

  
  
"Do it, dad."

  
A chill runs through Rick as the sound of Carl's voice swirls in his head.  
"Do it."  
Rick turns his head to the barn doors and sees his son watching, waiting for him to kill Randall.  
Shane runs over to Carl, nostrils flared but his voice low and calm as he pulls Carl outside. "What'd I say to you?  _What did I say to you?_ "   
Rick struggles to keep his gun focussed, his arm trembling before it drops to his side.  
"Take him away." He murmurs. "Take him away."  
Daryl pulls Randall to his feet and takes him away. Rick stares at Carl as his own kid stares back at him.

They walk back together to the camp, neither talking. The group watches as Rick and Carl move closer, confused.  
"We're keeping him in custody, for now."  
Andrea smiles in relief. "I'm gonna find Dale."  
Lori stares at her husband, her gaze burning into his. "Carl, go inside. Now, please."  
As Carl disappears into the tent, Rick moves closer to her, speaking quietly.   
"He followed us. He wanted to watch."  
Lori's eyes widen and Rick can feel how horrified that makes her.  
"I couldn't.."  
Lori brings her hands up to his chest then touches his cheek, gazing at him "That's okay." She says slowly, hoping with everything Rick believes it. "That's okay."  
  


Screams from the field jolts the group. Rick orders Lori to get Carl then tells T-Dog to grab a shot gun. Other members of the group run with Rick towards where the sounds were coming from. Andrea joins them with a flashlight, calling out for Dale - the only person that wasn't back at the camp.  
A single, long, blood-curdling scream echos out. Daryl arrives first and tackles the walker off of Dale, stabbing it once through the head.  
Daryl's screams and flags down the approaching members. It sends a cold shot through Rick, for a split second thinking that Daryl has been attacked as well and a new burst of adrenaline kicks in.  
He gets to Daryl and sees he is okay but kneeling over Dale, the man's stomach ripped open, revealing his insides. Rick drops next to Dale's head and holds his face, looking into his eyes and trying to distract him. The older man can only make small noises before his breath starts to hitch. Andrea crawls up close to his face and tells him to hang on and - despite all the pain -  he nods to her.  
The rest of the group along with Hershel arrive and Daryl sees the look on the older man's face as he looks down at Dale, there's nothing he can do.  
"Can we move him?" Rick pleads.  
"He won't make the trip."  
"You have to do the operation here." Rick starts telling Glenn to go back to the house but Hershel grabs Rick's shoulders, shakes his head.  
Daryl stares up at Rick as the man turns away and yells out into the field. He listens to the sounds of Dale fighting to breathe, and the sobbing from the group, even Shane's face is painted with sadness. He's helpless yet again.  
  
Rick pinches the bridge of his nose, his eyes tight as he slowly pulls out his gun and kneels beside Dale. The dying man is now wincing and gritting his teeth through the pain, ripping up chunks of grass with his fingers as he groans.  
"He's suffering.." Andrea's whimpers turn into sobs as Dale starts making gurgling sounds. " _Do something_!"  
Rick stands up next to Hershel and Shane, the men looking away as he tries to raise his gun. He locks eyes with Dale and for this moment everything is still; the pain in Rick's eyes mirrored in Dale. His mind is screaming, with his body ready to break down and cry.  
A hand moves onto his and he looks up, his tear-stained eyes staring at Daryl as he slowly takes Rick's gun and moves in front of him. He kneels down and aims the gun at Dale's head. The dying man stares back at him, using the last of his strength to raise his head to the barrel of the gun.

  
  
"Sorry, brother.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad to be nearing S2 shenanigans and delving into prison love... I mean that in every sense of the word haw haw haw


	15. Surrender For What You Believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry this chapter was late! I have a new computer and this weird shitty HP keyboard is a complete assholeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
> 
> Now let's get ready for the pain that's this week's TwD ep!

 

  
[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

 

A warm glow from the afternoon sun brings a sense of warmth to Dale's funeral. Rick asks Andrea if she wants to lead the memorial but asks him too instead.  
"Dale could get under your skin. He sure got under mine, because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt. That kind of honesty is rare and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We've all seen it one time or another. I couldn't always read him, but he could read us. He saw people for who they were. He knew things about us. The truth who we really are." He pauses for a moment. "In the end, he was talking about losing our humanity." He takes a moment to look around the group, his eyes landing on Daryl. The men share a simple gaze. For a split second Rick is propelled back to the night before, before Dale was attacked, when they were about to assassinate Randall. Daryl watched him, waiting for any order he commanded, anything he would need and never once objected to his choice to spare Randall.  
For the first time in a long time, Daryl and him could communicate without words.  
"He said this group was broken. The best way to honor him is to unbreak it. Set aside our differences and pull together, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and take control of our lives. Our safety our future. We're not broken. We're gonna prove him wrong. From now on we're gonna do it his way; that is how we honor Dale."

 

"It'll be tight; fourteen people in one house." Rick assesses the grounds.  
"Don't worry about that." Hershel assures him. "With the swamp hardening, the creek drying up."   
Maggie sighs. "With 50 head of cattle on the property, we might as well be ringing a damn dinner bell."  
"She's right. We should've moved you in a while ago."  
Rick allocates different tasks to people so they can have the cars ready for supply runs as well as different outlook posts. T-Dog and Daryl take turns in watching over the perimeter and standing guard while Hershel stocks the basement with as much food and water he can.  
"Shane'll assign shifts while me and Daryl take Randall offsite and cut him loose." Rick makes a point to look at Shane as he speaks.  
The other man watches Rick. "We're back to that now?"  
"It was the right plan first time around. Poor execution."  
"That's a slight understatement." Shane mumbles, looking away.  
Rick takes a step closer and eyes him. "You don't agree, but this what's happening. Swallow it. Move on."  
Shane's eyes flick back to Rick. "You know that Dale's death and the prisoner-- that's two separate things, right? You wanna take Daryl as your wingman, be my guest."  
Rick's lip twitches as he turns away. "Thank you."

 

Rick grabs the maps and asks Daryl to accompany him outside. They take a moment to assess everyone going about their different jobs before Rick smoothes the maps out flat.  
Daryl watches him, lightly nibbling the tip of his thumb. "You sure Shane won't have a bitch about me being the one goin' with you to let this kid go?"  
Rick scans the map, smirking slowly. "He already did." He glances up at Daryl. "I didn't give him a choice in the matter. Besides, I need someone I can trust."  
Daryl eyes soften as Rick looks back down at the map.  
"Take him out to Senoia - hour there, hour back, give or take. We may lose the light, but we'll be halfway home by then."  
"This little pain in the ass will be a distant memory. Good riddance." Daryl sits on the porch bench, his back towards the front yard.  
"Carol's putting together some provisions for him, enough to last a few days."   
Both men watch Shane driving towards the house and park the car.  
"That thing you did last night.. " Rick looks away for a moment before his eyes land back on Daryl, the other man gazing back at him.  
"Ain't no reason you should do all the heavy lifting."  
Rick realises Daryl will never really know how much that meant to him, as well as his silent confidence in him.  
"So are you good with all this?"   
"I don't see you and I trading haymakers on the side of the road. Nobody'd win that fight."  
Daryl looks behind him as a car door closes, seeing Shane approaching. He decides to leave Rick alone to talk to Shane, for a moment at least.

"Hey, man, you seen Carl lately?" Shane's voice was soft, Rick even noticed the concern in it.  
"He's inside with his mother."  
"Look, he came to me. I wasn't supposed to say anything, but he was out in the swamps yesterday and he came across a walker stuck in the mud. He got scared, ran off."  
"The same walker that killed Dale?"  
"That's the one."  
"I'll have Lori talk to him."  
Shane bites his lip. "Look, man, I think... I think he wants to talk to his father."  
Rick's eyes were hard on Shane, suspicious of what ulterior motive he might be concocting. "Well, I need this Randall thing done already."  
"Man, that needs to wait, okay?"   
"It's my call." Rick affirmed.  
"How about I ride out with Daryl? Good for us to spend a little time together."  
"Nah, I need you here." Rick didn't hesitate. There was no way he was going to let Shane get anywhere near Daryl. Ever.  
"Don't think I'll handle it right, huh?"  
"Didn't say that."  
Shane was watching Rick now like the man was watching his.. friend. "What you say? You know, your son - he gave me this." He places the handgun down. "You should get that back to Daryl, huh? Freeing that prisoner more important to you than Carl."  
Shane left Rick with a sneer and his words floating in the air.

 

"Mom said you'd be here." Rick finished climbing the steps up to the top of the barn and sat down next to Carl.  
"Told her I would stand lookout. I got tired of helping around the house." The young boy mumbles, fiddling with the binoculars.  
Rick slowly rakes the gun out and offers it to him. "Take it." Carl glances down at the gun then back at his father, making no move to touch the weapon again. Rick's eyes soften as he watches his son. "What happened to Dale had nothing to do with you."  
"He- he died, dad."  
"Yeah. Yeah. Feels like there's a lot of that going around." Rick pauses, his eyes meeting Carl's as he wraps his arm around Carl's narrow shoulders. "That's why I need you. No more kid stuff. I wish you could have the childhood I had, but that's not gonna happen. People are gonna die. I'm gonna die. Mom. There's no way you can ever be ready for it. I try to be, but I can't.  
The best we can do now is avoid it as long as we can, keep one step ahead." Rick's heart felt the heaviest it ever has, feeling like he's damning his young son to this life, with no idea if there will ever be reprieve. The only thing he can do is try to protect him and give him a fighting chance.  
"I wish I had something better to say, something... something more profound. My father was good like that. But I'm tired, son. Please take it."  
Carl gazes up at his father with all the faith a son could have in his father and slowly takes the gun.

 

Daryl and T-Dog finish packing the pickup truck as Rick comes over.  
"Ready?"  
Daryl grabs his crossbow and opens the passenger side door. "Yeah."  
"I'll grabbed the package." T-Dog closes the trailer door and jogs over towards the makeshift cell.  
The men climb into the car and wait.  
"Lori said you were with Carl.."  
Rick nods, knowing that's Daryl's way of asking how Carl was.  
"He's been feeling guilty.. he saw the walker that killed Dale earlier in the day and couldn't kill it, so.." He sighs heavily. "I told him it wasn't his fault." He rests his head back. "Also, if you're looking for your gun, I found it.."  
Rick opens his eyes at the silence, smirking slightly at the look Daryl gives him.  
"Like his damn father." The other man mumbles, making Rick grin.  
"Hopefully he has more smarts than his father at that age."  
"Had to go through the last life with one-o' you, now I have to go through this life with a damn mini version of you too."  
Rick chuckles at that, making Daryl's lip curl into a half smile.  
T-Dog suddenly appears on Rick's side, making both men jump slightly.  
"We gotta problem."

 

Andrea, T-Dog, Daryl, Hershel Carol and Rick inspect every part of Randall's holding cell and the surrounding area, unsure how the young man escaped.  
"The cuffs are still hooked, he must've slipped 'em."  
"Is that possible?" Carol stares at Rick, hoping the man could give a simple answer.  
"It is if you've got nothing to lose." Andrea walks out as Hershel closes the door.  
"The door was secured from the outside."  
Rick shakes his head as he looks around, utterly confused as to how such an injured kid could have slipped past them. He was a slim kid with small wrists that could easily find their way out, someone could have been careless and accidentally forgot to lock the door, and Randall could have locked it behind him to make sure no one noticed a thing.

 

"RICK!"

 

His name sounds like thunder. He turns and sees Shane marching out of the woods, his nose streaming blood down his face and neck.   
"He's armed! He's got my gun. Little bastard just snuck up on me, clocked me in the face!"  
Rick turned to the group. "All right, Hershel, T-Dog, get everybody back in the house. Glenn, Daryl, come with us."  
"T, I'm gonna need that gun." Shane grabs the handgun from T-Dog as the others scramble towards the house.  
"Just let him go." Carol started pleading. "That was the plan, wasn't it, to just let him go?"  
"The plan was to cut him loose far away from here, not on our front step with a gun." Rick's voice was husky, with a similar growl to Shane's as the men walk towards the woods  
"Don't go out there. Ya'll know what can happen!"   
"Get everybody back in the house. Lock all the doors and stay put!"  
T-Dog gently grabs Carol's arm and leads her with everyone back into the house, the four men quickly disappearing into the woods.

 

"I saw him head up through the trees that way before I blacked out. I'm not sure how long."  
"He couldn't have gotten far. He's hobbled, exhausted." Rick assures them.  
"And armed." Glenn adds.  
"So are we." Rick turns to Daryl. "Can you track him?"   
The man scans the forest floor, seeing nothing unique or unusual. "No, I don't see nothin'."  
Shane walks up to Rick. "Hey, look, there ain't no use in tracking him, okay? He went that way. We need to pair up. We spread out, we just chase him down. That's it."  
"Kid weighs a buck-25 soaking wet." Daryl suddenly turns to Rick. "You tryin' to tell us he got the jump on you?"  
"I say a rock pretty much evens those odds, wouldn't you?" Shane shoots back.  
"Alright, knock it off." Rick lazily raises his hand. He turns to Daryl who continues eyeing Shane. "You and Glenn start heading up the right flank. Me and Shane'll take the left. Remember, Randall's not the only threat out there. Keep an eye out for each other."  
Rick sees the look in Daryl's eye to reconsider splitting up and being alone with Shane out in the woods, but Rick gives him a nod before they break up.  
Like his duty to keep Carl and Lori safe, so it was Rick's to also keep Daryl safe. There was no chance he would leave Glenn or Daryl alone with Shane.  
No. This is between him and Shane.

 

Night fell soon after, leaving the men in the darkness and silence of the woods. Shane and Rick didn't speak; Shane mumbling 'won't be far now' every now and then, Rick staying completely silent, his eyes mostly on Shane. Daryl's words were once again swirling around in his mind. There was no way Randall could have attacked Shane like he apparently did. Part of their job as police officers involved people attacking them, now the not-so dead attack them. Rick's jaw was clenched tight for so long it started to throb, the dull ache now making it stiff to move. His heart was thumping fast enough in his chest that he was sure he might go into cardiac arrest. Shane would love that; for him to drop dead - right here in the darkness of the woods - so he could father Carl and love Lori like he thinks only he can. Rick tilted his head to the side as he stared at the back of Shane's head.  
He knows one of them won't make it out of the woods tonight.

 

Daryl felt a pressure in his chest even after hours out in the woods with Glenn. He didn't like - no, he  _hated_ \- the fact that Rick was alone with Shane.  
Daryl takes the flashlight and shines it around on the settled ground, finally spotting something.  
"There's two sets of tracks right here. Shane must've followed him a lot longer than he said."  
Both men follow the light up a tree, spotting smear of blood upon the bark. Fresh blood, followed by more tracks. Daryl frowns slowly.  
"Looks like they're walking in tandem. Yeah, there was a little dust up right here."  
Glenn shakes his head before looking up at Daryl. "What do you mean?"   
"I mean somethin' went down."  
"It's getting weird."  
Daryl was tempted to tell Glenn how true he was, but he sees Randall's blindfold on the ground in front of them. As Glenn picks it up the sound of footsteps nearby alerts them. The men duck behind adjacent trees and Daryl throws Glenn the flashlight. They listen to the single pair of footsteps approach them. Glenn waits until the footsteps are only a few feet away before stepping out, trying to shine the light in the person's face.  
Randall.   
The kid snarls and grabs at Glenn, making the other man lose his balance and fall. Daryl aims his arrow at the walker but Randall immediately grabs for it. Daryl tries keeping it up as a shield, watching the now-reanimated boy gnash his teeth at him. Glenn pounces on Randall's back, finally able to pin him down to the ground and kill him.  
Daryl gets to his feet, shining the light onto Randall's face. He pats Glenn's chest, impressed. "Nice!"

 

Rick keeps himself a few feet behind Shane as they head further into the woods where the moonlight barely leaks through. Shane only looks back twice, with black, foreign eyes. They don't bother Rick as his are just as black, just as foreign to Shane. Even to himself.  
"Does this way feel right?" Rick seems to be asking himself the question more than Shane.   
The other man turned to look at him, taking a couple of steps closer.  
"As right as any."  
"Snatched your gun, huh?"   
"Yeah." Shane slowly looks around before black eyes land back on Rick's. "It's my favorite piece too. Gonna wish he'd... wish he'd killed me when I find his sorry ass."  
Black eyes met with black eyes. A predator with a predator. A wolf with a sheep in wolf's clothing.   
"Go on." Shane mutters, motioning up ahead. Rick stays where he is, and Shane mutters the words again.  
Rick slowly moves past and walks ahead of Shane.  
The wolf and the prey.

 

"Got his neck broke." Daryl turns Randall's head to the side, still finding no bite or scratch marks. He turns the body over, seeing no fresh blood on the back his clothes either. He pulls his shirt up. "He's got no bites."  
"Yeah, none you can see."   
"No, I'm telling you he died from this." Daryl motions to Randall's neck. Both men look at each other, puzzled.  
"How's that possible?" Glenn looks back at the body, not even sure what questions to ask next. Daryl is equally confused and doesn't like it. He grabs his used arrow and the men head back to the house, hoping Rick is already there.

 

The large clearing glistens in the moonlight, the grass looking lush and fresh. Rick nods to himself as he leads them up the small hill to the top.  
"You say he got you with a rock?"  
"That's what I said." Shane mumbles from behind him.  
"Inside the shed?" Rick wasn't really asking, but he was curious as to what Shane would say as he continued asking. He turns his head slightly to glance behind his shoulder at Shane. "'Cause that door was shut when T-Dog rolled up."  
"I saw that too." Shane's voice was soft as he stops. "Must've slipped through the rafters in the roof."

The surrounds were beautiful and silent, the full moon hanging low in the sky. Right now, though, it was a completely different world inside of Rick Grimes. His heart beat with heaving thumps inside of his chest, the hair on his arms were on end, his nostrils flared and his lips curled into a snarl. There was an anger that he never noticed before and it had been burning inside of him. It burned for Carl, it burned for Lori, and it burned for Daryl. It burned for himself.

He could hear Shane breathing from where he stood. It was at a pace one would do to ready themselves for something drastic, possibly life-changing. Rick put his gun back into the holster at his hip, his back to Shane for now.  
"So this is where you planned to do it?"   
Shane hesitated before answering. "It's a good place as any."  
Rick half-turned towards Shane but didn't look at him. "At least have the balls to call this what it is.." He waits until he hears Shane pull the hammer back on his gun before looking at him. ".. murder."  
The men start moving around, keeping the same distance between them. "You really believe if you walk back onto that farm alone - no me, no Randall - "  
Shane raises his hand, his voice still soft and non-threatening. "I want you to hush up-"  
Rick knew very well how Shane tries to play the Calm Card. "You really believe they're gonna buy whatever bullshit story you cook up?"   
"That's just it; it ain't no story. I saw that prisoner shoot you down. I ran after.. I snapped his neck." A flicker of something goes over Shane's eyes and his voice deepens. "It ain't gonna be easy, but Lori and Carl - they'll get over you. They done it before. They just gonna have to."  
He aims his gun at Rick's head.  
Rick takes a step closer. He starts circling Shane.  
" _Why_." Rick growls. "Why now? I thought we worked this all out."  
"We tried to kill each other man!" Shane chuckles. "What you think? We just gonna forget about it all? We gonna ride off into the sunset together?"  
"You're gonna kill me in cold blood? Screw my wife? Have my children -  _my children_  - call you daddy, is that what you want? That life won't be worth a damn." Rick's eyes soften slightly at the thought of what his best friend used to be. "I know you. You won't be able to live with this."  
Shane stares at him, his face slowly scrunching up. He lowers his gun. "What you know about what I can live with? You got no idea what I can live with, _what I live with_! You wanna talk about what I can do, Rick? How about what you can do?" He shoves his gun in the waistband of his pants and raises his arms over his head. "Here I am. Come on, man. Raise your gun."  
Rick's lip twitches. "No.. no, I will not."  
"What happened, Rick? I thought you weren't the good guy anymore. Ain't that what you said? Even right here, right now, you ain't gonna fight for 'em? I'm a  _better father_   _than you, Rick_. I'm better for Lori than you, man! It's 'cause I'm a better  _man_ than you, Rick, 'cause I can be here and I'll fight for her. But you come back here and you just _destroy everything_!"  
Rick watches as Shane starts panting loudly, a flash of a smile on his lips. The man tilts his head, trying to gauge Rick as he takes a few steps closer, deciding to go for the kill.  
"You got a  _broken woman_. You got a  _weak boy_.You ain't got the first clue on how to fix it." Shane pulls his gun out and aims it at Rick again. "Raise your gun."  
"You're gonna have to kill an unarmed man. Watch my hand..." He slowly raises his hands before reaching down and easing the gun out of his holster. "Nice and easy." He keeps his eyes on Shane's as he feels the smooth handle of his gun. Shane keeps his eyes fixed on Rick's, only steeling glances down at Rick's hand.

  
Wolf and prey.

  
"Easy does it..."  
Rick pulls out his gun and holds it up, offering it to Shane.   
"Now listen to me, Shane. There is still a way back from this, nothing has happened here." He lowers his gun towards the ground as the gap between them closes. "We're gonna lay down our guns and we're gonna walk back to the farm..  _together_." He almost sees Shane hesitate, considering his offer. "Back to Lori. Back to Carl." Rick's eyes shine in the darkness as Shane's eyes change at the mention of the both of them, but Rick can see Shane still is trying to read him, find his play. The other man keeps his gun aimed at Rick, the distance almost closed. "Put this all behind us."  
  


Rick pulls his knife out and drives it into Shane's side.

A single shot echos over the field.

 

Rick catches Shane in his arms as the man falls forward, groaning. Rick hushes softly in his ear before driving the knife into his chest, pushing Shane onto his back. He grips onto Rick's shirt, blood trickling out of his mouth as gurgling sounds erupt from his throat.  
"Damn you for making me do this, Shane. _This was you, not me_! _You did this to us_! This was you, not me-  _NOT ME_!" He pulls the knife out, the wet sound loud and offending to Rick's ears. Shane looks down at the blood flowing out of the open wound before he looks up at Rick. He slowly reaches up and touches Rick's face as the man starts to sob.  
Rick gently touches Shane's shirt as the other man struggles to breathe before giving in, the guttural sound turning into a sigh; his last breath.

  
Tears stream down Rick's face as he cries and screams to the sky.

 

 

"Dad?"

 

Rick quickly turns to Carl standing nearby, the gun in his hand too big, too heavy.   
  
Rick stands with shaky feet to face him. "Carl." He slowly moves over to the frightened boy. "No.." Rick whimpers. "You know you should be back home with momma."  
Carl raises his gun with both hands, aiming it towards Rick. Rick stops.  
"Just - just put the - put the gun down." He tries not to weep. "It's not what it seems.  _Please_..."  
Carl pulls the trigger and Rick closes his eyes, but he doesn't fall, instead he hears something fall to the ground behind him. He turns and sees Shane's dead body, closer than it was before. Rick turns back to Carl as the young boy starts lowering his gun.   
They walk over to the body, Rick making sure Carl stays behind him at a safe distance.

 

Neither father nor son know the last gunshot alerted walkers, and they're heading their way.

 


	16. In The Garden Of Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walkers bear down on the farm..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCKING YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! S2 is done! I hated writing that season, but I'm so happy to start S3 related stuff.
> 
> I'm so happy for the lovely feedback from not only people who already watched TWD but also the muffins that are only just starting to watch now!
> 
> I will most likely make the next chapter a flashback before we start s3 because why not have some teenage!rickyl, aw yis

 

 [[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

 

Daryl and Glenn quickly head walk up the stairs and in the front door, a sea of nervous eyes meeting them. Daryl immediately notices Rick's absence.  
"Rick and Shane ain't back?"  
"No."  
Daryl feels a knot in his chest. "We heard a shot."  
Lori motions outside. "Maybe they found Randall."  
"We found him."  
"Is he back in the shed?"  
"He's a walker."  
"Did you find the walker that bit him?" Hershel asks with concerned.  
"No.." Glenn shakes his head. "the weird thing is he wasn't bit."  
"His neck was broke."  
Patricia looked between them. "So he fought back."  
"The thing is, Shane and Randall's tracks were right on top of each other. And Shane ain't no tracker, so he didn't come up behind him." Daryl looks at Lori. "They were together."  
Lori quickly moves up to him, her hands clasp together. "Would you please get back out there, find Rick and Shane and find out what on earth is going on?"    
"You got it."  
She gently squeezes Daryl's arm. "Thank you."

  
The walk back to the farm with Carl is silent apart from the crickets chirping around them.   
Carl finally looks up at Rick, lightly biting his lip. "You bit too?   
Rick isn't sure whether to make up a story. He couldn't. He was too tired to lie, and didn't want to lie to his son. "No."  
Carl looks at the ground, nodding to himself. "Shane was."  
Rick glances down at Carl. "That wasn't Shane. You know that."  
The boy looked up at him. "Used to be. What happened? You guys attacked? I mean, I heard a gunshot, but I didn't see any walkers nearby. How did Shane die?"  
The pair finally stop walking and Rick turns to face his son. He stares at Carl's confused young face. What does he say? How does he even start explaining what happened?  
The sound of snarling snaps Rick out of his thoughts. He looks around and sees that a herd of walkers have been following them and are closing the distance fast.

"Oh my God.." He ushers Carl in front of him as they run towards the farm, trying to lay as low to the ground as they can.

They hide behind thick brush and a strong tree, seeing that the house is too far and walkers from another part of the field are already closing in. ' _Going around is no option._ '. Rick keeps Carl in front of him as they run to the barn instead, slipping through the back doors and barricading it. The sounds of guttural growls and snarls slip through the planks with the sounds of nails dragging down the rough wood. They've attracted too many walkers from the impending herd to get out from either side now. Carl clings to Rick, both of them watching as dirty, bony fingers slip through the planks and grip the wood, hearing the creaks. Rick knows they won't last long in here. He pulls Carl back with him from the door as he scans around, glancing up the small mezzanine where he sat with Carl by the window earlier. Up. Go up.  
He looks around and spots cans of gasoline near some garden tools. He pats his shirt pocket and pulls out a lighter before grabbing the gasoline cans, giving one to Carl and opening the other he instructs Carl to pour it on the ground around them.  
"Okay. Up there." He steadies the ladder for Carl. "Hurry."  
"What about you?"  
"I'll be right there. Drop the lighter when I say. We'll stop some of them from reaching the house and distract the others, so at least we'll have a chance." He puts his hand on Carl's shoulder, leaning down to meet his eyes. "Hey-hey-hey, look at me. You can do this. Carl, I love you." He turns at the sound of planks being ripped off and some of the walkers are almost through. He waits until Carl is almost up the ladder before running to the door, kicking and screaming to get their attention.  
"Hey! Hey! You want some?!" He takes the barricade down and opens the doors, hopping backwards as the hoard move their fastest to get to him. Rick steps backwards to the ladder and starts climbing up, continuing to make noise as the barn continues filling with walkers.  
"Okay, Carl! Now!"  
Carl flicks the lighter, watching the flame dance in front of his eyes before he drops it down on the gasoline and walkers below. There is a loud woof followed by an immediate heat engulfs the barn, the walkers still reaching up for them as they all become ignited.

Rick and Carl step back closer to the window opening as the barn quickly becomes engulfed in flames, the heat raw to their faces. Rick looks out and sees the van approaching the barn and he signals them to come just under the opening. The sound of the fire inside is getting louder as it snakes up the posts and ladder, igniting the hay around them with ease.   
Jimmy jams on the brakes just under the opening. Carl and Rick step onto the roof, quickly slipping down the back of the van as walkers try to grab for them. Rick keeps Carl to his side as they run to the door of the van as screams from inside of the van, walkers ripping into Jimmy with feverish hunger.   
Rick grabs Carl and motions to the treeline. "We'll stay close to the woods as we go up to the house, okay?"  
"Dad, look!"  
Rick looks around and only now can see how many walkers there are. They are throughout the field, more around the barn, but too many closing in on the house. He squints, seeing flashes of lights and barely audible pops. Guns. The sound of cars. The group are trying to distract the walkers from the house.   
"Okay, okay.. along the treeline, up to the house. Everyone else might already be in cars gettin' out so we'll get mom and we'll do the same."

They hug the treeline as they run towards the house, the barn and the sound of the cars keeping the walkers distracted. They go around the side of the house and see Hershel shooting walkers one-by-one in a failing attempt to save his home.  
"Where's Lori? Did you see Lori?"  
"I don't know what happened, Rick. They just keep coming, it's like a plague. They're everywhere."  
"Lori! Did you see her?"   
"No!"  
"We have to go. Find mom and the others."  
"It's my farm!"   
Rick grabs Hershel's shirt and drags him away with them. "Not anymore!"

 

Daryl sits heavily on his bike as he watches fierce hue of the fire claim the barn. A hollow, helpless feeling seeps from his chest and down into his legs, making them limp. He almost can feel the fire in front of him, burning him alive.  
Rick would have escaped. He would have.  
He looks around at the sound frantic screaming coming from nearby. Kick-starting the bike he heads towards the sound, seeing someone trying to run as fast as they can.   
Carol could cry at the sound of the loud motorbike that stops for her.  
"Get on! I don't got all day!"  
She slips onto the back and wraps her arms tightly around Daryl's waist as he pulls the throttle back, leaving the farm in a plume of dust. 

 

  
Dawn slowly creeps across the sky, the bike ripping through the silence of the back road. It takes a while for him to get his bearings, trying to keep focussed on finding the highway and, hopefully, the rest of the group. It isn't long until he sees a pickup on the side of the road, it's lights still on. He slows down and keeps one hand on the gun at his side, just in case. A head pops out of the driver's side - and for a moment - he hopes it's Rick.  
As they get closer he sees it's T-Dog, the man smiling in relief at seeing others. Daryl drives up to the window, nodding at Beth and Lori.  
"You two are a sight for sore eyes." T-Dog chuckles.  
Lori stares at both Carol and Daryl. "Have you seen Rick or Carl?"  
Daryl lowers his gaze a bit and shakes his head. "Nah.. but I think I know where they could be. Go back to the main road, seems like the best place."  
  
Daryl leads the pickup truck as they weave through the debris on each side of the road. After a few minutes they meet up with Glenn and Maggie in another car. For a moment Daryl sees the nervousness in Lori's eyes. He knows it too. He feels the same thing.  
As the morning settles in the sun bares down on Daryl's back, burning him under his clothes. He can see flashes of the barn as he ran outside and saw the start of the fire. He wanted to run over, but there were too many walkers there already. He wanted to ride over but there were just..   
He tried. Lord - if he's still up there, if he ever was- knows he tried.

 

He slows down as they come to the spot they left supplies for Sophia, his heart beating fast enough it could break free from his chest.   
One walker staggers along through the cars.   
Another walker.    
Then a head slowly pops up from behind a car. Daryl shoulders go limp in relief and he lets himself smile.

  
Rick, Carl and Hershel stand up to watch the procession slowly drive over and park as close as they can. Rick smiles as they run over, Hershel embracing his girls while Rick makes a beeline to Daryl and grasps his hand, giving a little nod that is equally returned.  
' _Of course he's still alive, the pain in the ass_.' Daryl's lips twitched into a small smile.  
"Mom!" Carl beams as Lori steps out of the pickup and runs over to him. Rick smiles and wraps his arm around his family, giving Lori a lingering kiss on the cheek.  
Daryl bites his lip before ducking his head.  
Rick slowly stands and looks over at Daryl. "Where'd you find everyone?"   
"Well, those guys' tail lights zigzagging all over the road figured he had to be Asian, driving like that."  
Glenn smiles. "Good one."  
"Where's the rest of us?" Daryl looks to Rick.  
Rick hesitates. "We're the only ones who made it so far."  
Lori stands as well, gazing at him. "Shane?"  
He swallows hard and slowly shakes his head, looking away.  
"Andrea?"   
"She saved me." Carol bites her lip. "then I lost her."  
T-Dog looks at Rick. "We saw her go down."  
There's a heavy feeling that starts to settle down over them, realising that they didn't lose people. Shane, Jimmy, Patricia, and possibly Andrea.  
"You definitely saw Andrea?"  
"There were walkers everywhere." Lori shakes her head.  
"Did you see her?" Carol asks.  
"I'm gonna go back." Daryl slings his crossbow over his shoulder but Rick stops him before he can get back on the bike. "We can't just leave her, Rick."  
Lori's voice is soft as she looks at him. "We don't even know if she's there."   
"She isn't there." Rick presses. "She's somewhere else or she's dead. There's no way to find her."  
"So we're not even gonna look for her?" Glenn frowns.  
"We gotta keep moving. There have been walkers crawling all over here."  
T-Dog looks over at Rick. "I say head east."  
"Stay off the main roads." Daryl grabs for his crossbow, his eyes on an approaching walker. "The bigger the road, the more walkers, more assholes like this one. I got it."

  
The group go with T-Dog's suggestion and head east, Daryl leading the two cars. As they come to a heavily wooded area he hears a horn behind him and turns off to the side. The group crawl out of their cars as Rick jogs to the front near Daryl.  
"You out?"  
"Running on fumes." Rick frowns, looking at the quiet stretch of road ahead.  
Maggie grips her rifle tightly. "We can't stay here."  
"We can't all fit in one car." Glenn sighs, eyeing the two already full cars.  
"We'll have to make a run for some gas in the morning." Rick scans around, trying to find the best place to make camp.  
"Spend the night here?" Carol wraps her shawl around her body.  
"I'm freezing." Carl whines.  
Lori rubs his chest. "We'll build a fire, yeah?"  
"You go out looking for firewood, stay close. Only got so many arrows." Daryl instructs the group before moving over to Rick. "How you doing on ammo?"   
"Not enough."  
Maggie sighs. "We can't just sit here with our asses hanging out."  
"Watch your mouth." Hershel gives his daughter a look before scanning the group. "Everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick." He nods for Rick to tell them anything they must do for the meantime.  
"All right, we'll set up a perimeter. In the morning, we'll find gas and some supplies. We'll keep pushing on."  
"Glenn and I can go make a run now, try and scrounge up some gas?"  
"No, we stay together." Rick's jaw clenches. "God forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car."  
Glenn watches him. "Rick, we're stranded now."  
I know it looks bad, we've all been through hell and worse, but at least we _found each other_. I wasn't sure I really wasn't but we did. We're  _together_. We keep it that way.  
He stares at Lori, holding a shivering Carl in her arms. She knows he's trying, he's hoping she sees that anyway. Aside from Hershel and Daryl, he can see the rest of the group are nervous, possibly scared. "We'll find shelter somewhere. There's gotta be a place."  
Beth and Maggie look to Glenn as the man shakes his head. "Rick, look around. Okay? There's walkers everywhere. They're migrating or something."  
"There's gotta be a place not just where we hole up, but that we.. fortify, hunker down, pull ourselves together,  _build a life for each other_. I know it's out there.  _We just have to find it!_ "  
Daryl watches Rick's frustration slip out, knowing he's trying to hold it together for the group. He doesn't envy his situation one bit.  
"Even if we do find a place and we think it's safe, we can never be sure, for how long? Look what happened with the farm. We fooled ourselves into thinking that that was safe."  
Hershel disagrees with his eldest daughter. "We won't make that mistake again.  
"We'll make camp tonight over there, get on the road at the break of day."  
The follows Rick's gaze to the ruins of an old stone house only a few feet from the road.   
Carol moves up closer to Daryl, her voice mouse-like "Does this feel right to you?"  
Beth quietly shuffles up to Rick. "What if walkers come through, or another group like Randall's?"   
"You know I found Randall, right?" Rick looks up to Daryl as he speaks. "He had turned, but he wasn't bit."  
"How's that possible?" Beth stares at Rick.  
"Rick, what the hell happened?" Lori looks under her fringe at Rick also.  
He notices immediately that everyone is looking at him, waiting for answers. It hits him. He knows it; he knows the answer. If the group weren't questioning his decisions before, they would absolutely question him now.  
"Shane killed Randall. Just like he always wanted to." Daryl nods as he stares at Rick.   
Lori looks at Rick again but he doesn't dare look back at her. "And then the herd got him?" 

  
"We're all infected."

  
The words find their way out of his throat. It sounds foreign and for a moment he swears someone else had said it but used his voice. He's sure he can hear every member of the group stop breathing.  
"What..?" Daryl frowns, wondering if he heard that right.  
Rick tilts his head enough to look at him. "At the CDC, Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it."  
His eyes fall as the words hit Daryl. The other man walks around in small steps as the others stare at him with horrified looks on their faces. Still, he tries to look away.  
Carol walks up to him. "And you never said anything?" Her voice is louder than her usual soft and sometimes meek tone.  
"Would it have made a difference?"  
"You knew this whole time." Glenn stares at him with thinly-veiled anger.  
"How could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that ma-"   
"That is not your call! Okay, when I found out about the walkers in the barn, I told, for the good of everyone."  
"Well, I thought it best that people didn't know."  
Rick slowly looks at the group; their faces showing how much shock and contempt they now hold for him. He is sure telling them has singlehandedly ripped the group apart.

Rick walks away from the group, leaving them to cope with the revelation. He would have never of told them at all if he could, but they needed to know, he can't leave them in the dark anymore. He will have to be the leader that Shane thought he couldn't be; a  _ruthless_ leader, a leader that has to make hard decisions.  
He hears Lori coming up behind him. She wraps her arms warming him, giving him comfort.   
"I'm sure you had your reasons. Is there anything that -"  
"I killed him."  
He can feel Lori freeze.  
"I killed Shane."   
She slowly unwinds her hands from around him and takes a step back.  
"He came at me. He killed Randall to get me into the woods. He planned it. I had I had no choice." He pauses, waiting for Lori to reassuring him, say anything to let him know she understands, but there's only silence.   
"I gave him every chance and he kept leading me further out. He pushed me, and I let him. After awhile, I knew- I knew what he was doing, what he was up to.  
And I kept going. I didn't stop. I could have, but I just wanted it over. Dogging me every step of the way, acting like I stole you and Carl, like  _I_ was in the way."  
The silence makes his chest ache. She wishes she could see he had no other choice for  _him_ , for  _his_ family.  
"I just wanted it over. I wanted him dead. I killed him. He turned. That's how I knew Jenner was right. Carl put him down."

He turns at the sound of Lori trying to catch her breath, fresh tears coming to her eyes. Rick tries to touch her shoulder but she pushes it away. He tries to move closer to her but she steps back, staring at him like a stranger. Like a  _monster_. She takes a few steps further back before turning and walking back to the group with such disgust.  
He wonders if he really  _is_ a monster.

Daryl is tempted to approach Rick as dusk nears. If he were in Rick's position he wouldn't want anyone to approach him, but this was one of the differences between them, and he knows what feeling like an outcast is like.   
He gathers food and prepares the meat, telling Maggie and Carol how to cook it before setting off to see Rick.

The man is still standing where Lori left him, looking at a small waterfall not far away. Rick doesn't realise he has company at first until Daryl sighs.  
Neither man says anything for a while; both not exactly sure what to say to the other. Rick is aware that Daryl hasn't come over to berate him for his choices, not even to take a swing. It's the only thing that relaxes him.  
"Why.."  
Daryl turns his head to look at him.  
"Why.. do they look to me? They could look to you, you're.. made for all of this-"   
"Nah.." Daryl interrupts him. "Can't be me, don't want it to be me anyway. You think they know how to lead either? They're just scared.."  
"Why aren't you angry?" Rick glances at him quickly before ducking his head. "Why aren't you angry with me about what Jenner told me.."  
The other man shrugs. "As you said, it don't make a difference."  
Rick catches his eyes and they stare at each other for a moment before Daryl ducks his head then looks at the waterfall. Rick's eyes linger on his former lover, confused by how calm he is. This is the same man who would have tried to kill him only a few weeks ago. This is a man that hated him.  
"You killed Shane didn't you. No walker got him.. you did it."  
Daryl looks at Rick for an answer and he slowly nods. "He baited me out, to kill me, but I figured it out.."  
Daryl nods. "Good."

 

The night air is cold but the fire is big enough to warm everyone. Rick stays away and eats silently while Lori stays with Carl around the group. Daryl watches him as he stirs at the embers as Carol sits close to him.  
"We're not safe with him." she whispers to him. "Keeping something like that from us. Why do you need him? He's just gonna pull you down."  
"No. Rick's done all right by me."  
"You're his henchman and I'm a burden. You deserve better."  
Daryl looks at her, brows furrowed. "What do you want?"  
"A man of honor."  
"Rick  _has honor_." He growls, loud enough for Lori and Carl to hear.  
A sound nearby in the woods makes Carol grab his arm.  
"What was that?"  
"Could be anything. Could be a raccoon, could be a possum."  
Glenn stands up along with most of the others. "A walker?"  
Carol jumps up as well. "We need to leave."  
"I mean what are we waiting for?"  
"Which way?"   
"It came from over there."  
Rick moves closer to the group. "The last thing we need is for everyone to be running off in the dark. We don't have the vehicles. No one's traveling on foot."  
Hershel agrees, staying seated on the log ."Don't panic."  
Carol shuffles her feet nervously "I'm not I'm not sitting here, waiting for another herd to blow through. We need to move, now."  
"No one is going anywhere." Rick's voice is low and direct.  
"Do something!"  
"I am doing something! I'm keeping this group together,  _alive!_ I've been doing that all along, no matter what." His frustration finally breaks through. " _I didn't ask for this_! I killed my best friend for you people, for Christ's sake!" He knew they would look at him like that; the mortified look in their eyes, it didn't make it easier - especially when Carl stares at him like Lori did earlier - but his son needs to hear it, they all need to hear it.   
"You saw what he was like, how he pushed me, how he compromised us, how he threatened us. He staged the whole Randall thing, led me out to put a bullet in my back -  _he gave me no choice_! He was my friend, but he came after me. My hands are clean!"  
Rick can hear his son's muffled crying as he buries his faces into his mom's jacket.   
"Maybe you people are better off without me. Go ahead. I say there's a place for us, but maybe... maybe it's just another pipe dream, maybe I'm fooling myself again. Why don't you go and find out yourself?  _Send me a postcard_.  
Go on, there's the door. You can do better? Let's see how far you get."  
The group stay still, no one budging to move.  
"No takers?  _Fine_ , but get one thing straight. You're staying? This isn't a democracy anymore."

  
  
He looks around the group before walking away, taking watch over their temporary camp.


	17. [Flashback] Love Rocket Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Rick take in Atlanta's nightlife

[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

 

Daryl flopped on one of the double beds in their lush hotel room, grinning when the overpriced mattress made him bounce back up into a standing position.   
"Thank your mom's friend for ownin' this place."  
Rick smirked and shook his head, dropping their bags near the door before closing it behind him. "That means no breakin' the beds, Dixon."  
Daryl smirked back as he crept up behind Rick and suddenly wrapped his arms around his waist. "That all depends on you,  _Grimes_."  
Rick spun around in Daryl's arms before taking his head in his hands before kissing him, feeling Daryl's arms tighten around him.  
"Mm.." Rick leaned back slightly, breaking the kiss. "I'm gonna have to keep my eye on you tonight, aren't I?"  
"Me? Nah.." Daryl grabbed his bag and smirked, stepping back towards the bed. "Other people? Maybe."

They got ready, Rick putting on a loose tank while Daryl opted for his only white shirt to go with his homemade black jeans, rolling the short sleeves up to sit on his shoulders before a black vest completes his dark look. Rick glanced at him in the mirror as he fussed over his hair.   
"This is going to be a nightmare."  
"Mm?" Daryl looked over at him, smiling slowly as Rick frowns. "Why?"  
"Because you're going to be a sweaty mess in less than an hour and I'm gonna have to fight people off you."  
Smiling shyly at that, Daryl slowly moved over and stood behind Rick. "I'll kick all their asses. And can you stop with your damn hair!"  
Rick laughed. "I have no idea what I'm doing? Does it look stupid with what I'm wearing?"  
Daryl rolled his eyes. "Since when have you cared over what you wear?"  
"Since I got a boyfriend that looked better than me."  
Daryl nibbled his lip but smiled, ducking his head out of Rick's view before the other teen turned around.

With both of them not having any knowledge of Atlanta's gay or even bisexual scene, they decide to start at a pub famous with Rick's friends. It was more of a teen-friendly bar, with modern artists like Prince and Madonna on continuous rotation. There was a cloud of smoke over the dance-floor and in the corners where people congregated for the quick makeout session or pickup. Rick and Daryl stayed at the bar and observed the city kids, both highly amused at the faint smell of 'yuppy' money in their air that was reflected in the Hawaii Five-O inspired clothing the men wore as they danced with their new-wave looking beaus.  
A half hour was more than enough for them. They left a tip before bee-lining for the door, Rick suddenly bursting into laughter before Daryl followed.  
"God, could you imagine if we lived around here? They probably think we're out-of-touch bumpkins." Rick wrapped his arm around Daryl's shoulders to keep himself steady.  
"They probably think that already, but I'd rather be that then these.." he pauses as he watches a group of men - and possibly women - walk past with outrageous haircuts he's never seen before. "people."  
  
The next place was better, however not by much. Vanity was a proper club with better music but the stench of pretentious money all the same. The lineup took longer but they managed to slip in behind a group of guys that paid their way in.  
As they head to the bar, Rick nudged Daryl's arm, eyeing him playfully.  
"Be careful who sees you groping my ass, Daryl."  
Daryl raises his brow. "I ain't touching your ass."   
They turn and see a curly-haired blonde smiling at them with bright pink lips.  
"Wanna dance, cutie?"  
"Yeah!" Daryl grins, patting Rick's shoulder. "He definitely wants to dance."  
"I-" Suddenly Rick is dragged onto the dance-floor, shooting Daryl a look over his shoulder.  
The girl, "Becky", she insisted,was beautiful. With her black, shiny tights and loose red top, she would have been the kind of girl Rick would ask out on a date in a hot second. He isn't sure if it's because of Daryl in his presence or just how he feels now with Daryl, but he felt no attraction to her. Rick looked over to Daryl, who seemed to be thoroughly amused by his obviously awkward predicament and laughing behind his hand.  
"Is that your boyfriend?"  
Rick's head whipped back to Becky as she smiled. "It's cool, my best friend is gay, nearly everyone doesn't care around here."

Daryl tilted his head as he watched Becky lean close to Rick to say something in his ear before giving him a kiss on the cheek. He crossed his arms and smirked as Rick walked back over.  
"Well, that sunk quickly."  
"I got sprung. Turns out I have your name written all over my face." Rick grinned slowly. "She knew we were together."  
Daryl quirked his brow. "Really?"  
Rick nodded and smiled. "She gave me some names of places we might .. enjoy a bit more."

They wandered north a few blocks, keeping to themselves and taking in the sights, noting the atmosphere and the clothes changing pretty quickly as they walked past the different blocks. Daryl realised earlier than Rick they were entering the gay part of Atlanta when his ass was suddenly groped. It didn't take long though for Rick to see couples of the same sex holding hands, some with their arms wrapped around the other, the bars blasting more experimental music. With the more eclectic music came the eclectic hairstyles and clothes - leather being a big staple to everyone's wardrobe.  
"See?" Daryl leaned close to Rick's ear. "I fit in with my vest."  
Rick turned to a very proud Daryl and nudged him slightly. He suddenly noticed a group of burly men walking a little ahead of them, all sporting chains and leather - although some material seemed to be missing in more private areas.  
"There you go, Daryl. Get you some assless chaps too."  
Daryl raised his brows and smiled. "Maybe I should." Rick's eyes grew wide as Daryl jogged forward to halt the group.  
"'Scuse me, guys, but my boyfriend wants to get me some.. pants like yours." He smiled sweetly and motioned behind them to Rick.  
The group smile, some looking Daryl over and paying him little compliments. Rick beelined to his side and grabbed his elbow, staring at each member.  
"This is your boyfriend? Hot damn, you two are a nice little duo, aren'tcha." The bald-headed man in the middle replied.  
Rick's heart was racing, he was sure sweat painted his face. The men are easily stronger than both of them and  _could_ overpower them if something bad happened.  
Yet the men don't make any vulgar comments or offers. Instead they talk amongst each other to give Daryl a shop name then ask if they're going to dance.  
Rick and Daryl follow their new leather-clad friends to Spank, it's patrons living up to their name with mini sex toys in hand and very little clothing. The group climb up to the balcony to what the bald-headed man - that prefers going by 'Gina' out of work -  states as "their spot".  
Rick nudgeed Daryl to come to the dancefloor for a dance, but Daryl can't for the life of him dance to the Boy George or the New Order music playing.  
"By the end of the night, we're gettin' a dance." Rick smirked before Gina's boyfriend, Anthony, led him downstairs for a quick dance instead.   
"Looks like Rick gets no choice in the matter with Anthony." Gina chuckled as he watched the pair head downstairs.  
Daryl smirked, also watching them. After a few moments he feels Gina's eyes on him.  
"So you boys aren't from around here. Small town, right?" Daryl looked at him, nodding quickly before taking a cigarette when it's offered. "Yeah, I'm originally from a little shitbox of a town in Alabama, so I know that feelin'.."  
Daryl took a drag of his cigarette. "How did you get over to Atlanta..?"  
"Jus' travelin'. After my stepfather kicked me outta home at fifteen I just.. found my way over here slowly. Been here for about ten years or so, met Anthony about five years ago."  
Daryl glanced down at the dance-floor, watching Rick's awkward dance moves. "How'd you do it.. I mean, how do you.. "  
Gina watched him try to find the words. "Keep it a secret?" The older man smiled. "Anthony and I are doctors, we treat our work as our work and when we come home we're ourselves. Our friends are the ones you see around us right now. We've build our life here. At home I was a dirty fag and Anthony has no family no more." Daryl nodded slowly at that while nibbling at his thumb. He can feel Gina's eyes are on him again. "You boys been together long?"   
Daryl shook his head, not sure how to ask the next question. "How do you.. keep it secret?"  
Gina smiled. "You got a family back home?"  
Daryl slowly blew out the smoke. "Yeah.."  
"My advice, sweetie? Just do what you gotta do, trust your instinct. Small town'sa killer, especially when you're not straight." He motioned downstairs. "You trust him?"  
Daryl nodded, slowly staring down to Rick. "Yeah.."  
"That's good. All I can say is stay in school, _get your education_ , learn a skill, keep your nose outta trouble and support each other. Looks like you two aren't possessive - an'trust me - that helps a lot."   
Daryl listened carefully to the advice."We ain't any of that. We just.. do our thing then have our own thing. Never even been with a guy before."  
Gina hummed as he tapped his chin, looking Daryl over. "So.. neither of you have been with a man?"  
Daryl glanced quickly over at Gina, shaking his head. Gina's lip curled into a smile.  
"Damn, you boys do have it bad for each other. That's so cute."  
Daryl looked back at him, his brows furrowed. "What do you-"  
"I think you  _know_ what I'm getting at there, honeypie."  
Daryl wanted to as more but found himself distracted by the sound of a familiar beat. He looked up when he heard Rick's voice.  
"The DJ wanted  _something_ more than money for me to request this song, so you better get up and dance with me now, Dixon."  
Daryl chuckled and shook his head, stamping out his cigarette as Rick complained about Daryl's love for Sigue Sigue Sputnik to Anthony.  
"Oh shut  _up_." Daryl pushed Rick in front of him as they head down the stairs to the dancefloor, with Daryl bouncing up and down and flicking his hair around as he bopped with the beat. Rick grinned, wrapping his arms around Daryl's waist and keep him still for two seconds.   
"You say I'm an awful dancer!"  
Daryl looked at Rick through his hair, smirking. "You are!" He stopped and smoothed his hair back, hooking his arm around Rick's neck. "Thanks.."  
Rick smiled, tilting his head slightly in confusion. "For what?"  
Daryl shrugged. "Y'know.."  
"Nooo?"  
Daryl smirked and nudged Rick as he continued playfully asking for an answer. "Thank you for being an idiot!"  
Rick laughed. "Yeah but I'm  _your_ idiot!"  
Both teenagers fell silent, the meaning of those words swirling around them. Daryl lightly bit his bottom lip as he pushed the sweat-soaked curls off Rick's forehead, too shy to look back at him. Rick touched the side of Daryl's face and tilted his chin down with his thumb, waiting for Daryl to look at him. Daryl's eyes scan over Rick's face before he slowly looks at him in the eye.  
Rick muttered something but it's too quiet for Daryl to hear over the music and he was too nervous to ask what he said. Instead he closed the distance and slowly kissed him, his lips pressed firmly against Rick's soft, full lips. He felt Rick's hand go into his hair while his own hands gripped onto Rick with a sudden need.

He wanted to sell his soul to anyone who wanted it, just to stay in this moment. He would gladly go to hell - like his father and others said 'fags' would - just to stay here.  
It was nice to finally be somewhere he wanted to be; without fear, without having to think about the next second. 

Maybe even  _he_ deserved happiness too.


	18. I Will Burn For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Formatting issues all gone!

 [[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

Winter fell upon the land like an unwelcome guest. One of the first supplies needed were things to keep everyone warm. The nights where they couldn't find shelter from the weather they cocooned themselves in blankets and huddled close together. Sleet came, fortunately no snow. The group had perfected a supply squad as well as ways to go house to house, while some of the others perfected their skills with firearms and anything that could be a handheld weapon.  
Sometimes they would go a day without a proper feed, but Daryl would always manage to find them something as a source of protein. If it wasn't enough he would give Lori his share freely.  
He rarely went alone for a hunt, a supply run or a scope around. Carol would accompany him but most times it was Rick. Sometimes they would walk silently next to each other, other times they wouldn't stop talking, with most of the conversations involving the next supply run, their next destination, the best way to make a snare.  
As the months went on the group would look to Daryl for advice, especially when Rick was off having a chat to Carl. When they were huddled together in the nights, Rick and Carol made sure he was close by.  
It took a few months, but Daryl had realised that these people weren't just wanting him for his hunting skills or to be an errand boy; they actually  _wanted_ him around, they enjoyed his company. The biggest surprise was Carl's insistence to join Daryl any chance he could. The Daryl near Atlanta or even the farm would have dismissed him; told him to run back to his mum and dad, or would have said something to hurt the boy so he would stay away. However as he grew closer to the group, he grew closer to Rick's son; either walking silently around or Carl asking him a few questions, always letting Daryl know he can tell him when he's being too intrusive.  
Daryl hadn't really known Carl for too long, but he could see how quickly he was maturing. 

 

Rick had noticed the relationship between Carl and Daryl the few weeks prior. It was the only thing that made him happy most days, especially when the pair would be out of earshot but Rick could still see them. Carl would say something - Rick wasn't sure what - but he would see a small smirk creep across Daryl's face, or his eyes soften.  
"Daryl's really cool, y'know?" Carl had said to him once while they were scoping a small neighbourhood. Rick had smiled at him and asked if he was cooler than Daryl. 'Hell no' being the immediate reply.  
  


In the colder part of the winter, Daryl and Rick had gone hunting while the group kept a fire going in the middle of an abandoned garage. They had found a small convenience store that had been cleaned out completely apart from a few packets of gum. Daryl had watched Rick for a few moments as they left the store.  
  
"I could have left.."

Nothing had been said to bring on the confession. Rick had looked at him with worry etched into his face, unsure why Daryl would leave them.   
He felt self-conscious with Rick looking at him like that, but it was too late to backtrack.  
"Back then.. I could have bailed.. found somewhere else to live.. gone to Atlanta."  
He kept his eyes on Rick only to gauge what he was thinking. There was relief followed by the man's search for words to comfort him. There was guilt still lingering there as well.  
After that day it seemed like they were finding it easier than before to talk, sometimes they would suggest the same thing to the group, even down to the same phrases. Carl had noticed they would move in sync and communicate without saying anything.  
  


After the worst of winter had past, Daryl started showing Carl how to hunt squirrels. They had caught their fourth for the day and started heading back to camp when Carl changed the conversation.  
"My dad always says good stuff about you. Even back at the farm, even the CDC, I think.. said you were a good man.."  
Daryl didn't know what to say to that. He saw the boys eyes look up at him for an answer. "Your dad is right." He said with a straight face as Carl grinned.  
  


As Rick and Daryl grew closer and relied on each other more though, Rick's relationship with Lori had waned. Her pregnant stomach swelled and while he was excited for Carl to have a sibling, his nerves over the birth and the child itself overtook him on their desperate days. When he looked at Lori he would see Shane. Even though she tried to get him to confide in her with eyes showing only love, he would think about the way she looked at him the day she confessed to killing Shane. There was so much fear in his wife's eyes, she had never doubted him until that day. The sight re-branded itself into his eyelids every night as he tried to sleep.

 

Spring was starting to settle in when Rick and Daryl had stumbled upon the prison. They walked along old train tracks when out of no where, there it was. Apart from some openings in the fence and the walkers mindlessly shuffling around the yard, the prison looked untouched.  
"That's a shame.." Daryl murmured.  
However Rick saw it in all of it's glory. It was like it fell in their lap. Everything from the small river to the watchtowers looking over the land and to the woods; it made his heart burst with life.  
It was perfect.

  
They quickly made their way back to the group and told them the good news. Rick was finally happy to give his family - which extended to everyone - something that made their eyes light up.  
  
The group didn't waste time. Like a well-oiled machine they grab the cars that still ran and make their way through, Glenn and Daryl quickly mending the fence before jogging along to the side gate, staying to the middle of the path and away from the now alerted walkers along the fence.  
Rick looks around before eyeing the inner gate.   
"If we can shut that gate, prevent more from filling the yard, we can pick off these walkers. We'll take the field by tonight."  
"So how do we shut the gate?" Hershel wipes the sweat from his eye.  
"I'll do it." Glenn nods. "You guys cover me."  
Maggie shakes her head. "No. It's a suicide run."  
"I'm the fastest."  
"No." Rick steps closer. "You, Maggie, and Beth draw as many as you can over there. Pop 'em through the fence. Daryl, go back to the other tower. Carol, you've become a pretty good shot. Take your time, we don't have a lot of ammo to waste. Hershel, you and Carl take this tower. I'll run for the gate."  
As the others scatter around to distract the walkers and kill them one-by-one, Lori slowly opens the gate for Rick and he slips through quietly. He shoots ones closest to him as he quickly makes his way to the inner gate, while Carol and Daryl covering him from the nearest tower. He slides the inner gate shut then makes his way to the central watchtower  
Carol smiles."He did it!"  
Daryl gives them the signal and the group start eliminating all the walkers from the yard with firepower. After Rick takes down the last walker he stills, taking in the silence along with a long, relaxed sigh.  
The group come down from the watchtowers and meet up with Rick.  
"We haven't had this much space since we left the farm!" Carol happily exclaims.

They camp out in the large yard, deciding to enjoy the peace and security for now. T-Dog glances over at Hershel then Lori.  
"Tomorrow we'll put all the bodies together. Want to keep them away from that water.  
Now, if we can dig a canal under the fence, we'll have plenty of fresh water."  
Hershel nods. "The soil is good, we could plant some seed. Grow some tomatoes, cucumbers, soybeans." He follows Lori's gaze towards the fence line and sees Rick walking the perimeter. "That's his third time around. If there was any part of it compromised, he'd have found it by now."   
  
Daryl was on watch at the main entrance, staring out to the woods. He would glance over at Rick as he heard him come along the fence line, the fourth time he was ready to say something when he turned and saw Carol jump up to join him on top of the car.  
"It's not much, but if I don't bring you something, you won't eat at all."   
He takes the small pieces of food and pops them into his mouth, glancing back at Lori.  
"I guess Little Shane over there has got quite the appetite." It was off-the-cuff and not the way he really spoke anymore, but he wanted to see if Carol's reluctance to follow Rick had gone.  
"Don't be mean." She smiles. "Rick's gotten us a lot farther than I ever thought he would, I'll give him that." Carol pauses. "Shane could never have done that."  
Daryl felt relieved to hear that. He had grown close to Carol and didn't want her to leave; he didn't want anyone to leave, or die.   
  
After she left to rejoin the group by the fire he once again hears the sound of heavy boots. He knew  _that_ was Rick. Daryl decides against trying to reassure him the fence is sealed because it wouldn't matter, Rick would go around and around all night until he himself felt it were safe enough.  
"You eaten yet?"  
Rick shakes his head, looking through the fence at the treeline. Daryl offers him the rest of his meal but the other man refuses. "I'll grab some when I go back." He murmurs.  
A moment or two slip past before Rick lets out a huff and smirks. "Can't wait to have a shower."  
Daryl scoffs quietly. "Yeah you stink. Your last name has ' _grime_ ' in it, don't it?"  
Rick looks at him before smiling slowly. "You're no bouquet of flowers either, Dixon."  
Daryl licks his fingers clean, his hand covering a little smile, although Rick sees it. Slowly he reaches over and give Daryl's arm a pat before gently squeezing it. He wants to say something, but he doesn't know what. His brain just.. stops. He was stuck standing there, his hand on Daryl's arm, with Daryl just as still and staring Rick in the eye. Rick finally drops his hand and both men shift in place.  
"I'll be takin' watch tonight, make sure you come back and get rest soon." Rick watches Daryl quickly nod before slipping off the car and walking back to the camp with his hands shoved in his pockets.  
He makes sure his head was in a different space as he approaches the group. He gives a half-smile to Carl as he crouches down and eats, not really chewing his food or savouring the taste. He listenes to Maggie and Beth sing sweetly, the voices so gentle and delicate, their smiles illuminated by the fire.  
The song finishes, leaving everyone relaxed. Rick tells everyone it is best to get some sleep before tomorrow.  
Glenn looks over at him, confused. "What do you mean?"  
"Look, I know we're all exhausted. This was a great win, but we've got to push just a little bit more. Most of the walkers are dressed as guards and prisoners, looks like this place fell pretty early. It could mean the supplies may be intact. They'd have an infirmary, a commissary."  
Daryl moves out from the shadows. "An armory?"  
Rick looks up at him, giving him a curt nod. "That would be outside the prison itself, but not too far away. Warden's offices would have info on the location. Weapons, food, medicine. This place could be a  _gold mine_."  
"We're dangerously low on ammo." Hershel spoke slowly. "We'd run out before we make a dent."  
Rick nods slowly. "That's why we have to go in there.. hand to hand. After all we've been through, we can handle it, I know it." He looks at Carl and smiles slightly. "These assholes don't stand a chance." Carl smiles back at him.  
  
Rick slowly gets up to start the watch but hears someone approaching him. He half turns and sees Lori a few feet away from him, her hand resting over her pregnant stomach.  
"I appreciate everything you're doing - and we all do - but it's been a death march and they're exhausted." She starts to whisper. "Can we just enjoy it for a few days?"  
Rick frowns in thought as he takes in her request. "Baby will be here in a few days. There's no time for a picnic."  
"No, but it's time to get the house in order."  
His brows furrow. "What do you think I'm doing?"   
Lori swallows thickly. "You're absolute best."  
Rick sighs. "Don't patronize me."  
She follows him as he starts walking away. "I'm not. I'm just saying the baby is about to be here - and we need to talk about-"  
Rick stops in his tracks and turns back to look at her, his eyes hard.   
"About what?"   
Lori eyes trace his face. "Things... we've been avoiding-"   
"You want to talk? Talk to Hershel. I'm doing stuff, Lori.  _Things_. Isn't that enough?" He realises she isn't sure how to answer, and his voice softens. "I'm still here."  
She closes her eyes for a moment and nods. "You're right. I'm sorry."  
Lori gazes into Rick's eyes, hoping for a touch, even a brush of his hand against hers, just some physical comfort. Instead, Rick steps back before turning around and heading to the watch post.  
  


Rick didn't move from the post that night, even when Daryl came to relieve him a few hours later. He slept on the hood as Daryl stood on top of the car, watching over him.  
  
  


The morning sky showed Rick signs that today would be a great day, with white, harmless clouds dotted in the blue sky. The team regrouped and ate before Hershel, Carl, Carol, Beth and Lori lined along the fence to distract walkers while the rest of the group ventured into the inner prison grounds.  Facing outwards in a tight circle, Rick, Daryl, Maggie, Glenn and T-Dog slowly make their way to the central part of the prison, killing walkers in prison jumpsuits, riot gear as well as some that seem to be civilians. After clearing out the walkway and locking up walkers in a fenced off courtyard they give the team along the fence the okay to come in.  
"Well, it looks secure." Glenn sighs, relieved.  
Daryl motions over to where the locked-up walkers are. "Nothing will lead to that courtyard over there." He then points to one of the slain walkers. "And that's a civilian."  
T-Dog leans heavily against the wall. "So the interior could be over run by walkers from outside the prison?"  
"Well, if there's walls down then what are we gonna do? We can't rebuild this whole place."  
Rick looks around. "We can't risk a blind spot. We have to push in."  
Daryl, T-Dog, Glenn and Maggie follow him in through the gate to cell block C.  
After finding a set of keys on a dead warden, the group cautiously move through each cell, killing any walkers before clearing them out and bringing the rest of the group and the few belongings they have inside. It's not much, but it's secure shelter, something they all collectively had dreamed about since the farm.  
Everyone bunks in pairs in the cells upstairs while Daryl prefers staying out on the landing. As everyone quickly settles in and takes the time to enjoy the peace, Rick slowly walks along the cells downstairs.   
He hasn't felt the knots in his neck for months, but he's sure he will feel them in a few days. As he slides down the wall he listens to the silence. His mind, still wired and his heart - exhausted from not just the past winter, but before Sophia went missing - still unable to produce a steady, calm beat. He wonders if his body could ever get used to the idea of peace or a simple life again.  
After a few minutes his body becomes heavy  though his mind is still alert, especially when he hears a shuffling movement from the landing upstairs. He has just enough energy to tilt his head up and look up at Daryl. The man is watching him, he knows he's concerned. Daryl  _concerned for him_. It would have been a ludicrous thought months ago. Rick tries to give some sort of reassuring smile but he isn't sure if it his face actually shows it at first, then Daryl eyes him before giving a reluctant nod, a strand of his now longer and darker hair flopping in front of his face.  
Rick fell asleep with the imagine of that in his mind.

 

"Not bad." Daryl nods, impressed with just the little stash Rick and Glenn manage to find around the cell block.  
"Flashbangs, CS Triple-Chasers. Not sure how they'd work on walkers, but we'll take it."  
Daryl picks up one of the helmets, eyeing it. "I ain't wearing this shit."  
"We could boil 'em." T-Dog turns a boot upstairs down, pouring questionable green contents on the ground.  
"Ain't enough firewood in the whole forest. Besides, we made it this far without 'em, right?"  
Carol steps into the doorway, watching them before asking for Hershel.  
Rick looks over at her. "Everything all right?"   
"Yeah. Nothing to worry about."  
Rick eyes are on Hershel as he leaves, the stirring of worry filling his stomach. Daryl watches him before stepping closer. "Hey.. she's goin' to be fine."  
Rick gazes at him before nodding slowly.  
Rick and Daryl decide that T-Dog, Hershel, Glenn and Maggie should wear the riot gear, helping them get strapped up before heading in search of the cafeteria.  
  
Using the flashlights they have, the group move slowly through the pitch black hallways. The first dead bodies they come across have been ripped apart, not having made it to the reanimation process. They continue down the dark cell block, the only sources of sound are the dripping from small ceiling pipes and Glenn spray painting arrows so they can find their way back. Sometimes even Rick can't hear Daryl behind him. As they come to the end of the block they turn the corner as a small pack of walkers move through, the beings turning their heads towards the source of light simultaneously before moving towards them.   
The group double back, attempting making their way back by looking at the signs while trying to keep lights on all directions, weaving their way back through the labyrinth of hallways before finding a place to regroup. As Rick shines his light over the group, something hits him and sets a panic through his body.  
"Where's Glenn and Maggie?"  
Hershel's eyes widen. "We have to go back."  
"But which way?"  
Rick listens to make sure there's a long enough period of silence before going back out into the hallway, the rest following closely behind. Using the arrows, Rick and Daryl look around ahead of Hershel as he whispers Maggie's name. As Rick looks behind him to see where Hershel is he hears a male's voice cry out. The men run towards the sound of find Hershel collapsing to the ground, a walker having ripped the flesh from his lower leg. Rick quickly aims his gun and shoots the walker dead before he hears Maggie and Glenn run from around the corner. Rick and Glenn help carry Hershel away, his screams having alerted the walkers to where they are. Daryl covers the back of the group, using the arrows he has to kill the ones closest to them though it doesn't have much effect.   
"We're blocked! We have to go back!"  
T-Dog breaks open a locked door and the group rush in, Rick and Glenn laying Hershel down on the ground while T-Dog and Daryl try to lock the doors. Rick looks over Hershel, seeing that the man is going into shock, his wound bleeding profusely.  
Rick looks over at his axe then at Hershel's leg. An idea hits him. It makes him feel sick, but he doesn't have time to think of anything else.  
"Only one way to keep you alive."  
He grabs the axe, swallowing hard as he looks up at Hershel before looking down at the man's leg. He bites the inside of his mouth as he swings the axe down, a gut-wrenching sound erupting from Hershel's throat. The axe is too small for one and even two swings. Rick brings it down hard for the third time and cuts through the remaining bone and muscle completely.  
Rick drops the axe like it suddenly caught alight, his eyes landing on the amputated leg and the blood pulsating from it.  
"He's bleeding out."  
Daryl looks up at him, his eyes suddenly narrowing.  
" _Duck_."  
Without missing a beat Rick ducks his head, looking behind him when Daryl stands up with his crossbow aimed at something.  
He stares at the five inmates on the other side of a protected gate staring back at them with wide eyes.


	19. I Will Burn For You Too

[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)] 

 

 

Formatting is being a douchebag AGAIN. [Chapter is up on Tumblah](http://hawkeyematingcall.tumblr.com/post/112743906280/we-shall-grow-old-ch-19-i-will-burn-for-you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to end all that prisoner bulk with a little shower scene huehuehueee
> 
> I was going to omit this whole episode and just briefly talk about Axel and Oscar and what happened, but I think it's important to see the first real outside human threat to the group, and Rick's actions (teamed with Daryl's new-found loyalty)
> 
> I'm still recovering from my bday yesterday- I ate so much and re-watching walking dead kill scenes was interesting.
> 
> I have Qs to reply to on my tumblr, so if you have any yourself, just go to hawkeyematingcall.tumblr.com, I'll be answering them when I return in an hour!


	20. Heard It Through The Grapevine

[[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

The next few days go smoothly as the group get into a rhythm and start to settle in at the prison. With Hershel back to his normal self and getting used to his crutches, Maggie and Beth seem on cloud nine. The good energy has a domino effect on everyone, including Daryl and Rick. They take their rounds walking the fence perimeters together, do all watches together, even start to shower around the same time. While Daryl goes to hunt or run supplies though, Rick stays close to the prison to keep his eye on Lori. He feels like the thread between him and his wife that is now so frayed and broken will never be good again, but he will try. All he can do is try.

This morning - as Carol, T-Dog, Daryl and him have a laugh at Glenn and Maggie's amorous use of one of the guard towers - he (and all of the group for that matter) did not know how differently this day would end.

Axel and Oscar had come over to their area again, pleading to join their group. With the fence down on the other side of the prison, the men feel that they are dead men walking.  
"Are you serious?" Rick murmurs to T-Dog, with Daryl, Carol, Glenn and Maggie watching on. "You want them living in a cell next to you? They'll just be waiting for a chance to grab our weapons. You want to go back to sleeping with one eye open?"  
"I never stopped." T-Dog says calmly. "Bring them into the fold. If we send them off packing, we might as well execute them ourselves."  
"I don't know. Axel seems a little unstable." Glenn looks over at the two prisoners.  
"After all we've been through?" Carol's voice is soft but firm. "We fought so hard for all this, what if they decide to take it?  
Maggie agrees, shrugging. "It's just been us for so long. They're strangers. I don't.. it feels weird all of a sudden to have these other people around."  
"You brought us in." T-Dog reminds her.  
"Yeah, but you turned up with a shot boy in your arms. Didn't give us a choice."  
"They're convicts, bottom line." Carol reminds T-Dog as well.  
"Those two might actually have less blood on their hands than we do."  
"I get guys like this." Daryl glances at T-Dog, then around the group. "Hell, I grew up with them. They're degenerates, but they ain't psychos. I could have been with them just as easy as I am out here with you, guys."  
"So are you with me?"  
"Hell no. Let 'em take their chances out on the road - just like we did."  
Rick looks at T-Dog."When I was a rookie, I arrested this kid. Nineteen years old. Wanted for stabbing his girlfriend. The kid blubbered like a baby during the interrogation, during the trial - suckered the jury. He was acquitted due to insufficient evidence, and in 2 weeks later shot another girl. We've been through too much. Our deal with them stands."  
Rick leaves it at that.  
  
They get the cars ready at the outer gate in case they ever need to evacuate or need more than one car for a supply run and to get rid of bodies as to not contaminate their crop soil.  
As Glenn, Rick and Daryl bring wood in from the other side of the fence, they look up to the prison yard and see the women helping Hershel with his crutches.  
"He is one tough son of a bitch." Glenn smiles as he calls out. "All right, Hershel!" "Shh! Keep your cheers down." Daryl motions behind them to the walkers slowly approaching the fence.  
The other man sighs, watching them. "Oh, man. Can't we just have one good day?"     
Rick watches from the fence, and as Lori looks over at him, he gives her a little nod and a smile. It's his silent thank you, and he hopes to show her how appreciative he is of everything she's done. Appreciative of her.  
Carl looks between them and his lips curl into a smile, almost distracted by the sound of snarling nearby.  
  


" _Walker_!"

  
Rick and Daryl sprint as fast as they can around to the inner yard while Glenn stays to tie up the hole in the fence. Beth helps Hershel to an enclosed entrance to a block while Lori and Carl start shooting the walkers. Carol, T-Dog and Maggie run around to Lori and Carl's aid, helping shoot down the walkers. Maggie looks at the walkers still approaching and realises Lori and Carl could be in even more danger. She yells for Lori to come over to her at their cell block entrance as T-Dog and Carol advance on the walker herd, shooting their way through. As Glenn catches up to Daryl and Rick, he throws Rick the keys. His hands are trembling and he quickly becomes angry with himself as he continually misses the keyhole, but manages to unlock the outer fence and bark at the prisoners to get out of his way as he unlocks the inner gate. When they get to the yard there aren't many walkers left and no one around besides Beth and Hershel, still behind the fenced entrance.  
"What the hell happened?" Rick barks as he shoots at a walker on the way to Hershel and Beth.  
"The gate was open!" Beth can't give more of an answer, still shocked and scared over what happened.  
"Where's Lori, Carl -  everyone else?"  
Hershel points to the other nearby cell block. "Maggie led Lori and Carl into C block."  
"And T was bit!"  
"Anyone else?" Rick doesn't have time to really process the information.  
"I couldn't tell."  
"Stay put!"  
Glenn, Rick and Daryl kill the remaining walkers left roaming before Glenn runs over to Rick.   
"Those chains didn't break on their own. Someone took an axe or cutters to 'em."  
The men look over at Oscar and Axel still over at the inner gate to the yard.  
"You think they did it?"  
Rick glares at them, his voice lowering. "Who else."  
  
The sound of the prison alarm suddenly comes alive, blaring out around the prison and into the field.  
Rick throws the keys to Daryl as Glenn and him shoot at the speakers around them. Their efforts seem useless though, as walkers from the outer field start moving their way, dragging their decayed, almost limp bodies to the fence, pawing at the steel.   
Rick marches up to the prisoners, aiming his gun at Oscar.  
"How the hell could this be happening?"  
"Woah woah woah!" Oscar raises his hands. "It has to be the backup generators."  
"How do you turn those on?"   
"There's three that's connected to a diesel tank, okay? Each one controls a certain part of the prison. The hatch shut them all off when the prison was overrun!"  
"Can someone open up the main gates electronically, with full power?"  
"I only went in a few days. I guess it might be possible."  
"Come with us!"  
Rick doesn't give the man a choice, grabbing at the front of his prison jumpsuit and tugging him along. He needs to turn the alarm off. He needs to find Lori and Carl.

They run back to their cell block and shoot walkers that have made their way in. Rick yells out for Lori, then Carl, but nothing.   
He doesn't know how all of this happened, but it isn't just a coincidence it all happened at the same time.  
This is the work of someone.  
Rick decides that they must push forward and find the rest of the group if they've gone deeper into the prison and if someone makes it to the generators first to shut them off.  
Daryl and Oscar follow Rick to the generating room, narrowly missing walkers along the way. While Daryl leans against the door with all of his weight, Oscar starts turning off the generators before rushing back to help Daryl.  
  


For a millisecond, Rick seems him.

  
Rick almost gets an axe to the head, and he only sees the sharp end of the weapon at first before his eyes re-focus.  
It's the young, loyal prisoner. He should have died where Rick left him in that courtyard full of walkers. Rick heard his screams.  
But the man isn't a ghost; he still lives. The prisoner lunges at him, the handle of the axe almost pressing into Rick's neck.  
But Rick isn't the hunted.  
He let's the fuel for his family and for his own survival take over, pushing back against the smaller prisoner and slamming him against the wall, then into the lockers. The prisoner is able to swing the butt of the axe to Rick's face. Rick pulls out his gun but he's kicked to the floor and his gun falls away from him. Suddenly he feels the prisoner's weight on top of him and the wrestle, trying to drag each other away from the gun, but before Rick can grab it, Oscar picks it up. As Rick and the other prisoner rise to their feet it aims the gun at Rick.  
Being killed with his own gun wasn't part of Rick's plan.  
Oscar's face looks torn as he stares at Rick as the other prisoner coaxes him to shoot Rick, to take back what's theirs. Rick can see the man mulling it over with a pained expression on his face as he weighs the options. Rick doesn't blame him if he decides to go with his friend and kill him.  
A single shot is fired.

  
With the walkers on the other side of the door taken care of, he pulls his knife out and slowly creeps over to Oscar. The man hasn't moved, his eyes still wide and his gun still aimed. As Daryl's eyes dart over to where the gun is aimed, a relief washes over him.   
Rick is still alive and standing.  
Oscar slowly turns the gun around, offering it to Rick. With his heart beating up in his throat, Daryl watches Rick slowly take the gun and nod appreciatively at the man before moving over to the generator console and shut the alarms off permanently.   
All three men breathe a sigh of relief as they leave the generator room.  
  


As they make their way back through the dark hallways, they meet up with Glenn and Axel. The men are silently relieved that everyone is okay and the alarm has silenced.  
Rick leads the group down a hallway that has just enough light to see two walkers stuffing their sickly mouths with a fresh body, but as they move closer to kill the walkers, they realise the body is of one of their own. T-Dog.  
Rick looks away as T-Dog's weight hits him in the stomach, while Daryl notices a scarf at his feet. Carol had been using wrapping them around her head to cool her head and keep her hair off her head.   
It looks like hers. It is hers.  
Rick watches Daryl pick it up and hold the bodied material in his hands. When the other man looks up, they share the same heavy look.  
  
The group run back into the yard to where Hershel and Beth still anxiously wait. At first both father and daughter are relieved to see so many people return, but still aren't sure about the fate of the others.  
"You didn't find them?" Hershel calls out to Rick as they come closer.  
"We thought maybe they came back out here." Glenn replies, also worried about Maggie, especially when Beth quickly shakes her head.  
"What about T? Carol?"  
Rick shakes his head while Daryl informs them that both didn't make it.  
Rick turns to him, his face lowered and voice raspy. "That doesn't mean the others didn't. We're going back. Daryl and Glenn, you come with-"  
Rick stops when he hears the coos of a baby. He turns around as Carl and Maggie emerge from the gated entrance, his newborn cradled in the young woman's arms. Her face is barely holding the onslaught of tears she wants to cry. The tears aren't ones of happiness. Her legs trembling as she takes small steps over to Rick.  
He hesitantly moves over to Maggie, dropping the axe on the way. The most morbid of thoughts rush to his mind but denial and confusion try to block it.  
The young woman is trying so hard to choke the words out - any words - her face of utter despair.  
No.   
This can't happen.  
"Where.. where is she.."  
Maggie stutters over the same letter, trying with all she has to force the words out. He tries walking past her to the cell block but she grabs his arm and begs him to not go.  
This isn't how it's supposed to go.  
He leans down to look at his son's face, obscured by his officer's hat from too long ago. Carl is still frozen, his skin pale.  
Rick only realises now that his son is silent, frozen in place as he holds his gun, wet blood stain his hands.  
There's a man somewhere repeating "no" over and over again. He sounds in pain. He sounds like a wounded dog. The man crumples to the ground, sobbing.  
Rick doesn't realise the man is himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well THAT was just as painful as watching the end scene all over again. Let's get this angst feeling away soon so we can have man-on-man feelings once more. FOR REAL.
> 
> Also seriously, like, if I were in charge of everything, I would have given Andy and Lauren some serious awards just for that last scene alone.
> 
> Okay last note- As usual I added the song this ch. title is from the 8tracks playlist and I think it strangely fits with this end dynamic of Lori-Rick-Daryl. The version I chose is my favourite, by the Doug Anthony Allstars/D.A.A.S


	21. Where Oh Where Could He Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a newborn desperate for food and Rick becoming unhinged, Daryl must step up for the baby and the group.

 

 [[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

"Rick, are you with me?... Rick?"  
Daryl slowly waves his hand in front of Rick as the man sits on the ground, his eyes unfocused. He hasn't said anything or moved from the ground.  
With the baby uncleaned and crying for food and it's father in a state, Hershel checks it over. 

Daryl walks over to him. "We need to feed it, we got anything that a baby can eat?"  
"The good news is that she looks healthy."  
For a second, Daryl wishes Rick could hear that he has a daughter, a healthy daughter.   
"But she needs formula, and soon, or she won't survive."  
Daryl looks at the little, crying baby. He shakes his head.  
"No. No way. Not her." He swings his crossbow over his shoulder. "We ain't losing anybody else. I'm goin' for a run."  
"I'll back you up." Maggie immediately replies, a tremor still in her voice.  
  
Before they leave he pulls Beth aside as asks her to look after Carl. He quickly glances over to the boy as he holds his newborn sister. Even though he also lost his mother suddenly, Daryl can't begin to fathom how much the boy is hurting.   
Beth gives him her word.  
As Daryl coordinates everyone around he hears Maggie call out for Rick. He looks over and sees the man suddenly get up and grab the axe, heading into the cell block Maggie and Carl came out of.

  
Baby.  
He needs to look after the baby first, then Rick.

Daryl and Maggie slip onto his bike, not losing any time or light as they quickly speed off.

 

They wind through the narrow, less debris-filled roads until they find a small daycare, the only thing now giving it away is the rusted swing set in the yard. Without many choices, Maggie and Daryl venture inside.   
The daycare is quiet, full of memories from what seem like a century ago, the musty air filling Daryl's nostrils as he silently steps into a room. As Maggie cleans out the cupboards, his eyes land on the large wall filled with little paper hand prints. He steps closer, scanning over the names scrawled on each of the hands, until his eyes land on one belonging to a Sofie.  
He ignores emptiness he feels at how it's one letter away from Sophia.  
  
  
They arrive back at the prison long after the sun has set. The baby has been cleaned yet still cries out. As Maggie and Beth quickly make up some formula in a bottle, Daryl gingerly takes the baby from Carl, hushing gently as he positions her in his arms. He takes the bottle from Beth when it's ready, holding it as the baby quietens as she feeds for the first time - and it's in his arms. He can't help but smile a little, especially when he looks up and sees everyone happily watching him with silent encouragement.  
For a second, they all forget the pain the day brought.  
Daryl looks at Carl as the young boy stares at his sister. "She got a name yet?"   
"Mm, not yet, but I was thinking... maybe Sofia. There's Carol too."  
He mentions the names of women they have lost. Andrea. Amy. Jacqui. Patricia.  
"Or.. Lori.. I don't know.."   
Daryl can see the boy is numb. He knows what it looks like, how it feels. Gazing down at the baby, he tries to make it light, at least help Carl feel not-so heavy.  
"You like that, huh? Little asskicker?"  
He looks up as everyone starts having a laugh. Carl smiles, and in turn it makes Daryl smile. He looks down at Little Asskicker as she seems more than content feeding in his arms, something he never thought in this world would _ever_ happen.  
"You like that, huh? You like that, sweetheart?"  
  
As he gently rocks her to sleep in his arms, he wishes Rick was here to see her. To see him hold her, and to hold her himself.

He had to find Rick and bring him back.

 

As dawn rises for a new day he goes into the field and finds what he was looking for. He comes back into the outer yard and walks over to the cross they put in the field for her and T-Dog, laying a Cherokee Rose down in front of her cross. That empty feeling he felt at the daycare the day before comes back, but he doesn't push it aside with anger or another distraction for a moment, just gives himself time to feel it.  
To lose Carol wounded him more than he thought it would. She had faith in him when other's didn't, she fought for him and recognised his effort in finding Sophia. Losing her burned in the pit of his stomach.  
He can't lose anyone else.  
He can't lose Rick. Not again. Not ever again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom POW! Short chapter, I know, but the feeling of time feeling long for these two little lovenuggets is essential.. and I promise I'm not doing it to make you more frustrated *winkwonk*
> 
> Also I've had so many lovely comments, thank you all so much. There's some I've been meaning to reply to and I will once I return home later! *SQUISH*


	22. Losing Ground (I’m Reaching For You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl goes to find a deranged and mourning Rick, and try to bring him back to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, I need more Daryl and Carl/Judy interactions in the series, my heart depends on it.

 [[Tunes](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

Daryl Dixon never thought highly of himself. He never had much reason to. He was a living, breathing punching bag. Something you brought out of a dark basement to torture and yell abuse at.  
Yet one thing he thought he could offer was loyalty when it was earned. Protectiveness was another. If you earned Daryl's loyalty, you had your own hawk, watching over your shoulder.

After Glenn returned from seeing Rick, visibly shaken after being roughed up by Rick while in his still-delirious state, Daryl decided not to venture to find him just yet. But he stayed loyal, even from afar. It extended to Rick's children too.  
He didn't think himself a singer, but when everyone was preoccupied or when he'd offer to put the baby to bed, he would whisper the softest of songs that he remembered. Little asskicker would look up at him with so much trust in her eyes before she fell asleep. It awoke a feeling inside of him, but didn't know what it was exactly. All he knew was it filled his chest that he thought he might levitate off the ground.  
His protectiveness streak had come out as he watched over Carl. The boy hadn't cried, or screamed, or became reckless since his mother's passing. He didn't know how to say he was there for him for anything he might need, even an ear to listen.  
Yet he sat and watched over him like they all were.

 

Another day had past when Rick finally emerged. Having showered and put on a fresh pair of clothes, Daryl at first thought that maybe he was ready to move forward.  
"Everybody okay?"  
"Yeah.." Carl appears relieved to see his father.  
Rick ducks his head to look around at the ground. He'still reserved, tense. "I cleared out the boiler block."  
"How many were there?" Rick watches Rick's face as he asks.  
"I don't know. A dozen, two dozen. I have to get back, just wanted to check on Carl." Rick gently pats Carl shoulder. The kid looks down at his bowl, his face covered from the officer's hat.  
Glenn stands up, his voice in its usual gentle tone. "Rick, we can handle taking out the bodies. You don't have to."  
"No, I do." Rick frowns, looking at Glenn and nodding. He moves over to the stairs, standing in front of Daryl. "Everyone have a gun and a knife?"  
Daryl gazes up at him. "Yeah. We're running low on ammo, though."  
"Maggie and me were planning on making a run this afternoon. Found a phone book with some places we can hit, look for bullets and formula."  
"We cleared out the generator room. Axel's there trying to fix it in case of emergency. We're gonna sweep the lower levels as well." Daryl adds.  
"Good, good." With that, Rick walks back out, ignoring Hershel calling after him.

 

Hershel had quietly gone a few minutes later to check up on Rick. Daryl patiently waited near the gated door for the old man's return, and when he did he pulled Daryl to the side.  
"Rick believes people have been calling the phone that's down there. People that have a community."  
Daryl shrugs slightly. "And?"  
"And there was just static on the other end.."  
Daryl stares at Hershel. The older man's voice became slower than usual. "While I don't think it's best if everyone continues giving him some space, perhaps hearing from you might make this a bit easier on him.."  
Daryl isn't sure if his presence will have any impact on Rick, especially if he's in such a delusional state. He'll try though, it's the only thing he can do.  
Before he leaves, Hershel gently holds his shoulder. "He didn't want anyone to know about the phone conversation yet, so perhaps leave that out that you know."

He slowly makes his way down to the boiler block. As he opens the door he can hear the drumming of fingers against a hard surface. Daryl stands atop of the stairs, gazing down at Rick in deep thought, his eyes locked on the phone in front of him.  
This isn't a good idea at all.  
As he adjusts his crossbow sling and turns around to walk back out the drumming stops. Daryl looks over his shoulder and sees steel-blue eyes staring up at him. They're still slightly unfocused, but his face was soft. Daryl's mouth twitches ever-so slightly as he contemplates opening the door and leaving him, but something about Rick's eyes makes him want to stay - even for a minute.  
He slowly moves down the stares, his eyes still on Rick's as he gently rests his crossbow up against the wall. Daryl makes his movements slow but cautious. He trusts Rick again, but Daryl doesn't know if he would have an outburst and attack him like he did Glenn.  
He glances down at the phone for a second before looking up at Rick again, motioning to it with his head.  
"What you doin?"   
Rick stares down at the phone. "I'm waiting for a call."  
"A call?" Daryl's voice was above a whisper. "From who?"  
Rick hesitates before answering. "People. People who can give us better shelter, better everything."  
Daryl debates what he can say next. He hopes what he says comes out nonthreatening.  
"How you know it's better?" Only when Rick looks up does he continue. "We can do loads here.."  
Rick shakes his head. "No.. no we need to be _safe_.."  
Daryl slowly steps closer to Rick, his heart thumping loudly in his chest.   
"This is safe. We can make it safe. We can be here by ourselves and make it work."  
Rick slowly faces Daryl, his eyes downcast. "I can't keep.. I can't keep my children safe, I can't.." He slowly looks up into Daryl's eyes. "I can't keep you safe.."  
"Nah.. _you_ can't. I'm a grown man, Rick, I can keep myself safe. What we have right now? It's better than okay in helping us keep Carl and the baby safe.."  
He could see Rick was only just with him, already off thinking about something else. Suddenly Rick grips his shoulder, making Daryl tense but he doesn't try moving away. Rick leans in close, his eyes looking at something over Daryl's shoulder.  
"I can't.." He slowly looks at Daryl, blue eyes tracing over his face. "I can't lose anyone, anymore.."   
Daryl swears his heart is about to go into cardiac arrest or burst out of his chest, it was thumping so hard it made him feel nauseous. For a moment he swears he can feel Rick's hand slide closer to his neck and his thumb ghost over his jaw. It's so quick, it mustn't of happened.. right?  
Before he can try to figure out Rick has stepped back and dropped his hand. Daryl's body slumps slightly, involuntarily wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead. He doesn't think he's helped at all.

Daryl grabs his crossbow and slings it heavily over his shoulder as he ascends up the stairs, his hand hovering over the handle. He watches as Rick sits back down in front of the phone.  
"It's a girl.. the baby." He notices Rick eyes look away from the phone and to Daryl's feet. "I fed her.. never even had a baby in my arms.." He smiles slightly as he remembers. "She falls asleep too, so quick.. it's strange.. cool though.."  
He sighs quietly, ducking his head as he opens the door and leaves.  
Rick eyes catch the angel-winged vest as he leaves.

 

Daryl decides to take Carl with him and Oscar to sweep the lower levels of the prison, mainly to keep him busy but more importantly to keep his eye on him.   
Oscar motions to a barely moving door that's blocked by a dead walker, believing they should kill whatever is behind it, but Daryl watches Carl staring motionless at the floor.  
"Don't look they got much fight. They ain't going nowhere, we'll take care of it on the way back."  
He whistles to get Carl's attention. The boy looks up at him for a moment and they start slowly walking together in front of Oscar.  
"You know, my mom, she liked her wine. She liked to smoke in bed.. Virginia Slims. I was playing out with the kids in the neighborhood, I could do that with Merle gone. They had bikes, I didn't. We heard sirens getting louder. They jumped on their bikes, ran after it, you know, hoping to see something worth seeing. I ran after them, but I couldn't keep up. I ran around a corner and ...saw my friends looking at me. Hell, I saw everybody looking at me. Fire trucks everywhere. People from the neighborhood. It was _my_ house they were there for. It was _my_ mom in bed... burnt down to nothing. That was the hard part. You know, she was just gone. Erased. Nothin' left of her. People said it was better that way." He scoffs. "I don't know. Just made it seem like it wasn't real, you know..?"  
Carl sighs, stilling. "I shot my mom. She was out. Hadn't turned yet." The boy looks up at Daryl. " _I_ ended it. It was real." Carl ducks his head. "Sorry about your mom."  
Daryl bows his head, trying to catch Carl's eye. "I'm sorry about _yours_."

 

At the end of the sweep they are ready to return to the others when they kill a walker that seems to be from the cell Daryl wanted to leave until the end. As he pulls the knife from it's neck he notices it's Carol's.  
He asks Oscar to take Carl back and he'll join them soon.

 

A few minutes after Carl and Oscar come back to the cells, Rick emerges. His mind is a little clearer, although his body and heart seem wrecked to the people around him. He approaches Hershel as the old man gives him a warm smile, his arms cradling Rick's baby. His daughter. As he picks her up and gazes at her face, he's in awe of her beautiful face, finding the joy in her little, uncontrollable limbs and vulnerable body. His eyes well up with burning tears as he holds her to his chest. He wishes Lori could see her. He wishes he could see Daryl hold her for the first time. He wishes so many things he can't have, but he can settle for being the best protector he can be.

The group follow him as he takes her outside. For a moment the sunlight makes him wince, but it passes as he keeps his eyes down on his baby. The air feels good on his face. Rick looks out to the guarded field, his mind rampant with little ideas on what other things they can have.  
His silent thoughts are snuffed as he notices something unusual amongst a small herd near the outer fence. Without uttering a word about it to the others, he gently hands the baby over to Carl before going down to the fence.

  
Along the outer fence, a woman staggers forward to the fence, carrying a hand-cart of baby supplies.


	23. Years From Now

 

  


[[Tunes](8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

Rick opens his eyes, the sun from outside the cells bathing him in its inviting warmth. He used to hate waking up early with the sun hitting his eyes, but these days he didn't mind; he welcomed it actually. It symbolised a new day, like today.

He sat up in the bunk bed - which seemed bigger and comfier than usual - looking over to the cell door.  
  
Laughter. Rick could hear laughter.

 

As he got up and stood in the doorway, he realised the laughter wasn't coming from inside, but from out in the courtyard. Rick carefully walks out to the yard, but this wasn't the yard he remembers. He stares in disbelief at the lush, green grass covering the outer yard and beyond, the thriving crops bursting with life, the large pen holding livestock. This wasn't his prison, was it?  
An older man.. Hershel - yes, it was Hershel - balancing on his crutches like he had them for years as he shows Carl and Beth some healthy husks of corn.  
He thoughts were interrupted as Carol came over to him, smiling as she holds the baby in her arms.  
"We decided to let you sleep in."  
He takes his daughter from her and nestles her in his arms. The baby blinks slowly up at him, all the serenity in the world painted upon her little, cherub-like face.  
Rick looks up again as voices call his name. Glenn waves him over to the large tent the rest of the group were sitting under, eating bacon and eggs.  
"How did this.." Rick doesn't even know what he's asking about.  
"Daddy got us all workin' on it yesterday while you and Daryl were out." Maggie smirks before taking a sip of water.  
Daryl. Daryl wasn't with them or anywhere around.  
"Where is-"  
"Havin' a smoke around the back." Carol mutters as she places some fresh eggs down. "You better go get him before Carl n' Beth come back. Maggie can you call them and your dad back for breakfast?"  
Rick slowly hands the baby to Glenn before walking around the cell block. He frowns as he turns the corner, no Daryl in sight. He goes and turns the other corner.

Daryl is leaning against the wall, eyes on his as he exhales the smoke quickly.  
As Rick approaches him, the man offers him a cigarette. Rick smirks at him.   
"You know I don't smoke them things." He pauses. "Well, aside from that time in the field. And Atlanta."  
Daryl raises his brow, his cigarette dangling from his lips. " _Twice_ in Atlanta.  _Twice_ in the field."  
Rick eyes him but takes him up on the offer, pulling one out of the crumpled packet and letting Daryl light it. He takes a long drag, letting it sit deep in his lungs before slowly blowing it out. He scrunches his face as he looks at the cigarette in his hands.  
"Tastes like shit."  
Daryl nods. "These ones are the good ones now too. Ain't nothin' like the ones I'd have back then."  
Rick nods, knowing he meant back when they were younger. "Were'd you find them anyway?"  
Daryl was still watching him. "On our .. "run" yesterday, remember?"  
Rick couldn't remember going on a run with Daryl the day before. No, that's wrong. He was sure that didn't happen. Rick frowns as he thinks, taking another drag. "Nah.."  
He watches as Daryl takes one last drag before dropping the butt and pressing down on it with the hell of his boot. "Here, I'll remind you.."  
Rick stiffens as Daryl moves in front of him, the man's eyes fixed on his as he reaches up to touch the side of Rick's face. He is so thrown by the action that he doesn't realise Daryl's lips are on his until he smells the smoke and feels the heat from his breath.   
A sudden desperation washes over Rick, and he grabs Daryl's face before he can pull away, keeping their lips sealed so he can really feel it, welcome back the touch. Daryl's lips still feel the same, the hair around his fingers around the same length the last night they were together, but the stubble on his face was new. Rick doesn't mind, he actually really liked it on Daryl. It reminds him of the man he now is.  
"Don't leave me.." Rick realises a few beats after that uttered that is _his_. As he slowly looks at the eyes staring back in front of him, Daryl half-scoffs, half-huffs.  
"I ain't plannin' on it." He replies quietly.  
Daryl moves his hand from Rick's face and tugged the front of his shirt. "C'mon, Carol'll yell at us if we ain't over there soon."  
He just wants to hold him, glue Daryl to his side so he can always protect him, never keep him out of his sight.  
  


He follows Daryl back to the tent where everyone is chatting and laughing as they eat. Carl smiles at Daryl as Carol and him make room for them both to sit down. Rick takes a moment to look around the table to watch everyone talk over each other in different little conversations. Beth reaches over to grab another potato for Hershel, Carol goes back to debating with Glenn over something while Maggie takes Carol's side, Carl coos as he hands Daryl the baby so the boy can eat properly.  
  


Rick smiles as he picks up a rasher of bacon. He almost takes a bite, but stops. He rises from his seat, making everyone quieten down and look up at him. Rick takes in their content - _happy_ \- faces, sighing softly.  
"You all.. mean everything to me." He nods to himself. "You are all my family as much as Carl and the baby are. I'm sorry.."  
His eyes land on a figure in white at the first fence.   
Lori.  
Even though she seems far away, he can see her smile. It feels reassuring. It makes him feel.. peaceful.  
In a blink, she's gone again.  
He looks back at the group, seeing they're still looking up at him.  
"I.. uh.. I'm sorry I haven't.. been the leader you've needed, or maybe wanted. I promise though, with.. everything I have that I will risk my life for anyone of you. Gladly.."  
He gazes down at Carl, the young boy smiling and giving his father a nod. Daryl rolls his eyes and pulls Rick to sit down.  
"Let's  _eat_ already!"  
The group laugh, which makes Rick smile as the sound echoes in his mind.

 

 

Rick's eyes snapped open, awoken by the baby crying outside his cell. As he sat up he noticed the cell and outside of it was back to it's grimy, dingy-smelling state.   
There was no more laughter, no smell of bacon and eggs, no brightness. His body ached and head throbbed slightly.  
It was a dream. All of it was a dream.  
He glances up, only noticing now that Daryl was leaning against the bars looking out into the hallway, watching over him as he slept.

What he wouldn't give to be dreaming again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I AM AN ASSHOLE


	24. The Woman With The Katana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new person arrives..

 

[[Tunes](tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)]

 

Rick already misses the comfort of his dream as he pulls himself out of bed. Daryl was watching him from the doorway. Rick could see he was looking him over, analysing his every movement, making sure he was okay.  
To be honest, Rick didn't feel okay. It wasn't just because Lori was gone, but because he's always wondering if the prison was secure enough, if his family were safe enough and still believe in him.   
"Stop." Daryl's voice cut through Rick's thoughts. "Stop thinkin'."  
Rick slowly looks up at the other man's face. Rick knew Daryl was tired, but he didn't look like it. He looked exactly the same as he did in the dream-aside from his lack of smiling in real life. Rick understood though, there wasn't much to smile about.  
  
Yesterday bared one exception though; Daryl had found Carol, alive, in the depths of the prison. She was weak and tired, but bounced back quickly. The woman was so happy to see them all- especially Rick and the baby. Rick saw something out of the corner of his eye as Carol gazed at his daughter. He glanced over in Daryl's direction, seeing that the man was smiling at the both of them. It wasn't a board smile full of teeth, but still genuine and happy. Daryl had noticed Rick looking at him and tried to shyly look away, but Rick saw it. Those moments Rick will carry in his mind and heart for as long as he can remember.  
The happier moments were always cut short. When Carol was alluded to Lori's passing she cradled Rick's head as they cried together. Daryl had grasped Carl's shoulder as the boy finally cried.  
Seeing Carol alive, though, reignited the fire inside Rick he thought he lost.

 

They can't focus on the mixed emotions for too long; they had an unexpected visitor. Rick had watched the woman come directly to the prison with baby supplies. She had used the last of her energy to kill the walkers around her; her long, bloodied katana making the slaughter seem effortless before she collapsed to the ground.  
Rick had brought her in, taken the katana away from her, given her water. Even though she was fatigued and injured, she was hesitant of them. She reminded Rick of an alley-cat backed into a corner. Her eyes were wild and dark as Rick had asked her for her name. She never gave it.  
"I didn't ask for your help." She had said as she laid against the fenced wall inside the cell block.  
Rick told her it doesn't matter, but that she couldn't go.

Her presence and 'gifts' brings unease - especially to Hershel and Beth. Maggie and Glenn have been gone for over a day and haven't returned. As Hershel starts mending the wound to the woman's leg, Rick asks her how she found them. It makes Rick stomach drop for her to confess she saw a man and a woman going to retrieve baby supplies before being kidnapped by a man belonging to a community nearby. She describes Maggie and Glenn perfectly.  
With the woman, Michonne, ready to lead them to the community, Rick, Daryl and Oscar load up one of the cars. Daryl promises Carl he'll keep an eye on his dad. Before they leave, Rick pulls Carl to the side. He felt guilty it has taken so long to talk to his son again, that his son had to kill his mother.  
"How long will you be gone?"  
Rick studies his son for a moment. "Look, if something happens while we're gone-"  
"We'll be all right."  
"If anything happens, you get everyone locked in the cells, keep them all safe."  
"I will."  
"I know." Rick smiles slightly, gently resting his hand on Carl's shoulder. "I know you will. Take care of your sister, all right?"  
"Daryl's been calling her Ass-Kicker."  
"Ass-Kicker? Has he, now?" Rick smiles, thinking he really shouldn't be surprised at that.  
"I've been thinking, what should we really call her?"  
"What do you think?"  
"Remember my third grade teacher, Mrs. Mueller? Her first name was Judith. Do you think that's a good name?"  
Rick gazes at his son and nods, his eyes soft. "I think that's a fine name. Judith it is."  
Rick smiles as Carl beams up at him. He wraps his arm around his son as they walk back to the car.

As they get ready to leave, Hershel pleads with Rick to bring his daughter and Glenn back. He gives the old man a silent promise.

 

The group park the car on the side of the road two miles out from the community of Woodbury. As Oscar and Michonne walk ahead, Rick walks with Daryl a few steps back. Rick glances over quickly at Daryl.  
"You know, what you did for me, for my baby while I was.. working things out.." He looks at Daryl again. "Thank you."  
Daryl lightly bites the inside of his mouth, acting nonchalant. "It's what we do."  
Rick brushes his fingers against Daryl's forearm, getting Daryl's attention. Blue eyes are suddenly looking at him.  
"No.. _thank you_." Rick whispers. "It means everything."  
Daryl's lip twitches but he stops himself from smiling. Instead he ducks his head and nods, slowly raising it to only look ahead at Michonne.  
The growing snarls make the group stop and duck low, seeing walkers moving towards them from the path ahead. Rick orders them into a formation before they start killing the walkers, but they're quickly surrounded by more. He leads them through the trees to a small house in the woods. The group slip inside, carefully scoping the dark interior for any hiding walkers. The almost pitch-black former home is ripe with a foul, decaying stench; the smell almost making Rick gag. With the walkers crawling and hitting at the door to get in, Rick shines his flashlight around for any supplies or another way out but finds a man asleep in his bed.  
As Rick pulls the covers back the man leaps to his feet, yelling at them while pointing his rifle at Rick. Daryl immediately brings his knife up, bending his knees, ready to attack the man if need be.  
"Get outta my house!"  
"Okay, okay!" Rick raises his hands to the man. "We will, but we can't right now."  
"Now!" The man yells, waving his rifle.  
"Shut him up." Michonne murmurs as she stares at the startled stranger.  
"There are walkers outside." Rick nods, waiting for the man to comprehend that.  
"I'll call the cops!"  
"I am a cop! Now I need you to lower the gun. Don't do anything rash. Everything's fine. Let's just-- let's just take this nice and slow, okay?"  
Rick crouches down and slowly places his gun on the floor, keeping the man's attention on him. The hermit asks for his badge, to which Rick tells him he's reaching into his pocket. Daryl keeps close to the man, his heart beating fast as his breathes quickly through his nose. Rick grabs for the rifle and it goes off, shooting a gaping hole in the door behind Daryl. Rick latches onto the man as he tries to subdue him, calm him down, but the hermit bites Rick's arm and runs for the door. The snarls become louder, ready for their meal. As the man goes for the doorknob Michonne pushes her blade through him, killing him silently. As she quickly pulls the blade out, the body falls to the floor in a loud heap. She looks at Rick with dark eyes.  
Hunted eyes?  
No.  
As the sound of more walkers try to pry their way to them, he stares into the eyes of the mysterious woman. They still didn't know her, but she came to them - harmed and carrying what Maggie and Glenn had.  
She wasn't that prisoner, Tomas. She wasn't Shane.  
She was just trying to survive and do what has to be done.  
As Rick and Daryl pulled the body up, Oscar runs to the back door. He tells them it's clear out his end and they throw the Hermit's body to the walkers, distracting them with a meal as they make their getaway.  


 

They make it to Woodbury's front walls in the cover of night. Its walls are guarded; a man moves a spotlight around the trees and empty street while another slowly paces back and forth. The walls themselves show strength; made with heavy tractor tires among other assorted ones from abandoned cars, as well as metal sheeting, complete with large, heavy doors.  
"All right, we need to downsize." Rick murmurs.  
"Ain't no way we're gonna check in all them buildings, not with all them guards there." Daryl says as they take only a few weapons and leave the rest there.  
"All right, let's go."  
They follow Michonne around a backway into Woodbury.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took too long to post because I was going to merge two eps into one, but I wanted to bring Michonne into it before we head into Woodbury territory.   
> Next chapter up soon!
> 
> Also I'm finishing the angel/demon rickyl au one in a minute and that will be up! Hopefully I can have a YouTube soundtrack done as well, because even though I love 8Tracks, it's nice to repeat songs as you read a chapter!


	25. True Love Won't Desert You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michonne, Oscar, Daryl and Rick enter Woodbury to rescue Glenn and Maggie.

 

[[Tunes](8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)] {[The new YouTube playlist so you can repeat the same damn song over and over!](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXSDCqUVkgNgnJK2qFIA8L2awDZn2Px99)}

 

Rick will kill her. He will kill the woman with the katana if anything happens to Daryl. As she tries explaining something to him in muffled jibberish his eyes narrow in on her. He thought he had her figured out.  
He imagines cutting her head off with her own katana, or maybe just stabbing her in the head. Perhaps just slicing her throat. Break her neck.  
No. He had to take a step back. He can’t jump to conclusions. Rick still needs her to save Daryl. She could be on their side.  
He hopes she is, for  _her_ sake.

 

[ _Before_ ]

 

Michonne leads the men to a pantry and eating quarters, somewhere she was first held before she saw the Governor for who he really was.  
“Any idea where else they could be?” Rick whispers loudly to Michonne.  
Daryl peeks through the curtains and looks into the street, spotting residents walking along. “I thought you said there was a curfew.”  
“The street is packed during the day. Those are stragglers.”  
Rick decides they should move along before they’re found.  
“They could be in his apartment.” Michonne suggests, remembering where the Governor’s apartment is from here.  
“Yeah? What if they ain't?” Daryl snarks.  
“Then we'll look somewhere  _else_.”  
Rick looks through the windows before staring down the woman. "You said you could help us.”  
“I'm doing what I can.” Her tone was even and calm.  
"Then where in the hell are they?"  
Daryl moves up to Rick, Oscar joins the men as they take a few steps away from Michonne.   
“If this goes south, we're cutting her loose.” Rick looks at Daryl and nods.  
Oscar glances in between them. “You think she's leading us into a trap?”   
“Right now it's the blind leading the blind.” Daryl says matter-of-factly. “Let's split up.”  
They here the front door near Michonne unlock and slowly open. The men pile into the pantry while Michonne ducks low behind chairs and a table.  
“I know you're in here. I saw you moving from outside.”  
He slowly moves through, nearing closer to Oscar, Daryl and Rick.  
“You're not supposed to be in here and you know it.”  
Daryl and Oscar jump out, tying his hands behind his back while Rick points the gun in his face.  
"Where are our people?” Rick demands.  
“I don't know.” The man is trembling, his tone unsure of what they’re asking.   
“You are holding some of our people - where the hell are they?"  
“I don't know!”  
Rick stuffs his mouth with a cloth before Daryl knocks him out and drags him into a pantry.

The group slip into a storage shed, the front facade made to look like a cute, family home. As Rick goes for the front door they hear shots being fired nearby. He whips around to Daryl, and the man is looking straight at him. They both wonder if the shots are fired by Glenn and Maggie. With people distracted in the streets, they slink out towards the sound. Michonne tells them about a group of chained-up walkers she found and killed that seem to be coming from the same area. Rick arms himself and leads them into a block made of sturdy materials. Even though everything in Woodbury looks to be made from good, strong foundations, this block is completely concealed; industrial lights illuminate the corrugated iron walls and down to the hard, concrete floors. They take their time going through, but Rick keeps a mental count of people he sees around corners. The group duck under a small window, adjusting their weapons quickly as Daryl peeks through the dirty glass. He can see two people with small sacks over their heads, recognising one wearing Maggie's clothes. He ducks back down when the captives are pulled to their feet and dragged out towards them. Rick pulls out two smoke grenades and hands one to Daryl, both activating them then throwing them into the hallway before retreating behind a wall with Oscar and Michonne.  
  
Two bright flashes of light. Two immediate bursts of sound vibrate the walls as smoke rises up around the Woodbury soldiers, knocking them down.  
  
Rick comes around the corner and grabs Glenn while Daryl pulls Maggie towards Oscar, staying at the back of the group as they retreat to the sound of bullets shot behind them.

As the group scurry back onto the street, they try to keep low and move fast, staying close to the facades. Michonne slips ahead and opens a door to a community kitchen. With the cover of darkness and the ability to finally speak, Rick notices Glenn's injuries. The man is slumped against an oven, shirtless, his face and chest painted with his own blood, while his right eye is swollen and the skin around it a dark purple.   
"How bad are you hurt?" Rick needs to know, unsure how they will escape but now concerned over how bad Glenn is.  
"I'll be all right." The man mumbles, wincing as he tries to sit up.  
Maggie touches his face before turning to look at Rick. "Where's that woman?"  
Rick looks around before running to the window facing the street. "She was right behind us."  
"Maybe she was spotted." Oscar pants as he looks out the other window.  
Daryl moves quickly up to stand behind Rick. "Want me to go look for her?"  
Rick turns to look at him, shaking his head. "No we gotta get them out of here. She's on her own."  
Daryl nods obediently, stepping towards the back of the kitchen to find a back way out. He hears Glenn say his name, then the last possible name he thought he'd ever hear again.

  
  
"Daryl, this was Merle."

 

 

Daryl steps back to look at Glenn. The other man's already boring into his.  
His face must seem almost in disbelief, as Glenn presses the point.  
"It was. He did this."  
"You saw him?" It's all Daryl can manage to say.  
Glenn looks away while Maggie tries to cover him up. "Face to face. Threw a walker at me. He was gonna execute us."  
"S-So my brother's this Governor?"  
"No, it's somebody else." Maggie tries keeping her voice even and strong, but it still comes out shaky. "Your brother's his lieutenant or somethin'."  
"Does he know I'm still with you?"  
"He does now." Glenn looks up at Rick. "Rick, I'm sorry. We told him where the prison was, we couldn't hold out."  
Rick quickly crouches down and rests his hand on Glenn's leg, looking him straight in the eye. "Don't. No need to apologize."   
He gently pats the man's leg before standing and moving over to the window, scoping the street out. Rick knows through those front, heavy doors is not even an option, and the way they came through has probably been found - along with the man they left there.  
Rick moves back over to Glenn and Maggie in three steps.  
"Can you walk? We got a car a few miles out."  
Glenn nods and mumbles an 'm good' before Rick and Maggie help him up.  
"Hey, if Merle's around, I need to see him!" Daryl gazes at Rick, pleading.  
"Not now. We're in hostile territory." Rick moves in front of him, holding the other man's gaze.  
"He's my brother, he ain't gonna-"  
" _Look at what he did_! Look, we gotta- we gotta get out of here now!"  
"Maybe I can talk to him, maybe I can work something out!"  
Rick had never seen Daryl look so innocent, almost naive and optimistic in a strange way. It was only the second time Daryl has pleaded, has begged to him. For the second time, Rick had to say no.  
"No, no, no - you're not thinking straight." He looks over to Glenn, Maggie and Oscar as they wait at the door before looking back to Daryl. It kills a part of Rick to see Daryl like this; blue eyes so bright and glassy they could shatter at any moment.   
"Look, no matter what they say, they're hurt. Glenn can barely walk. How are we gonna make it out if we get overrun by walkers and this governor catches up to us? _I need you!"  
  
_ Daryl stares at Rick as the gravity of the other man's words hit him like a freight train. While Daryl had begged with such child-like innocence, Rick was truly baring everything he was feeling - _everything_ \- to him right there.  
Rick needed Daryl next to him, being his reason, his Right Hand Man - hell - the right side of his body and his mind and heart too.  
"Are you with me?" Rick eyes are still locked on Daryl's, waiting for the answer he needs.  
Daryl nods, swallowing hard. "Yeah."  
Rick nods slightly, letting out a held-in breath. He reaches out and gently touches Daryl's neck before giving him another quick nod. "Let's do this."  
Daryl let's out his own held-in breath as Rick walks away to the door to join the others. He gives himself a moment to compose himself before pulling out two more smoke grenades, activating them before throwing them out onto the street.

The group moves out as the smoke fills the street with a dense fog, keeping their formation tight as they step onto the street and start moving across to the other side. Rick can hear people on top of buses spotting them and starting to shooting. He decides quickly that the only way they will be able to get out is climbing over one of the buses that is being used as an extra wall structure, and hopefully it will shield them enough to escape. Daryl and Oscar stay close to Rick as cover, shooting at the soldiers while Maggie helps Glenn across to the other side, ducking behind a bricked entrance before the others join them.  
"How many?" Rick shouts over the gunfire.  
"I didn't see." Daryl yells back as he goes through the weapons bag. "Don't matter. There's gonna be more of them, we need to move."  
"Any grenades left?"  
"Uh-huh."  
"Get 'em ready. We gotta gun into the wall."  
"You guys go ahead. I'm gonna lay down some cover fire." Daryl hands Glenn an automatic rifle, not daring to look up at Rick.  
"No, we gotta stay together." Maggie says as she watches Daryl.  
Rick feels like she's reading his mind. They can't separate now.  
Daryl just shakes his head, adamant about his plan. "Too hairy. I'll be right behind you."  
Before Rick can stop him, Daryl throws another smoke grenade and is already running to take cover behind a nearby bench. The group runs across towards an unmanned bus, with Oscar covering Maggie as she helps Glenn climb up.  Rick takes cover behind grounded solar panels, trying to keep Daryl in his sight even as the fog creeps between them.  
As Rick realises he's run out of ammo, he peers up just as a man moves out through the fog. His walk is slow, heavy and focused, every step is with meaning.   
  
_Shane_?  
  
Rick closes his eyes for a moment to collect himself, but when he opens them again he still sees his former friend moving towards him. His hair is how it used to be before all of this started, but now with a matching beard. His eyes though, they were the Shane that tried to hunt him down. The Shane that became his enemy. Shane maneuvers his weapon, not to point it at Rick, but towards the bus. Rick stands there, helpless as Shane shoots Oscar in his side. Before he realises he's doing it, Rick is standing up with his pistol in hand, aiming it at Shane and shooting him in the head.

He approaches his body cautiously, his gun still up to his line of sight.  
It's not Shane that lies dead. It's a Woodbury soldier.  
He was _sure_ he saw what he saw.  


Rick can hear someone screaming his name. He quickly realises it's Maggie. His mind pulls back into the moment as bullets whizzing past him, hearing it hit the small tree and the solar panel nearby. Rick sprints to join Maggie and Glenn, jumping onto the hood as he screams out for Daryl to join them.  
Daryl reloads as he hears Rick calling out to him.   
" _Go!_ "

He's too far for Rick to physically grab and pull with him as he's sure to get hit. He growls to himself as he jumps over to join Glenn and Maggie as they head back to their rendezvous point behind the broken cars near the Woodbury entrance.

  
  
[ _Now_ ]  
  
  
  
When it was Michonne that emerged except Daryl, Rick was ready to jump on her, shoot her, scream and yell in her face. He asked where she was but she didn't answer, the woman looking like she had her own fight and barely won. Rick took the katana from her and gritted his teeth when she asked about Daryl and Oscar.  
"You didn't see him?" Maggie asked the woman as she kept her gun aimed at her head.  
Rick moved close to her face and sneered. "If anything happens to him-"  
"I brought you here to save them."  
Rick stared at her, his fight waning. "Thanks for the help."  
"You'll need help to get them back to the prison or to go back in there for Daryl. Either way, you need me."  
  
As he stares at the woman, he knows she's right. He hates how right she is. Rick makes her a promise, right there and then.  
"If _anything_ happens to Daryl.. _I'll kill you_."

 

-

The smell of the bag over Daryl's head reeks of old blood. He feels himself being dragged somewhere but is his eyes are trying their damnedest to refocus. He keeps fighting back, almost getting away from their grasp but the men on each side of him just punch him in the gut every time he struggles too hard now.   
He hears a booming voice getting closer and closer to him, calling him a terrorist as the men suddenly let him go. He can hear himself breathing quickly, the fear taking a stronghold in his chest and causing havoc with his mind. Daryl almost trips over his feet, but another hand grabs onto his arm. It's not the same ones from before but from the one speaking.  
The bag is ripped off his head and he's suddenly blinded by massive floodlights on him. He tries to shy away from the man speaking, his voice is loud and reminds him of his father's. The man is tall, with one eye bandaged yet his other eye.. Daryl doesn't want to look into it ever again.  
He only just realises the community that resides here has surrounded them in their hoards, all eyes on him before the loud voice barks that he is Merle's own brother.  
Daryl looks in front of him and almost falls over again.  
It _is Merle_.  
He looks the same as the day he last saw him - a little thinner in the face maybe- except the hand he had cut off was now replaced with a metal forearm, with a knife sticking out from the end.  
The heckling from the crowd grows as the booming voice asks them what they should do. The crowd erupts, each member screaming at the top of their lungs, but a woman stands out to Daryl. A blonde is looking at the spectacle, horrified, while the crowd screams for blood and death.  
  
_Andrea_.  
  
He swears he is seeing her, right now, staring back at him from the crowd.  
The crowd's demand for death grow. Daryl notices that it's not just adult men and women, but children, elderly women, looking him in the eye and screaming for his death. His body trembles uncontrollably, feeling like a child again in a corner with no escape, just waiting for his painful punishment and wondering if he would survive.  
He ducks his head, only looking up when the man leans close to Merle.  
"You wanted your brother, now you got him." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! "I need you" is one of my fav Rickyl parts, so I loved doing this chapter! AND LITTLE SCARED DARYL AJKAJLKDSLDSD
> 
> Also just wanted to let you all know the next chapter might be a bit late as I have a wedding to go to tomorrow, including makeup to do for it and blahhhh, but hopefully it won't be too late!
> 
> Thank you all for your AWESOME messages, love you all as much as I love cupcakes.


	26. Don’t Go [Stay With Me]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Daryl held in Woodbury, Rick and Maggie go to rescue him..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babies! I just wanted to let you know that after the next chapter Ch.27) I will be taking a mini break from WSGO to finish off other stories I've been meaning to finish off, and do some Rickyl one-shots. It'll give me a break from this one so I can inject more flavour into it :)
> 
> For any q's, updates or random fuckery, I am on tumblr at hawkeyematingcall.tumblr.com *chu*

[[8tracks](http://8tracks.com/thebollyknickers/we-shall-grow-old)] [[Youtube playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXSDCqUVkgNgnJK2qFIA8L2awDZn2Px99)]

 

When Daryl was seven years old, he was walking the two miles home from school when someone's rottweilers had slipped out of their yard.  
Every time the dark-furred mutts barked, saliva sprayed out of their mouths while the sound of them seem to come from only the lower circles of hell. Their first alert barks made Daryl jump and walk a little faster.  
Then he heard the sounds of the paws hitting the dirt. He ran with everything he had as his body went to the most extreme fear end of his fight-or-flight it could muster. His lungs could barely catch a breath as he ran, his legs on automatic that if he had to stop suddenly he would just fall and tumble.  
The hounds giving chase to him seem to stop at the sound of a whistle and commands for them to return home.  
Daryl didn't look back though. He ran the rest of the way home and slammed the door behind him. His face was slightly wet with tears the minute before, but fresh ones took their place.  
How could three dogs hate him so much that they would come after a harmless kid walking past their house? Why would they want him? He was just a terrified little boy.

As he looks around the bloodthirsty crowd of Woodbury, those dogs come back to him. Like a multi-headed Cerberus, the crowd barks at him, wanting his death, wanting to _taste it_ on their tongues. They hate him, yet they never knew of him until twenty seconds ago.  
Every inch of his body that trembles, ready to fall to the ground. His throat is tight and his lungs are begging for air.  
He wants to cry. As he realises that, he notices he's quietly whimpering.

   
Andrea is being held back as she tries to plead for his life, calls him her 'friend'. Even after their time apart, she stands up for him, possibly risking her own life. It doesn't give him much comfort though.  
  
The Governor points to Merle, his eyes hard and cold.  
"I asked you where your loyalties lie. You said here. Well, prove it. Prove it to us all. Brother against brother. Winner goes free. Fight to the death!"  
The crowd erupts in cheers, some of the men Merle starting to cheer for the older brother. As the cuffs are taken off of Daryl he looks into his brother's eyes. Merle's face is stern, with his jaw clenched as he looks back at him.  
Merle slowly raises his arm as he looks around the crowd, his face tilting up proudly.  
"Y'all know me. I'm gonna do whatever I got to do to prove-" He swings around and swings his fist to Daryl's stomach, immediately knocking the wind out of him. Daryl collapses to a ball on the ground, gasping for air, feeling tears escape his eyes. "-that my loyalty is to this town!" Merle connects his heavy boot to Daryl's side, kicking and kicking again, but when Merle leans down Daryl manages to swing his fist to Merle's face, making his brother stumble back. Daryl has enough time to get up and see that some of the soldiers have brought in live walkers attached to rods.  
Daryl launches at Merle but the older man easily pulls him to the ground and grabs for his throat. Even with one hand, Daryl knows Merle could choke him out -  but his brother doesn't put any pressure on him. Instead, Merle is staring at him with something Daryl would mistake in anyone else as an apology.  
"You really think this asshole's gonna let you go?" Daryl manages to say as he grips onto Merle's neck.  
"Just follow my lead, little brother." Merle grits through his teeth. "We're getting out of this right now."  
Before Daryl realises it, Merle pulls him up to stand. The brother's stand back-to-back as the walkers are brought closer to them. They use their fists, elbows, even kicking at the walkers in a bid for their holders to lose grip.

Suddenly there's a pop as the side one of the walker's heads explode. Then another, and another. People start scrambling as a smoke grenade is thrown right into the arena.  
Rick and Maggie shoot the lights out around the arena as the smoke fills the air. The townspeople scream and run into each other as they flee, while the soldiers try to fire at them. Rick grabs his flashlight out and shines it into the smoke, watching people as they run past him, none of which are Daryl.   
Just as he is prepared to go in to search, two figures run towards him, one with a crossbow.  
"Daryl.." Rick says in relief before leading them to safety.  
They run alongside the buses before Merle finds a spot he can pull apart with the help of his arm.  
"They're all at the arena. This way."  
"You're not going anywhere with us." Rick growls.  
"You really want to do this now!"  
"Rick, come on." Daryl tugs at his shirt. "We've got to go."  
Rick sneers at the thought of Merle with them, but if having Merle means having Daryl, so be it. _For now_.   
The group run until the first light of the morning comes up. Rick stays close to Daryl and Maggie as they go through the woods on the way to Michonne and Glenn. He can hear Daryl wheezing quietly as they run for long stretches, the man not having had a moment to rest since he was caught.  
"Just a little bit more.." He murmurs to Daryl as he helps him along. "Not too far now.."  
  
Rick tries to run up ahead as they approach the car. He calls out for Glenn through the last of the woods, the younger man sounding relieved to hear Rick's voice before his eyes land on the man that kidnap and almost murder Maggie and him.  
What the hell is he doing here?" He screams, pulling his gun out and aiming it at Merle. Daryl moves in front of his brother and barks at Glenn to put his gun down while Rick holds his gun to Michonne as she pulls out her katana.  
"He tried to kill me!" She yells at Rick but glares at Merle.  
Glenn stares wild-eyed at Daryl, trying to aim his gun behind the younger Dixon. "If it wasn't for him, Maggie could-"  
"He helped us get out of there!" Daryl yells back.  
"Yeah, right after he beat the shit out of you!" Rick angrily replies, almost ready to end it and kill Merle right there.  
"Hey, we both took our licks, man." Merle coolly drawls.  
The group erupts again with Rick and Daryl keeping Merle behind them to protect him from the others. The older Dixon laughs as it starts calming down, staring at his brother.  
"Man, look like you've gone native, brother."  
Daryl spins around and glares at Merle. "No more than you hanging out with that psycho back there."  
Merle just smiles back at him. "Oh, yeah, man. He is a charmer, I got to tell you that." He looks over to Michonne suddenly, his voice becoming flirty. "Been putting the wood to your girlfriend Andrea."  
"What?" Glenn stares between Daryl and Rick. "Andrea's in Woodbury?"  
Daryl regards him before nodding slightly. "Right next to the Governor."  
Rick asks Michonne if it's true, but at first the woman's eyes are glued on the older Dixon. He moves in front of her face, asking again with no effect.  
"Yep, she does." Merle purrs as he watches smugly. "Her and blondie spent all winter cuddling up in the forest. Mm mm mmm. My Nubian queen here had two pet walkers. No arms, cut off the jaws, kept them in chains. Kind of ironic now that I think about it."  
"Shut up, bro!" Daryl barks back at him again and this time, Merle stays calm.  
"Hey, man, we snagged them out of the woods. Andrea was close to dying."  
"Is that why she's with him?" Maggie tries to say without any disdain in her voice.  
Merle smirks at her. "Yeah. Snug as two little bugs." He turns his attention to Rick, grinning slightly. "So what you gonna do now, Sheriff, huh?  
Surrounded by a bunch of liars, thugs, and cowar-"  
Rick only half turns to look at the older Dixon. "Shut _up_!"   
"Oh, man, look at this. _Pathetic_!"   
As Daryl tries to tell him to shut up Merle keeps talking over the top of the others before Rick snaps, hitting Merle in the back of the head with the handle of his gun.  
"Asshole."

 

"It won't work."  
"It's gotta."  
"It'll stir things up."  
Daryl shakes his head at Rick. "Look, the Governor is probably on the way to the prison right now. Merle knows how he thinks and we could use the muscle."  
"I'm not having him at the prison." Maggie replies softly.  
Glenn frowns, slightly surprised at Daryl's insistence to have Merle with them. "Do you really want him sleeping in the same cell block as Carol or Beth?"  
Daryl eyes dart to Glenn. "He ain't a rapist."  
"Well, his buddy is."  
"They ain't buddies no more." He looks back at Rick. "Not after last night."  
"There's no way Merle's gonna live there without putting everyone at each other's throats." Rick insists, knowing full well it isn't the answer Daryl wants to hear.  
"So you're gonna cut Merle loose and bring the _last samurai_ home with us?" Daryl quips, motioning to Michonne standing over at the car.  
"She's not coming back."  
Maggie looks back at her quickly. "She's not in a state to be on her own."  
"She did bring you guys to us." Glenn adds, slowly looking at Rick.  
"At least let my dad stitch her up."  
Rick shakes his head, looking at Michonne. "She's too unpredictable."  
"That's right. We don't know who she is." Daryl looks back at Rick. "But Merle, Merle's blood."  
Glenn suddenly looks at him, shaking his head quickly. "No, Merle is your blood. My blood, my family is standing right _here_ and waiting for us back at the prison."  
"And you're part of that family." Rick immediately adds, gazing back at Daryl who stares back at him. Rick's confirmation of him being family wrings in his ears. They are Daryl's family, without a doubt. He would die for any of them, especially the kids - Rick's kids- and Rick. Daryl watches Rick shift slightly. "But he's not. He's not."  
Daryl looks at his family. He sighs. "Man, y'all don't know." He waits for someone - Rick - to reconsider, but he can see it in their eyes. Merle might be a lot of things, but he is still blood. Merle would stay with him no matter what, and he'll just have to do the same. " _Fine_. We'll fend for ourselves."  
Glenn's eyes widen. "That's not what I was saying."  
"No him, no me."  
"Daryl, you don't have to do that." Maggie gazes at him, her eyes pleading.  
"It was always Merle and I before this."  
"Don't."  
As Maggie and Glenn plead for Daryl to reconsider his choice, Rick can hardly move. His body suddenly frozen and his voice gone. Daryl can't go, Rick might have left him a long time ago but Daryl can't leave, not with Merle.  
  
Daryl can see it all in Rick's eyes, noticing the other man isn't holding anything back. He's stunned but still hasn't stopped him.  
"You serious?" Glenn tries keeping his voice down. "You're just gonna leave like that?"  
"You'd do the same thing."  
"What do you want us to tell Carol?"  
Daryl pauses. He forgot about everyone back at the prison, about what Carol would think about his decision. He keeps a mask of calmness, but his mask is getting harder to hold up these days.  
"She'll understand."  
Daryl looks between each of them. Maggie and Glenn are shocked, pleading.. it's nice, that people seem to value him so much, call him family like he calls Merle. He hesitates before looking at Rick though, he knows that even though the man is older, he can still give that big, stupid puppy-dog look.  
Daryl swallows hard at the lump in his throat as he quickly looks away. "Say good-bye to your pop for me."  
He stares walking off, with a chorus of voices telling him there's got to be another way, not to leave and he can't be serious.  
"Hey. Hey."  
Daryl glances down at the ground, seeing a pair of boots catch up to him. He slowly looks up, seeing Rick.  
"There's got to be another way."  
They stand facing each other on the road with Rick in Daryl's way. Rick had pleaded to him at Woodbury that he needed him. Daryl can see it now; Rick was trying to tell him not to leave; that he needed him. He wasn't sure if it meant something more or what.   
"Don't ask me to leave him. I already did that once."  
He slips past Rick, walking towards the car.  
Rick continues up next to him, tilting his head to try and get Daryl to look at him.  
"We started something last night. You realize that, huh?"  
Daryl does, more so than Rick even. He saw the Governor's face, he stared into those eyes. He thought if he couldn't fight the Governor last night then one day he will, and he will protect the ones he calls his family, but he can't leave Merle. Merle would never leave him.  
"No him, no me. That's all I can say." He opens the car boot and takes out his bag, giving himself a fleeting look at Rick. The man was disappointed, maybe even.. hurt.  
No, he couldn't think about that now. Besides, Rick is a man, he'll be fine without him.  
"Take care of yourself. Take care of Lil Asskicker." Daryl slowly gazes back at Rick. The man was nodding ever-so slightly, trying to say he understands his actions. Daryl felt a twinge in his chest.  
"Carl. He's one tough kid."  
Did Rick feel like this when he was broken, bloody, ready to leave with him for a life somewhere else? Did Rick feel his pain, like Daryl feels staring at Rick?  
It hurt. He can admit to himself, it hurts to leave. It hurts to leave Rick when the other man wants him to stay. Their life is a twisted, never-ending horror show; not the one he wanted as a teenager for them in Atlanta, but still one where they're together, and he's leaving it.  
Daryl walks away. He sneaks a look back, catching Rick's eyes.   
Rick gazes back at him, standing alone, watching Daryl leave.  
"Daryl!"

 

   
Rick spends the car ride back in silence, the heavy weight in his chest saying more than words could ever say.  
He couldn't help but feel he let Daryl ago - again - but this time there wouldn't be the hope that some day he would be fine, that things would get better with him. He might as well as sent Daryl to his grave with the worst person.  
He glances in the mirror to look at Michonne slumped in the back seat. A part of him still blamed her for all of this and, yeah, if she stayed with them at Woodbury then Daryl wouldn't have seen Merle there and Rick is more than okay with wishing the brothers were never reunited because that meant Daryl would be with Rick, and _that_ meant he would be okay.  
But Daryl isn't with him, and Daryl isn't okay. Neither is he.  
It took every ounce of him to not clutch onto Daryl and beg him to stay. It wasn't manly pride that stopped him. No, the only thing that stopped him from begging was that Daryl wanted to go - or at least said he wanted to.

Rick snaps out of his thoughts as he notices a truck and a fallen tree in the middle of the road ahead. He stops the car and slides out with Maggie and Glenn. The younger man goes to open the car door when a walker steps out and goes to attack him, but Glenn throws the being to the ground. Rick watches as Glenn stomps repeatedly on it's head, with skull pieces, brain and blood decorating his boot.

"You didn't kill him." He pants as he looks up at Rick, holding his aching side.  
"That's not why we went back." Rick is surprised he didn't come to that conclusion, but he can see anger in the usually-calm man's eyes.  
"No, that's right. You went back for Daryl, and now he's gone again and the Governor is still alive!" Glenn spits back at him.  
"Daryl was the priority." Rick says calmly.  
"I should have been there with you."  
"You were in no condition."  
"But my girlfriend was?"  
"Glenn, this isn't about us." Maggie replies calmly as she stares at him.  
Glenn sneers, talking through his teeth. "I should have been there!"  
"Hey, hey! You didn't come back with us 'cause you could barely walk."  
"What about her?" Glenn points to Maggie, making woman frown.  
"What about me-"  
"Do you know what he did to her?!"  
"Leave it alone!"  
"Do you know!"  
The trio stand in silence, with Glenn breathing heavily through his nostrils that Rick can hear it from a few feet away.  
"After all that effort, all the _risk_ we took, Daryl just takes off with Merle?"  
"Well, he had his reasons."  
"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Rick. Doesn't change the fact that we're up to our necks in shit."  
Rick strides up to Glenn, his voice booming. "You want me to turn the car around, beg him to come back? Throw down a welcome mat for _Merle_? This is the hand we've been dealt!"  
Maggie watches the men, sighing softly. "Let's just get this out of here and get back. Get some rest, we can talk it out there."  
Glenn shakes his head, looking at Rick. "No, you guys do all the talking you want. I'm done."

  
Carol immediately notices Daryl's absence when they arrive back. While she shows relief when Rick tells her he's okay, having to explain that Merle is alive and Daryl left with him was something else. He watches the woman try to grasp the idea of Daryl suddenly leaving before seeing the pain in her eyes as she looks beyond the fences then back to Rick. Rick wraps his arm around her as she whimpers, feeling that crushing weight in his chest baring down even more. He feels the same as she does.

The news of strangers being detained in the prison doesn't help Rick, in fact, in starts to make him feel dizzy. He tries to tell himself he hasn't slept or eaten and that the empty feeling in his gut is hunger. With none of the people that seem to try to look after _him_ while he looks after _everyone else_ gone, he seems so.. lost.

 

 

"So.. what now?" Beth speaks softly as she cradles Judith, moving closer to the group. "You think the Governor will retaliate?"  
"Yes." Maggie immediately responds, swallowing hard at the lump in her throat.  
"Let him try." Glenn mumbles.  
Carol looks at Rick. "Sounds like he's got a whole town. We're outnumbered and outgunned."  
"We could use some reinforcements." Hershel adds.  
As Rick looks at Hershel, he can see the others are looking at him to. They still look to him even if they don't want to, hell, even if _he_ doesn't want them to.  
  
Carl opens the cell door and the group walk through. Rick only glanced fleetingly in their direction when he came back, but now he takes a better look at the three males and one female.  
A burly man, taller than Rick stands, his skin glistening with a thin film of sweat while still wearing a dark beanie. The man extends his hand to Rick.  
"I'm Tyreese."  
Rick watches his eyes but doesn't make a move to shake his hand. He doesn't know him, he doesn't know any of them.  
Hershel introduces the others; Allen, Ben and Tyreese's sister, Sasha.  
"How'd you get in?" Rick's voice is calm yet stern.  
"Fire damage to the administrative part of the prison. Wall's down."  
"That side's completely overrun with walkers. How'd you get this far?"  
"We didn't. We lost our friend Donna."  
"They were lost in the gyms." Carl adds.  
Rick turns around and frowns at his son. "You brought them here?"  
"He had no choice." Hershel interrupts.  
Rick regards the older man. He looks around his smaller group, that emptiness inside of him growing larger, reminding him. He wishes Daryl were here.  
"I'm sorry about your friend." He says softly. "We know what that's like."  
Tyreese nods slightly in understanding. "Hershel said you could use some extra hands. We're no stranger to hard work. We'll go out and get our own food, stay out of your hair. You got a problem with another group, we'll help with that, too. Anything to contribute."  
Rick can see this man - although incredibly strong looking and seemingly more than capable to handle his own- is genuine.  
Rick ducks his head, looking at the ground. "No."  
" _Please_." Sasha begs, standing behind her brothers. It's like "10 Little Indians" out there. It's just us now."  
"...No."  
"Let's talk about this." Hershel intervenes. "We can't just keep-"  
"We've been through this." Rick presses. "With Tomas, Andrew. Look what happened."  
"Axel and Oscar weren't like them." Carol speaks up from the back.  
"And where's Oscar now?" He looks around the group. Some people look away, while others like Carol, Hershel and Glenn stare back at him. Rick turns to Tyreese, his voice calm again. "I can't be responsible."  
The other man looks him in the eye, his voice equally calm. "You turn us out, you are responsible."  
Hershel calls Rick over to him and the man complies, moving over to Hershel and out of direct earshot of everyone.   
"You've done so much for us. I appreciate that - we all do. We owe you our lives. We've done everything you asked without question. And I'm telling you, you're wrong on this. You've got to start giving people a chance."  
  
Rick slowly looks behind Hershel to the strangers. He can see the desperation in their eyes, the fighting they've had to do for any sort of shelter, the loss..  
He looks over to his family, they're eyes desperate for his answer, for his welcoming of these people that seem true. Rick pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. He tries praying for Daryl to come back, but he knows no one is listening to prayers anymore.  
Instead, Rick looks at Hershel and pats his shoulder. His eyes float up to the upstairs railing and his chest suddenly tightens, constricting his breathing.  
A silhouette of a woman in a white dress stares down at him. He can't see her face, but Rick knows she's staring at him. Is she judging him?  
_Lori_?

Rick looks away and closes his eyes. "No.. no, no, no, no..." He mutters to himself, wishing the image away. He walks closer to stand under her. "Why are you here? What do you want from me? Why are you-"  
He can feel her eyes burning into his chest. Why is she here? "No. I _can't help you. Get out_!"  
He starts pacing around, his hands shaking as she pins him under her gaze. He takes out his gun, aiming at her. He doesn't want to but she has to leave. "You don't belong here! Get out! _Please_! _Get out! Get out!_ _What are you doing here?!_ "

 

 


	28. UPDATE

Hey fluffies! Just letting you know I'm getting back on track with the next chapter (which is technically chapter 27)

Also when I wake up and get to the computer tomorrow (in about 12 hours) I will be locking this fic so only registered users can only see it. I'm only doing it because of this bullshit ebooks-tree site stealing fics and posting them there without permission and for a fee to view.  
  
If you don't have an Ao3 account you can still read it over on my [tumblah](http://hawkeyematingcall.tumblr.com), along with any small updates <3


End file.
